City Love(75)

The woman claiming to be Austin’s wife wants to know who I am. This probably isn’t the best time to tell her I’m his soul mate.

I don’t answer her. I hang up and turn his phone off.

I’m still staring at the phone in my hand when Austin comes back.

“Calling someone?” he asks, sitting down.

“Your wife called.” The words sound like a lie coming out of my mouth. Like we’re acting out some movie scene. But I’m pretty sure what I just said is true.

“What?”

“I did not just talk to your wife.”

Austin looks at the phone. He doesn’t say anything.

“Please tell me you’re not married,” I say.

“Sadie.” Austin puts his hand on my arm.

I yank my arm away. I throw his phone down on the bar.

“Please,” I say.

Austin looks at me. “I can’t tell you that,” he says.

My entire world crumbles. My entire world, containing every truth I’ve ever known, every relationship I’ve ever built, every experience I’ve ever had, crumbles to pieces around me.

“I was about to get separated before I met you,” Austin says. “We got married too young. I’ve been regretting it. Then I found you and . . . now I know how love is supposed to feel. For the first time in my life, I understand what it feels like to really be in love.”

We got married too young. Not we as in Austin and me. We as in Austin and his wife.

“I thought we had something real,” I say.

“We did. We do.”

“How can something real be based on a lie?”

“Everything I’ve told you is true.”

“Except you forgot the part where you’re married.” Underneath the shock, I know I should leave. Just walk out and never look back. But the shock is keeping me glued to the stool.

I can’t believe he’s married. I can’t believe this is happening.

“You don’t wear a wedding ring,” I point out.

“I stopped wearing it a few weeks before we met.”

“But you put it back on when you go home.”

Austin stays quiet.

“Right?” I press.

“Yeah.”

“How could you do that to your wife? How could you do that to me?”

“Sadie, I—”

“What about when you told me we were made for each other?” A million unanswered questions flash through my mind all at once. None of this makes sense. “When you said we were meant to be?”

“I really do feel that way. I feel closer to you than I ever have to my wife.”

My wife. Not me. Some other woman.

“Who are you?” I ask.

“Someone who adores you.”

“What about last night when you told me I make you happier than anyone ever has?”

“That was true. Everything I’ve ever told you was true.”

“Even when you told me you’re married? Oh wait, you never told me that. I had to find out from your wife.”

This is bullshit. I spring up from the stool, almost toppling it over.

“We’re done,” I say. “Obviously.”

I walk out. Austin doesn’t follow me.

I am completely shattered. I walk without realizing what I’m doing or where I’m going. When I reach Hudson River Park, where we were those people I’d always wanted to be and the epic feeling burst open inside of me brighter than a million stars, I look out across the water. Austin lives on the other side. He doesn’t live alone. He lives with his wife.

My soul mate is not who I thought he was.

Our entire relationship was a joke.

He was married the whole time.

How do you ever come back from that?





THIRTY-FIVE

DARCY


SO I MADE AN EXECUTIVE decision. But first I had to admit something to myself I really didn’t want to.

I like Jude.

We were making out last night in that recliner at Welcome to the Johnsons for an astoundingly long time. Straight up, we must have broken like five different records. I couldn’t wait to be alone with him. Let’s just say I could tell Jude felt the same way. We went to his place after. Only one of his three roommates was home. Jude introduced us and then we disappeared into his room.

And then . . . we spent the night together.

Nothing serious happened. Unless you call making out all night serious. But I have to admit that my feelings for Jude have been upgraded. I’m in the hookup haze and feeling all types of twirly emotions. Twirly emotions have been known to get out of control.

Back to my executive decision. If Jude needs us to be all official boyfriend/girlfriend material, then I can’t help him. But if Jude is into keeping things casual, I’m into keeping things casual. With potential. Sort of an exclusive casual thing. Like maybe we could try just seeing each other, but with no expectations. Our chemistry is ridiculous. We have tons of fun together. So I was thinking it might be an interesting experiment. The exclusive casual thing gives us the best of both worlds: being with a person we really like without the pressure of a heavy commitment. How could he not agree that would be a sweet deal?

Last night made me realize one thing I miss about being in a relationship. I miss the consistency of always being able to share the Now with your person. Someone who feels the same way about living in the moment as you do. Someone you can share your life with who you not only love, but love spending time with. As much as I live for adventure, part of me needs that deeper connection with another person. Connection makes the adventures more meaningful. Without me realizing it was happening, Jude has been filling that void for me.