An Uncertain Choice(47)

Did Derrick have what I lacked? And likewise? Could my strengths hold him up in his weakness?

“As I said, I’m no expert in love, my lady.” Trudy turned to me and cupped my cheeks. “I don’t know if what you’re feeling is true love. But I do see that you’re happier now than you’ve been in a very long time.”

I could only nod in agreement. I was happier. I felt more alive than I ever had before.

“Then you don’t think it would be wrong for me to get married instead of entering the convent?” There was still part of me that wondered if God would be displeased if I chose to pursue the love of a man.

“Oh, Rose.” Trudy patted my cheek. “Even though I’m still tempted to carry you off to the convent for your safe-keeping, I can’t deny you this chance to experience what your mother did.”

I’d once resigned myself to the safety, peace, and quiet of the convent. But after the past two weeks of companionship, I again had to ask myself: Could I be satisfied with solitude the rest of my life? How would I be able to face the loneliness after having experienced the joy of relationships?

“If one of those knights has made you happy, then you have two weeks left to discover if it’s love.”

“Ten days.”

Trudy chuckled and then turned to pick up a scarf from the floor. I smiled, and my entire body felt invigorated. If I spent not just today, but the next ten days with Derrick, I would surely learn if I loved him enough to marry him.

What excuse might I offer so that I could spend every minute with him the rest of the month?

When I finally made my way outside onto the upper landing, I was breathless with anticipation. Even though it was still morning, the sunshine was warm and held the promise of a glorious summer day. Derrick was holding the reins of both his horse and mine while conversing with a servant who was seated on a cart near the stables.

As the duke escorted me down into the inner courtyard, speaking with me as we descended the stairs, I could feel Derrick’s attention turn on me and follow each step I took. The intensity felt as if it was burning through me, until finally I couldn’t keep from looking over at him. His gray eyes smoldered with something I couldn’t begin to understand. And when he smiled at me — ?a smile meant for me alone — ?my knees went weak. He started across the bailey toward us.

“I can see that the two of you are looking forward to this special day together,” the duke murmured with a hint of humor.

I quickly averted my gaze from Derrick and focused instead on Pup, who followed closely behind Derrick. “I was hoping it wasn’t quite so obvious,” I muttered back.

The duke chuckled. “It’s a very good thing that Derrick finally planned something. I was afraid of what he might do if he had to watch you with the other two knights again.”

“I don’t wish to harm their friendships with each other.”

“Of course not.” The duke squeezed my hand, which was curled into the crook of his arm. “But they all knew when coming into the contest that they must fight fair.”

“I did my best to give Sir Collin and Sir Bennet a chance yesterday,” I said quickly. “But I wish only to spend time with one man now.”

The duke’s eyes brightened. “Then we shall make that happen.”

I knew my words were bold — ?much bolder than I would have used under different circumstances. But always at the back of my mind there was an urgency prodding me, reminding me that time was short. With each minute that ticked away, so did my chance of finding true love. I had to make the most of every second.

When Derrick met us, however, I was at a loss for words. What did I say to a man whose presence overwhelmed me?

“My lady.” He held out his arm to me and his brow quirked, almost as if he knew the effect he was having on me and was enjoying it. “Are you ready for what’s in store?”

Of course I was ready, but I couldn’t tell him that, not when he already knew it. Instead I tipped my head and gave him what I hoped was a coy look. “I think you take too much pleasure in surprising me, sir.”

He grinned. “Life is always a little more enjoyable with a few surprises, don’t you think, my lady?”

I smiled in return and tucked my fingers into his arm, letting him guide me the rest of the way to my horse. At his nearness, my heart thudded against my chest like a wild drumbeat. How was it that the merest contact with him could affect me so much?

As we passed Sir Collin and Sir Bennet, who stood near the stables as well, I nodded at them and prayed they could see an apology in my eyes, an apology for favoring Derrick above them. Sir Collin’s head was covered with a bandage from the cut he’d sustained yesterday, and the bruise above Sir Bennet’s eye was black and blue. They’d battled for me, but I suspected they had lost, even if they didn’t realize it yet. Although, from the resigned look in their eyes, perhaps they did. At the very least, I was relieved that their anger toward Derrick seemed gone from their countenances, at least for now.

Later, I would need to speak with both of them privately and thank them for their kindness and efforts during the past month. I owed them that much.

“How did you enjoy the festivities yesterday?” I asked Derrick after we were mounted and on our way.

He leaned toward me. “It was the worst day of my life, my lady.”