A Time for Hope (Lexi, #3)(8)
“Taylah, stop with the f*cking riddles, screw me up how? What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you Lexi. About you knowing how to move forward but for some reason you’re not. I know you want to try and get back to what or who you were, but we both know, that ain’t happening. What I’m saying is, maybe what you can be now is better than what you ever were then. I’m probably giving you like the biggest mind f*ck right now and I am so sorry if I am, but I saw a glimpse of greatness before. You… taking charge! Talking to Matt, getting back to work, wanting to find out shit about Marcy - you were focused, clear, resolute. Then, just like that, you decided to buy the apartment, which incidentally was straight up badass by the way! Lexi version 2.0 is awesome, why would you want to go back to the old one?” Taylah paused gauging my reaction before she continued.
“So instead of fighting it, let’s embrace it. Stop fighting the darkness Lex, it’s part of you and not all of it is bad. Maybe I’m going against all kinds of rules here but let the old you stay where she belongs, in the past. Let’s see what the new Lexi is capable of and I bet you a new pair of fancy, over-priced shoes that this new girl could kick the old Lexi’s ass.”
I wasn’t shocked at Taylah’s candor, hell, I’d never known her to hold her tongue and what she was saying made all kinds of sense to me. Everyone was tiptoeing around it but there was no point trying to hide it. I would always wear the scars of my past, it’s what I did with them that counted now. It had felt good to make some decisions today. Not overthinking, just doing. I was back in the driver’s seat and the only person stopping me from moving was… myself. That’s a tough realization to come to - I was my own worst enemy. What she said was true. Deep down I knew what I had to do but for whatever reason I was scared; wondering if I’d measure up to my previous self. The self-doubt was the chain that weighed me down. No more. I was worth more than that, damn it. I owed it to myself.
“You’re right. On so many levels, you are right. I can’t go back.” I shook my head silently. Forward, I need to move forward.
“Hey Tay, I’ve got an idea,” a smile crept across my lips. The mental cogs turned wildly as my plan formulated itself on the fly.
“Gee Lex, I always get nervous when you say that. This doesn’t involve me cooking does it? Cause I’m fairly sure it was a fluke I didn’t end up with third degree burns last time.” Taylah winced as she eyed me curiously.
“No, no cooking.” I assured her, “I need to buy a wig, some coloured contact lenses and a new outfit.”
“You holding up a liquor store or infiltrating an embassy?” Taylah laughed nervously. “Just so you know, I wasn’t suggesting that the new ‘you’ start a life of crime. The whole orange jump suit thing wouldn’t work with your skin tone.”
“Nothing illegal,” I promised. “Let me go upstairs and take care of a few things, then the real work begins.”
I opened the door of the Escalade and stepped out of the car. DarNell tipped his chin as his eyes tracked my movements. “Thanks DarNell, I can take it from here.”
“Lexi, that wasn’t our agreement.” DarNell’s massive frame blocked my progress to the door of the building.
“New agreement, DarNell. I’m calling the shots. I’m not going to start taking any unnecessary risks and I get you are going to be shadowing me, but you need to give me some room here. I’m walking in by myself. I will be fine. You will wait here until I’m done.” I felt stronger with each directive despite DarNell’s tightening jawline.
“You are a pain in my ass,” DarNell muttered as I sauntered past.
“Love you too D!”
Chapter 3 - Covert Ops
“Are you f*cking with me right now?” Alex glared at me as he walked out of our bathroom. The low-slung towel teased his hips and his skin still glistened with water from his shower. He drew a breath as he took in my “adjusted” appearance.
I had taken the opportunity while he was in the bathroom to change into my new get up because deep down I knew he’d probably be less than pleased with my choice of attire. The green coloured contacts in my eyes felt weird and the long red-haired wig was itching slightly but I was impressed with how it had all come together. I looked markedly different and it was certainly enough to fool anyone who wasn’t expecting the change.
“Oh come on, I thought you liked redheads? Look, I even got some silicone fillers for my bra. How good do they look?” I squeezed my cleavage together, though I knew it would probably enrage him further.
I had earlier gone up to my office as planned, there was a weird awkwardness that surrounded my visit as I knew it would. People were still unsure of what to say to me, some even avoiding me outright so as to not have to deal with the weirdness. It just made my resolve stronger. So after checking in with Anna and Matt and dropping off the real estate contract with legal, I took my ass downstairs to where DarNell was wearing a hole through the concrete at the curbside. He had given me disapproving grunts but spared me a lecture. Taylah had waited patiently in the car, ready to go shopping for a disguise. Yeah, maybe it was cheesy or maybe it was plain ironic, but I needed some distance between me and the “world” as I reentered it. No press following me, no need to deal with the awkward silence that usually accompanied my appearance and most of all, room to rediscover myself without being in the fishbowl.