I Fell in Love with Hope(39)

“I’m sorry I didn’t do anything. I swear I don’t even really know those guys. They’re just on my team, and I didn’t want to–”

“It’s fine.” Neo drops his head.

“No. It’s not fine,” C says.

“No, it’s not, but what the hell do you want me to do?” Neo’s wound energy from the moment he laid eyes on C locks his muscles. The past dances across his eyes, but it’s not the same past C recollects. It’s half of the bigger picture.

“Just go to your room, Coeur,” Neo sighs. “Go hang out with Sam and Sony. I don’t care. Once you’re normal again, you can go back to your life and pretend we never saw each other.”

C lingers even once Neo returns to his writing. His lips remain slightly parted, shelving things he wishes he could say. When Neo’s pen hits the page, the barrier is put back up, and C has no choice but to walk away as I did.

“Well,” Sony crosses her arms, the two of us greeting him back into the hall. “You’re obviously sorry.”

C only stares at the ground.

“I’m such a coward.” The proclamation sounds comfortable coming from his mouth as if he’s said that before.

When C knocked into me, the first thing I noticed was his size. The second thing I noticed were all the signs of cardiovascular disease. He says he almost drowned, but his body temperature is rather cold, and the clothes he wears are too heavy for summer. Skin flakes at his lips and fingers. When he walks, he sometimes falters. His brain needs added time to process the movement. He even leans forward when people speak to him and sometimes doesn’t respond like he can’t hear.

C did almost drown, although that’s not why he’s in the hospital now. Whatever his killer is, he’s been sick for a long time.

“It’s not always easy to do the right thing,” I say. More souls than lost to this place taught me that. “If you can look back and see the mistake you made, you’re not a coward.”

I nod to the stairwell. C may not have books or chocolate bars to give, but at the very least, he’s got an interesting story to tell and manners to pair it.

I take him and Sony to the gardens.

Sony and I settle on our usual cloud-watching bench. C follows. His mind is still on his wrongs, still on the other side of the doors lingering outside Neo’s room.

“Can I ask you something?” he sits, still towering over us. “How did you two become friends with Neo?”

“I wore him down,” Sony says, unwrapping the candies Eric bought her.

“I used to bring him his food trays,” I say.

“He likes food?” C asks like he wants to take notes.

Sony shakes her head. “He hates food.”

“He likes apples,” I say. “I wore him down with apples.”

“Apples?”

“And books,” Sony says. “And being an ass.”

“An ass?”

“A lovable ass. A lovable writer too.” Sony pops a sour candy in her mouth and lifts one to mine. “He’s my favorite writer in the world.”

Asking how you become friends with someone is like asking how the world came to be. It’s a process. It’s not linear, nor cyclic. Not unlike the world, people aren’t always as complicated as we make them out to be. Sometimes you just have to offer a little bit of yourself, a little bit of your time, and as C will soon find, a little bit of your kindness.

—

C is a poor thief. Not only is he too noticeable, but his aversion to being rude means trying to take something without permission goes against his nature. He’s already apologized to the cafeteria attendants three times for my thievery. When I ask him where this compulsion comes from, he says his parents never stood for it and would ‘beat his ass’. I tell him that misbehaving is a part of being human. He tells me this particular part of being human makes him want to vomit with guilt.

I end up stealing most of the apples for him. C never eats them. Instead, he brings them to Neo, Sony and I’s advice in mind.





The first day:

“Hi.” He shuffles into Neo’s room like a parent trying not to disturb a child doing homework. “I brought you an apple.”

He sets it on the side table.

“Thanks?” Neo says, picking it up warily.

C smiles curtly, hands cupped in front of him.

“Can I sit?”

“Uh–No,” Neo says, like his answer is more than obvious.

C is unphased by it. He nods and exits with his resolution intact.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.”





The second day:

C opens the door, puts the apple on the side table, stands with his hands cupped in front of him, and that same eager smile.

“Hi,” he says.

Neo squints his eyes. “Coeur.”

“Neo.”

“I forgive you, okay?” Neo takes the apple and plants it on his lap. “Now, will you leave me alone?”

“No.” C opens the door. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”





The third day:

C opens the door. The apple finds its spot on the side table. C takes his stance, hands cupped, smile dimply and fresh.