I Fell in Love with Hope(45)

Hikari hasn’t looked at me since the five of us gathered. After our almost kiss, I thought about our almost everythings. The times I almost held her hand, almost said her name. Every chance I’ve been given has turned into an almost.

I said hello this morning. I had to say something. Hikari smiled a hollow smile, one that didn’t reach her eyes. Then, everyone got caught up in the excitement. There wasn’t a chance to explain myself. Even if there were, I don’t know how I would. I don’t know what to say to her. It would just turn into another almost.

Eric clocked out five minutes ago. Once he’s gone, there are only so few leashes that can tie us down. He usually says goodbye to Sony before leaving. She said she’d meet him outside, on the street in front of the hospital’s main entrance. He was suspicious, I think, but Sony goes off on her own no matter the state of her lung. When we return, Sony promises to recount all our adventures to her cat and kids alike.

The service stairwell is one of the only ways you can get in and out without too much traffic. The only thing we lack is an ID card to access it. Eric always has a spare in his pocket. I may be a poor liar, a poor criminal all in all, but even when my arm is being tended to from a step ladder injury, my sleight of hand has never failed me.

I hold the card tight in my palm, flipping it around. The plastic clinks against the metal, another metronome, another countdown. We hold our breaths.

Then– Ding.

Neo practically hurls his phone upward, almost dropping it over the edge of the railing.

Coast is clear losers! :D

C and Neo shriek, stumbling. Hikari follows as they start running down the stairs.

A rush of air floods the stale, clean stairwell with a taste of the city. Immediately, light bows over the sidewalk. Cars and pedestrians fly by in a rush, startling compared to the medical staff and carts passing tame hall lanes. There are no walls, no locked doors, just the sky and the great expanse of roads that lead anywhere but dead ends.

Sony speeds from the street corner where she waved goodbye to Eric’s bus. Her backpack bounces with her, smile catching on her breathing tubes. My gut twists in a bittersweet tangle. She struggles to take those final steps, but at the same time, she’s never looked happier.

“Today’s here!” Sony yells, jumping into us full force. She hugs and kisses us manically without a care for anyone else. “It’s today! Let’s go!”

“Where do you want to go first, Sony?” Hikari asks, holding her face as they touch noses.

“Let’s get tattoos. No! Let’s go star watching! No! Let’s go to the beach! To the sea! I adore the sea!”

“We’re gonna need a bus for that,” Neo says, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder.

C looks at the postings on the bus stop schedule.

“There’s one that comes in 20 minutes.”

“Why don’t we walk a little through the city while we wait, hm?” Hikari suggests, taking Sony’s hand so she can lean on her. “We have all the time in the world.”

“You’re right,” Sony says, inhaling deeply, relaxing into Hikari’s side. She gives her body a moment of silence, its customary intermission.

“Let’s go,” Hikari says after a while, mimicking Sony’s excitement, keeping it alive. “Let’s go get your everything.”

The crosswalk, our stepping stones over the river, welcomes us back beneath the shadow of the hospital building. C and Neo take the lead in a pair.

At this time of day, people flood the streets like schools of fish. We become the few among the many, following their lead. There’s freedom in that anonymity. In being a stranger. At the latter end of the crosswalk, the crowd gets thicker, faster too, in a rush to beat the light. Neo reaches for C’s hand without much thought behind it. C interlaces their fingers, keeping him close.

Sony and Hikari are right behind. Sony hangs on Hikari’s arm. Hikari hangs on Sony’s every word. Sony marvels at the city as if she’s looking at it through an entirely new lens. I can tell from here that she’s talking about her kids. She tells Hikari about the seashells she’ll bring back to them, the tattoo she’ll show off, adding to her list of crazy stories that they can’t get enough off.

Sony’s fire is eternal. If I reach, I can see her passing it on to children of her own, maybe a classroom full. She’ll brag about her famous writer friend and her tall, pretty friend and her funny thief friend. She’ll tell them all her adventures at the hospital, and they wouldn’t realize it was a hospital at all.

Sony’s step falters for a moment when we reach the sidewalk on the other side. She catches her breath again, adjusting the backpack.

“Sorry.” She tries to laugh it off. “Needed a second there.”

“I’m sure your cat will forgive us if we’re late home,” Hikari says. She holds Sony steady, pretending the falter was just a clumsy trip.

“You like Hee, right, Hikari?”

“Of course.”

“Good, good. I’m gonna need somebody to take care of her.”

“What do you mean?” Hikari asks. When Sony doesn’t answer for a moment, Hikari frowns, slowing their pace. “Sony, don’t talk like that.” She caresses the red framing Sony’s face. “You’re gonna make it.”

Neo and C glance back at the conversation. It’s a half a second, a few words, but it’s enough to cause a shift among them. One of our unsaid rules is not broken, but poked at.