For Real(67)

But tomorrow isn’t soon enough; I need to fix things now. “Can you at least tell me which room she’s in?”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Claire. She specifically requested not to see you.”

I managed to keep it together in front of Will, but now I’m positive I’m going to cry. I close my eyes and take a deep, steadying breath, in for three counts and out for five, just like my fifth-grade teacher taught me. Right now, I can’t let myself think about how angry Miranda is. I can’t think about how thoroughly I misread Will. I have a job to do, and that means I need to rise above my emotions and concentrate. For a little while longer, I need to focus on playing the game. There will be plenty of time to break down later, when all this is over.

I open my eyes and sit up straight. “Can I talk to you alone for a few minutes, then?” I ask Ken.

He looks at his watch. “Okay, but make it quick. We’re on a tight schedule today. What’s up?”

“I want you to be prepared for what I’m going to do tomorrow,” I say. “I think you’re going to like this, and I want to make sure you get all the footage you need.”

Suddenly he looks more interested. “What are you planning to do, exactly?”

“I’m going to sabotage myself,” I tell him. “And I’m going to take Samir down with me.”





When I get back to my room, I hand-wash my Team Revenge T-shirt in the tiny bathroom sink and hang it over the shower rail to dry. Then I lie awake for eight hours, staring at the cracks in the ceiling and thinking about everything that’s happened with Will and Miranda. Around midnight, I consider getting up, systematically knocking on every door in the hotel until I find my sister’s room, and forcing her to let me explain myself. But that seems like a less-than-stellar plan, unless I want to get yelled at by a lot of angry Greek people. I’ll just have to hope that my actions tomorrow speak loudly enough to show Miranda that I finally understand what she’s been trying to tell me.

By the time my alarm goes off for my 3:15 a.m. departure with Samir, I haven’t slept at all. I guess I’ll have to get through today on coffee and adrenaline. My shirt is still a little damp, but I put it on anyway, hoping it’ll give me strength.

Samir is waiting for me in the lobby, marking up a copy of Backstage magazine with a red pen. “Hey,” I say.

He doesn’t even look up. “I know you hate me,” he says. “I thought that was the whole reason you came on the show. So why did you pick me as your partner?”

“I don’t hate you. Miranda hates you. And Miranda and I are fighting right now. I mean, no offense or anything, but I mostly picked you ’cause I thought it would piss her off. It seemed like a good way to show her that she and I aren’t allies anymore.”

For a minute I’m not sure he’s going to buy it, but then he shrugs. “Whatever,” he says. “Honestly, I don’t really care if you do hate me, as long as you race well. It’s not like we have to be friends. I just want to win.”

“Yeah,” I say. “Me too.”

He gestures at my shirt. “So, is that supposed to be ironic or something, now that we’re on the same side?”

“I still want revenge,” I say. “I just have a different target today.”

I spend the whole ride to the checkpoint taking deep, steadying breaths and promising myself that today I will be totally focused, totally in control. I won’t let anything shake me or mess with my emotions. I won’t even look at Will. I won’t think about the fury in Miranda’s eyes as she accused me of being selfish. Over and over, I tell myself that I’m strong and clever and that everything’s going to turn out okay. If I think it enough times, maybe I’ll actually start believing it.

We meet our new crew—Robby on camera, Kanesha on sound—and Robby gives me a secretive smile as he shakes my hand. The producers have probably told him all about my plans for today so he’ll be sure to film the right things. I smile back, and I must be showing more than I intended on my face, because Isis says, “Claire, you look ready to race this morning.”

“Never been readier,” I say. “Bring it on.”

“Well, may the forces of love and luck be with you.” She hands me our first envelope, and I rip it open and read the instructions out loud.

Fly to Glasgow, Scotland, then choose an Around the World car at the airport and drive yourselves to Glasgow Green. Once you arrive, find the world’s largest terra-cotta fountain, where you will receive your next instructions.

All the way to the airport, Samir monologues about an idea he has for a new screenplay, which would star him as a mysterious, tortured model/spy/assassin who’s living a triple life with three hot wives who are all played by the same actress. At first I try to listen, but as he delves into the “nuanced psychological aspects” of the story, I quickly discover that he just wants to hear himself talk and doesn’t require actual input from me. When we finally arrive, we buy tickets for a British Airways flight leaving at seven in the morning. Martin, Zora, Will, and Janine are already at the gate, and when Will smiles at me, all the emotions I’m holding at bay threaten to flood back into my chest. I take a deep breath and turn away.

When Miranda shows up, I desperately want to run over and explain everything, but I can’t very well do that without blowing my cover with Samir. I’m hoping she’ll put the pieces together on her own when she sees me wearing my Team Revenge shirt, but she just shoots me a look full of anger and hurt from across the gate, and I know she doesn’t get it. I tug twice on my right earlobe and once on my left, the sign we always used at family functions to mean I need a break, meet me in the bathroom. But after ten minutes of waiting by the automatic sinks, I’m forced to admit that she isn’t coming. I guess Ken wasn’t kidding when he said she didn’t want to see me. I know I can knock Samir out of the race alone, but Miranda and I were supposed to do this together. It hurts to know that she thinks I’ve sided with the enemy when I’m really just trying to get rid of him for good.