For Real(71)

“Okay, this clearly isn’t working,” Samir says. “We need to turn around.”

There’s no room to maneuver, so I crouch down while Samir repositions himself, then skid my back up the sooty wall until I’m vertical again. Standing front-to-front is even worse; I can feel Samir’s hot breath on my forehead, and when he reaches out to search the soot-covered bricks behind me, his chest presses against my boobs. I forbid myself to think about what Will and Janine are doing inside their chimney.

“Be methodical,” Samir orders, like he has a PhD in chimney searching. “I only want to do this once.”

“Trust me, you’re not alone,” I mutter.

I make a show of searching for about two minutes before I start breathing harder and faster, channeling Will on the plane. Then I start swaying a little and stumble into Samir like I’m growing unsteady on my feet. “Watch it,” he snaps.

“This space is really, really small,” I say, making my voice tremble.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

“No, I mean, really small. And hot. Are you hot? I feel super warm.”

“Not really,” he says.

I breathe faster. “Samir, I feel weird. I need to get out of here. I need air.”

He sighs impatiently. “You can have all the air you want once we find the brick.”

“No, I need it now. I can’t breathe. I feel like the walls are closing in.” I stagger, crashing into Samir’s chest and knocking him back against the wall. “Oh my God oh my God oh my God …,” I chant in a high-pitched, hysterical voice.

“Claire, chill out! Just take a deep breath, okay? You’re fine. We need to do this.”

“I can’t, I can’t do this. I need to get out of here.” I deserve an Oscar for this performance. Before Samir can protest, I duck down and crawl out of the opening, panting so hard I really am starting to get dizzy. I curl up on the floor with my head between my knees, cursing the insidious bagpipe music that’s trying to eat my brain from the inside.

Right away, a producer appears beside me. “Are you hurt?” She puts a gentle hand on my back, even though I’m covered in pudding and sweat and dirt. She’s the first person who’s been nice to me in twenty-four hours, and even though my panic attack is totally fake, for a second I feel like I’m going to cry for real. Stay on task, I remind myself.

“No,” I gasp. “I just don’t do well with small spaces.”

“Just breathe. You’re going to be fine.” She reaches out and taps Samir’s ankle, and he squats down so he can hear her. “You have to stop searching until your partner is ready to rejoin you,” she says.

He rolls his eyes. “Claire, hurry up. Are you almost ready?”

I put my hand to my forehead like I’m a fragile flower and take a surreptitious glance around the room. Miranda and Steve are gone, but Will and Janine are still in their chimney, and Tawny and Troy haven’t even arrived. I need to draw this out longer. I take several infuriatingly slow breaths and say, “Okay, I can try again,” in a weak voice.

The second I’m back inside the chimney, I start making small whimpering sounds that harmonize with the obnoxious bagpipes. “I hate this, I hate this, I hate this,” I whine. “Where is that stupid brick?”

“Relax,” Samir says with about as much sympathy as a drill instructor. “Close your eyes and pretend you’re somewhere else.”

“But I can feel how close together we are. You keep bumping into me. Oh God, I’m getting dizzy again.” I flail my arms around and “accidentally” whack him in the face.

“Knock it off!” he shouts. “We don’t have time for this. We’re already way behind!”

“I can’t help it! I’m claustrophobic! It’s not like I’m choosing to be scared!”

“God, fine. Just … stand still, okay? You don’t have to do anything, but you have to stay in here, or I’m not allowed to search.”

“I’ll try,” I say. “But I can’t promise anything.”

I leave the chimney twice more to “get some air” before Samir finally finds the loose brick, which turns out to be near the bottom, behind my right knee. As we crawl out into the room, I scan the other chimneys for shoes and find that Will and Janine are gone and Tawny and Troy have finally arrived.

Samir rips open the instructions for our last challenge—our final challenge of the race, if everything goes as planned.

Drive yourselves to Sweetheart Abbey in Dumfries. This famous abbey was founded in 1275 by a lord’s daughter in honor of her dead husband. When she died, his embalmed heart was buried in a small casket beside her. You must search the thirty-acre grounds of the abbey, where hundreds of small caskets have been scattered. Only one of them contains your next instructions.

Samir groans and rubs his eyes, leaving behind smudges of soot that make him look like a raccoon. “Oh my God, this could take forever.”

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and find it right away,” I say.

He glares at me. “Everything takes forever with you. I have no idea how you’ve lasted this long in the race. I can’t wait to switch partners.”

I shoot the camera another secretive smile as I follow Samir out of the pub.