Without a Hitch(27)

“Pfft. If it ain’t dirty, it ain’t worth doin’, and it sounds like little miss fairy tale up there has the dirt on the dirty. I’m not missing this,” she says with her thick southern drawl.

“Mable, do you want to just come up here and join us?” Delaney asks. Delaney’s default is people pleaser, and she never wants to leave anyone out.

Mable coughs like she’s on her twentieth cigarette of the hour. “No, I don’t want to join you. Why would I want to hang out with a bunch of gossip girls who walked out on a perfectly good opportunity to get another orgasm?”

“You’d rather just eavesdrop?” Hadley’s curious question has Mable laughing again.

“It’s not eavesdropping if you know I’m doing it. Now get on with it. I need my beauty sleep.”

Mable has skin like a fake crocodile purse, mischievous eyes that sag with age, and yet, she is truly still beautiful.

“Ah, okay.”

We all stare at each other.

“You were about to tell Delaney she needs to get laid,” Mable supplies helpfully.

“I’ve had sex before,” Delaney huffs.

“Yes. You have. With Micropenis Mike. That doesn’t count,” Hadley deadpans.

Delaney’s face turns an uncomfortable shade of red, and I can’t tell if she’s angry or embarrassed, but her freckles appear purple.

Eli jumps in to redirect the conversation back to me. “You met an amazing man at a wedding, and you walked away before he could reject you.”

“Well…”

“Titty, that’s exactly what you did,” Mable interrupts.

“No, it’s not,” I protest. “You don’t understand. It was one of those lightning strike moments. He saw me, and I—I don’t know—it’s like I wasn’t myself. I was flirtatious and forward. I mean, the sex was otherworldly. But I felt like a different person around him. Like his energy infiltrated my soul and turned me into this confident version of myself that takes charge and gets shit done.”

There’s a long silence while everyone stares at me.

“Oh, honey,” Eli says. “Don’t you see? That is you. You make sure everyone is taken care of. You do get shit done—you’ve just never wanted the parade announcing it to the universe.” She stares me down, daring me to argue with her.

“You guys are missing the point. Blaine was a one-night stand that will live rent-free in my head for the rest of my life. But, two weeks ago, I was at a wedding, babysitting an unruly bridesmaid, and I made twenty thousand dollars!”

“You lucky bitch.” Hadley smiles. “I still don’t understand how that happened or why we’re just hearing the details now.”

“I’ve been traveling. You guys have been working. Need I remind you it’s the first time we’ve all been together in weeks? Again, twenty grand, Hades! Can we focus here?”

“How do you claim that on your taxes?” Delaney asks, full of wide-eyed innocence.

I turn to stare at her.

“Only you would be worried about the taxes.” Eli laughs.

It’s not that my best friend is necessarily na?ve, but she is a rule-follower to her very core.

“Death, sex, and taxes.” Mable chuckles. We’ve learned sometimes it’s best to just ignore her.

“Well.” Delaney sniffs. “It’s an important thing to worry about. The IRS doesn’t mess around with taxes.”

I’m about to tell her that I’ll look into it first thing Monday morning when my phone rings.

Glancing down, I see it’s Jenna Frye calling, and my nerves get the better of me.

“Holy crap. It’s Jenna!” I hiss. “The bride!”

“Oh, God. What if she’s calling to ask for a refund or something?” Hadley squeaks, then chews on her nails while humming low in her throat. It’s a habit that’s both endearing and devastating at the same time. A side effect of losing her parents in college.

I reassure her with a soft smile. “No, Hades. I don’t think she’d do that. But she is supposed to still be on her honeymoon…”

“Just answer the damn thing already,” Eli barks, snapping me out of my haze.

“Right. Okay.” Pressing the green button, I clear my throat before answering. “Hello?”

“Abby Tilly Chambers, how are you, my amazing wedding-saving friend?”

“Ah, I’m good.” I laugh, raising an eyebrow at the girls, then I pick up where Hadley left off pacing earlier. “How are you? Aren’t you still on your honeymoon?”

“I am, but I have a job offer for you.”

I stare at the girls, flabbergasted, and put my phone on speaker. “Ah, a job offer? I already have a job.”

“Will it pay you 30K for a few days of work?”

“Wh-What?” I choke. Eli jumps to her feet, waving wildly, while Delaney gently pushes me into a chair, and Hadley stands frozen in our small family room.

“Yes. Audra, remember her? She was one of my bridesmaids. One of the nice ones. Anyway, she’s getting married, and her best friend and her cousin are at war. She wants to hire you to micromanage her cousin because the bachelorette party was a disaster of epic proportions. And, her parents are loaded, so I told her it would cost thirty thousand instead of twenty. See, good things come to those who stick their noses in bitchy bridesmaids’ business.”