Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating(63)

Still, we head outside. She unlocks her car—“Rental,” she says while guiding me in—and we head off.





chapter thirty-six


hani


AMMA OBVIOUSLY KNOWS SOMETHING IS WRONG without me having to tell her. After Ishu is gone, and I’ve been holed up in my room for too long to explain away, she comes in, her feet shuffling against the plush carpet softly as she settles down on the bed beside me.

She brushes locks of hair out of my face and wipes a thumb over my cheeks to wipe away any remnants of dried tears. “Did you and Ishu have a fight?” she asks.

I shake my head while sitting up. “No … yes … kind of. I don’t know.” I don’t know if I can describe what we had as a fight. That doesn’t feel like it’s doing it any justice. “It’s … complicated.”

“I’m listening,” Ammu says.

Then, before I can really even think about it, everything is pouring out of me in great big waves. From Aisling and Dee’s dismissal of my bisexuality all those weeks ago, to Ishu and I agreeing to start a fake relationship, all the way to our growing closeness, Aisling’s accusation, and our fight. Ammu listens with rapt attention, her expression almost never changing. When I finally reach the end, Ammu nods her head sagely like she understands exactly what I’m going through.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?” she asks after a brief pause.

I can only shrug. Maybe if I had told her from the beginning, I wouldn’t be stuck in this mess. Maybe she would have helped me make better choices to begin with.

“I don’t think you’ve exactly been fair to Ishu here,” Amma says finally. “Do you?”

“I don’t know …” I trail off. “I mean … Aisling and Dee are my friends.”

“And Ishu isn’t?” she asks.

“Ishu is … I mean … I’ve known Aisling and Dee for a lot longer. They’ve been with me through so much.” Aisling and I have been best friends since primary school. We met Dee in our first year of secondary school. We’ve been doing everything together for years. We have always supported each other … haven’t we?

“That doesn’t mean you should be unfair to Ishu.” Amma sighs. “Do you believe Ishu would really cheat on her biology test?”

“Ishu is the most hardworking person I know,” I say. “And the smartest. She could probably regurgitate our entire biology book if I asked her. But … why would Aisling lie?”

“I think you’ll have to talk to her about that,” Amma says. The thought of confronting Aisling sets my stomach rolling. When I say that to Amma she fixes me with a glare. “If you and Aisling are really friends, you should be able to talk to her about this. Friends can talk about things. They can figure things out. Get past things. Do you want a friend in your life who you can never disagree with? A friend who you can’t grow with?”

“I guess not.” I sigh. The thing is I don’t even know anymore what kind of friends Aisling and I are. And—if I’m being honest—I’m afraid of finding out.




Ishu is not at school the next morning. It’s probably for the best because people are already talking about how she cheated on her biology test. They’re wondering what else is true or false about her—if they couldn’t even rely on her being the top of our classes. I know I should defend her—as far as everyone at school knows, Ishu and I are still together—but I can’t bear the thought of going up to people I barely know just to defend Ishu. Especially when I don’t even know what the truth is. Especially when it’ll get back to Aisling.

“Hey, are you okay?” Aisling asks when she comes around to my locker. She even leans in and gives me a hug, like she feels sorry for me and everything I’m going through. “Did you and Ishita talk?”

“Yeah,” I stuff the last of my books into my locker and close the door. It makes a satisfactory click. “Ishita said she didn’t cheat off you.”

“Obviously she would say that.” Aisling leans against the locker next to me and looks at me with pity in her eyes. “But … well, the truth is the truth.”

“It is …” I say. “I wish … I wish you’d tell me the truth, Aisling.” I say it softly, but the change in Aisling’s face is immediate. Her soft and piteous expression hardens, like I’ve made an accusation. She stands up straight and shoots me a small glare.

“I am telling you the truth, Maira. I wouldn’t lie to you. I’ve been trying to look out for you this whole time.”

I rub my elbows and look down at the speckled grey floor, wishing that it would swallow me up. I don’t know how to have this conversation. I don’t want to have this conversation. “It’s just …” I start. “Ishita wouldn’t—”

“You’ve been with Ishita for, like, a couple of weeks. We’ve been best friends our whole lives, Maira. Come on, don’t do this. Sisters before misters, right?” Her hand presses onto my shoulder. When I look up and meet her gaze she’s smiling sympathetically. “Don’t worry. Dee and I will find you someone way better than Ishita. Even a girl if you really swing that way.”

I step back from her grip, keeping my eyes steadily on her. “What do you mean … if I really swing that way?”