Haunted(6)

Oh God…what did I just do?

I sobbed once the door shut; I curled up in the fetal position and continued to cry. What did I just do? I saved him from me, right?



Chapter 3 – Roman



It had been nine hours and thirty-seven minutes since I left the hospital. I was in a nice hotel room sitting on the floor, polishing off a pint of Jack Daniels. Oh…the good old days. Now I just needed some Oxy. That would help make all this pain go away.

Berg couldn’t handle my misery, so he made an excuse and left the hotel. I knew our flight for Jersey was in three hours and our first concert was tomorrow night. I couldn’t believe Beth had dumped me. Ha ha. I didn’t think I’d ever been dumped. Served my ass right. I wasn’t really sure what happened. We’d started fighting and the next thing I knew, I was leaving like a * with tears in my eyes.

Wow…this sucks.

I actually wished I was still in the basement with Beth. Was that wrong? I knew that situation was bad, but my time there with her actually included some of the best moments of my life. What did that say about my life? I laid my head against the wall and brought up the bottle to my mouth. Berg had left on the radio. I thought he was trying to drown out my crying from the surrounding rooms or possibly the paparazzi. I was just lucky I left out the side entrance of the hospital because they were already camped out at the main entrance.

That’s all I needed was for my face to be photographed on the worst day of my life. I would look like a big fat *. A sad song started to play and I recognized it: “Here Without You” by 3 Doors Down. It was slow and melancholy, which seemed to match my mood perfectly. Brad Arnold sang how he was without her and how she was haunting his thoughts. Huh…I listened and then sang along as my eyes started to water.

I stood up and turned off the radio. I grabbed my iPod because I wanted to find different music to listen to. I found Kris Allen and listened to “I Need to Know.” Fuck, that was a bad move. I hit repeat on my iPod and laid down on the bed and cried. I hadn’t cried like that since Jason took Beth away from me. I cried harder and rolled up into a ball.

Shit, this hurts!

Did she not love me anymore? How? I didn’t understand. Was the love that Beth and I had over? Love just didn’t die that fast, did it? It was real. We were real! I wondered if all breakups hurt like this or did we just have an extraordinary love?

I laid on the bed and cried for at least thirty minutes straight while listening to that one song on repeat. At times like this, I missed my mom. I wished I could call her and ask her advice.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

What did I do wrong? Oh wait, I could answer that. I let my girlfriend get raped, twice! Boyfriend of the year, I was not. Why was I thinking like Yoda from Star Wars?

I hit my head against the pillow. I f*cking missed Beth! I was ready to retire from the business. I was going to ask her to marry me and then we broke up over…I wasn’t even sure.

I knew I had a flight to Jersey to prepare for and I didn’t need the paparazzi to see me looking like shit. I was supposed to be f*cking happy because I was free. Free… Shit, I needed to pump myself up and take a shower, but right now, at this moment, I didn’t give a f*ck about any of that. I felt weak from so much crying. I scrolled through my music, finding Nickelback in the artist section. Oh here we go…the perfect song. “Trying Not to Love You.” That song said it all.



Chapter 4 – Beth



Three days had passed and I was finally at home, lying on the couch, staring at the wall. I kept drifting in and out of sleep. That was the way it was with antidepressants. Until my body got used to them, they made me their bitch.

Eric wanted him and Joey to bring me home from the hospital, but after a discussion about it, we both agreed that would be too confusing for Joey. Eric and I had a long talk the day after I said goodbye to Roman. Apparently, our divorce was final. Eric met a nice woman named Tara, and he had been dating her since a week before the kidnapping. He told me she was sweet and patient with Joey. That actually made me happy. I wanted Eric to be happy, and if Joey had to have another woman in his life— a step-mom—I was glad she was patient and kind. Eric deserved that and so did Joey. It looked as though Eric and I were going to accomplish something most exes didn’t have: friendship. He decided to keep Joey with him for a few more weeks. Eric and I had been through a lot, and he knew the drill with the meds. He knew I would be sleepy and weepy for at least two weeks. God bless him.

Phoebe and Eve brought me home. They acted like two mother hens. I had to admit I was glad they were here from me.

I will be okay.

My cute little house was perfectly clean thanks to Eve and Phoebe. I had missed my home.

I will be okay.

Phoebe and Eve stayed with me overnight, and yesterday Eric, Tara, and Joey stopped by to bring me a casserole.

I will be okay. Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I will believe it.

Joey ran into my arms and even though it killed my ribs, I didn’t give a shit. I hugged him back as hard as I could.

“Have I told you I loved you today?” I asked him.

“Nope.”

“Joey, I love you.”

“Mama, I love you, too, and I really missed you.”

I started crying. How could I not? We all sat together—my makeshift family—and it felt off. Not because of Tara, because I liked her; she’d brought me a casserole after all. How could I not like someone who cooked for me? More importantly, she was super sweet to my kid but not too sweet to threaten my relationship with Joey.