City Love(77)

I call Austin before I leave to let him know we won’t be meeting up with them. It goes to voice mail. I hope he gets the message so they’re not waiting around for us.

Walking down Perry Street toward the river, a refreshing summer breeze lifts my hair back and rustles my dress around my legs. Three cute guys turn to look at me as they pass me on the street. I smile at the orange sky.

D is waiting for me outside Otheroom. He’s so gorgeous I don’t even know what to do with myself. He’s standing still with the same serenity he had at Lalo, confident and patient. His skin is sun-kissed and his sandy blond hair looks lighter. He sees me a few doors down and smiles. I wave at him, smiling back. He watches me walk toward him. I try not to feel self-conscious with his eyes on me, teetering on the fancy heels Darcy insisted would go with every new ensemble she bought for me. Looking like I actually know how to walk in heels would probably help. Plus I’m nervous about seeing D again after running out like a freak. Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe it.

“You look beautiful,” D says.

“Thanks. I wasn’t sure if this was too dressy, or . . .”

“It’s perfect.”

Otheroom has to be the smallest bar in New York. The front windows are wide open. A counter runs across them, jammed with people laughing and yelling over the music. We push our way up to the bar. D told me that this place has regular drinks like cherry soda and root beer, which are apparently rare finds in bars. He orders a cherry soda for me and a beer for him and we go to the back room. A couch curves around the edge of the tiny space. A couple is just leaving from a spot on the couch in the far corner as we walk in. We snag the spot.

“This place is awesome,” I say. I’m not a bar person at all, but I would come back here. The two small rooms are both very dark. Candles are placed on every table and ledge, illuminating everyone and everything with a soft glow. We sip our drinks in the candlelight. D captures me with his intense laser focus.

“Remember when you were out on my balcony?” he says. “Admiring the view?”

I nod.

“Your reaction was amazing. The way you were lost in your own world for a few minutes. It reminded me of my first week in the apartment. I would stand out there every night, mesmerized by the lights and buildings and rooftops. Every night I would notice something new. I still find new things all the time. It would be impossible to see everything there is, even if I stood out there every single night. The city is constantly changing. Growing. Improving. The energy is like this fuel I run on. When you were out on my balcony taking it all in, I could tell you felt the same way. You get a rush from just being here.”

“Being here means everything to me. This was my big dream for so long.”

“I’m proud of you for living your dream. Not many people have the courage to do that. People usually hold back because they’re afraid. You’re not like that.”

My mind flashes back to running out of D’s apartment. I was afraid then. But here he is, telling me that I’m not the type of person to let fear hold her back. Not only does he see the potential of what I can become, he sees those qualities as if I’m already showing them.

“I really wanted to kiss you,” D says. “Why didn’t you let me?”

I can’t admit what happened to D. I couldn’t even talk about it with my friends. He doesn’t need to know, anyway. My past does not have to define me. All he needs to know is this best version of myself.

“Sorry,” D says. “You said you didn’t want to talk about it. I shouldn’t be pushing you. Was I really that deranged creeper unzipping your dress? After you said you had to go? That was—” D rakes his hands through his hair. “That was wrong. You need to take it slow. I respect that. Don’t worry, I won’t push you anymore.”

“It’s okay.”

“Can you forgive me?”

“Of course.”

“I think I was just . . . overwhelmed. You’ve been making me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. And you’ve been making me feel things I’ve never felt before.” D slides his hand over mine, putting me in a tingly trance. He’s looking at me with that intense laser focus again.

This is it. The moment I’ve been waiting for. The moment when I know for sure that I’m doing the right thing. The doubt and fear have disintegrated. All I want is to never stop feeling this way.

My lips find his in the dim candlelight. I kiss him the way I have a million times in my fantasies. He kisses me back with the same passion. The way he’s making me feel is how I’ve been waiting to feel for so long. I want to touch him everywhere. Kissing him this way is even hotter than I imagined.

D is wrong for me in a lot of ways. There are guys out there who would be a better match for me.

But I want him.

Someone who, despite every fiber of resistance I’ve been straining to keep resilient, is what my body wants. I want to start overcoming my fear of being intimate with a boy. I can’t handle sex yet. I just want to feel empowered. I want to be with D the way I’ve imagined in my fantasies. Then I can stop being so afraid.

And then the present will become powerful enough to erase the past.





ACKNOWLEDGMENTS


THESE SPECTACULAR POINTS OF LIGHT glitter more brightly than the Chrysler Building, the Empire State Building, and One World Trade put together: Katherine Tegen, who welcomed me with open arms. Your editorial insight, creative vision, and overall brilliance have sculpted this book into the best version of itself. Thank you for a world of new possibilities.