I Was Born for This(39)

He’s grinning.

‘I was feeling lonely in the living room all by myself!’ he says. He enters the room and leans jauntily against the kitchen counter.

Bliss gives him a weird look and then looks at me as if to say Who is this and why is he here?

Juliet points at Mac. ‘Oh, this is Mac, by the way. He’s here to see The Ark too.’

‘Hi!’ says Bliss.

‘Wow,’ says Mac, smiling. ‘So, you’re famous now. I’m jealous.’

There’s a pause, and then Bliss laughs awkwardly.

‘Not sure there’s much to be jealous of, bud,’ says Bliss, ‘unless you wanna date Rowan Omondi.’

Mac immediately starts spluttering. ‘Oh, no, no, erm, no, I’m not – I mean, I like The Ark, but I’m not – It’s not – I’m not –’

Bliss raises her eyebrows at him. ‘Is the word you’re looking for “gay”? It ain’t poisonous.’

Juliet widens her eyes at Bliss’s bluntness.

‘Erm, yeah. I’m not,’ stammers Mac.

‘S’fine, man. Chill.’

I glance at Juliet, trying to keep the huge grin off my face. She’s staring at Bliss, somewhat amazed.

‘Erm, anyway,’ says Mac, determined to keep the conversation revolving around him and only him, ‘so, you must have had a crazy day!’

Bliss chuckles. ‘Yeah, I guess you could say that.’

‘Can’t Rowan help you?’

Bliss rolls her eyes. ‘I don’t need his help.’

Mac chuckles. ‘Well, I mean, wouldn’t it be easier if you just … went and hung out at his place, or whatever?’

Bliss shrugs. ‘Not really. Why would that solve anything?’

‘I don’t know … he’s rich and powerful, he can do something, can’t he?’

‘Rich and powerful. You make him sound like a dictator.’

I can’t say I fully understand why Bliss doesn’t want to go and see Rowan. Surely if they’re in a relationship, he’d be the first person she’d seek help from, not some random Ark fan she met in a Wetherspoon’s less than twenty-four hours ago.

Finally sensing he’s not wanted, Mac says, ‘Erm, well, I’m gonna nip to the loo while you ladies drink your tea.’ And he speeds out of the room.

Bliss turns her head slowly towards me and Juliet, her eyes wide and a big smile on her face.

‘Okay, not being funny, but why do you have the human embodiment of a mosquito in your house?’

I let out a snort. Even Juliet smiles a little in the corner of her mouth.

‘He’s not that bad …’ says Juliet, but it’s half-hearted.

‘Mate,’ says Bliss. She wanders over to Juliet and pats her on the shoulder. ‘Please, please God, do not tell me Junior Conservative of the Year is your boyfriend?’

‘Erm,’ Juliet says.

‘Please no.’

‘Well, technically no.’

‘Technically no?’

‘Erm …’

‘Oh no. Oh no no no no no.’ Bliss looks at me and puts her hand on her heart. ‘Have you been letting this happen?’

Juliet looks up at me, mildly embarrassed.

‘Well,’ I say, ‘it’s not really my place to comment on my friends’ romantic interests.’

‘Excuse me, it’s your place as a friend to tell them when they’re almost dating a guy who can’t even use the word “gay” without spontaneously combusting.’

She’s probably right.

I look at Juliet. ‘Er, yeah. He’s a bit of a dick.’

Juliet doesn’t say anything. She looks betrayed.

‘Yikes,’ says Bliss.

‘Can we not talk about it?’ asks Juliet, turning round and starting to clear up our empty tea mugs.

Bliss raises her eyebrows at me.

When Mac returns I take him out into the corridor and tell him a dramatic story about how Juliet will feel so much better after this morning’s events if she could just have a milkshake from Sainsbury’s. I don’t even have to finish my sentence before Mac is volunteering to go. I’m not even sure whether he wants to impress Juliet or whether he just wants to get away from Bliss before she says something so blunt that he starts to cry.

Bliss, Juliet and I sit on the carpet in the living room with an open tub of mini brownies in between us.

Bliss has her fingers clasped together like a village elder and is somehow staring down at the both of us, despite being shorter than me.

‘So,’ I say, ‘what’s it like dating Rowan Omondi?’

‘Ugh, let’s not talk about that,’ says Bliss.

I shoot a glance at Juliet, but she’s zoned out again, like she did earlier.

‘Oh,’ I say, ‘er … sorry?’

‘No, no, it’s just, I don’t know.’ Bliss rubs her forehead. ‘I don’t know, man. I feel like my life revolves around Rowan. And I don’t want it to.’

‘Oh.’

‘I guess I can’t help it now.’

‘Can’t help what?’

‘My life revolving around my boyfriend.’ She says the word ‘boyfriend’ like it’s a particularly bad swearword.