An Uncertain Choice(45)

Derrick didn’t say anything for an eternal moment. When he finally lifted his head, the gray of his eyes had lightened considerably. “And perhaps it takes courage to face the unknown rather than to run and hide from it.”

I knew he was referring to me. I’d put aside the safe course in my life. I’d braved my doubts and taken the chance at finding true love.

Had I found it?

I examined his face, the strong, handsome lines, the layer of scruff that lent him a rough edge, and the steel of his eyes. I couldn’t deny that I found him attractive. And being near him always did strange things to my insides. But what else did I like about him? Was there something more that set him apart from Sir Collin and Sir Bennet?

The abbot cleared his throat loudly and frowned directly at Derrick’s hold on my hand.

Rapidly, I tugged free, only to earn a grin from Derrick.

“I suppose it’s a good thing we have such devoted chaperones.” His gaze skimmed my lips. His voice was so low that no one else around could hear it. “If not for the abbot watching every move I make, I would most certainly claim that prize you owe me.”

I felt my blood rise to my face, and I focused on my trencher and the untouched food.

I’d never kissed a man before. And although the thought of Derrick pulling me close and pressing his lips against mine sent a welcome shiver through me, I also knew I must be careful. I didn’t want to lead him on to believe I cared about him — unless I truly did. For all his whispers and hints about kissing me, he was much too honorable to casually do so.

Nevertheless, his words did speak of his desire. And even though he’d denied his willingness to win my heart, he couldn’t deny that he was interested in me and found me attractive, could he?

If I proved to him that his past didn’t matter, would he be willing to let these new feelings between us develop and grow?

Throughout dinner, I did my best to engage Derrick in further conversation. I discovered that he was easy to talk with, that he shared openly on a variety of topics, and that he sought my opinions on matters too. When other noblemen came past the head table to congratulate him on his win and his place of honor, he conversed with them with ease and authority. He included me in the discussion of the strange outbreaks of fever and the increasing number of poor who were dying. We were all thankful that, so far, the illness in town hadn’t spread.

I could see he was knowledgeable and that the men respected him. And after listening to him, I couldn’t help but give him my own respect.

As the play-actors put on their stage production, I could feel his gaze on me more than on the play. And when I turned to smile at him, his eyes lit with appreciation, as if he respected me too.

Afterward, when the sky was streaked with pinks and purples and the stars were beginning to make their faint appearances, he leaned close. “It’s been a very fine evening. With you.”

Underneath the cover of the table, he reached for my hand in my lap. Without breaking eye contact, he laced his fingers together with mine. I didn’t resist.

He glanced at the abbot, who was in a deep conversation with the nobleman next to him, then offered me a secretive smile. I returned it, suddenly happier than I could remember having ever been in my life. Was this what love felt like?

Had I fallen in love with Derrick?

I sucked in a quick breath at the thought. His eyes darkened, almost as if he’d read my question. But I glanced away, too confused to let him see the truth in my eyes — ?a truth I wasn’t sure I was ready to admit.

“I see you’ve monopolized Lady Rosemarie’s attention all evening,” came Sir Collin’s voice from down the table. Even though he laughed, there was the hint of challenge in his words.

Sir Bennet nodded at Derrick with the same brooding glower he’d had earlier. “Sir Collin and I were just saying that since you’ve had Lady Rosemarie to yourself all evening, each of us deserves the same chance on the morrow.”

Derrick stiffened. His fingers tightened against mine almost possessively.

“The duke has agreed,” Sir Collin said. “I shall have the chance to spend the morning with Lady Rosemarie. And Bennet will have her undivided attention all afternoon. ’Tis only fair, is it not?”

I couldn’t deny Sir Collin’s rationalization. But it didn’t stop me from wishing I could spend the entire day with Derrick instead.

Derrick hesitated answering, and when he pulled my hand closer to him under the table, my heart did a fast twirl. Had he changed his mind about sitting back and letting his friends win me? Was he going to fight for me after all?

The muscles in his face tightened before he forced a smile at Sir Collin, one that was decidedly cool. “If the duke has agreed to the plans, then who am I to stop him?”

I wanted to reassure Derrick that I’d rather spend the day with him, but I refrained. Perhaps I needed another opportunity to be with both Sir Collin and Sir Bennet, to test my feelings. They were good men too. And I couldn’t dismiss their affection without giving them at least one more chance.

An outing with each of them would surely help ease my confusion.

The minstrel’s tune mingled with the laughter of the guests. In the distance came the music and dancing of my townspeople, who were now enjoying the leftovers of the feast.

Derrick released my hand and pushed away from the table. His expression had turned as dark as the deepening twilight.