With This Heart(14)

I ignored her blatant hyperbole. “So they’ll understand why I went?”

“ Yes. You deserve to go, and they’ll understand later. Like when you’re fifty. I wouldn’t mention it until then.”

“ Okay, that’s what I needed to hear,” I paused, letting the guilt sink in about leaving Caroline.

“ Hey, I know you’ll yell at me about it, but it’s not too late for me to cancel the trip and stay. I really don’t want to leave you.” The more I talked about it, the more I felt like that was the right decision. I’d stay with Caroline and visit her in the hospital and do… I don’t know what with the rest of my time. Get a job? Yeah. I needed a job. Just the thought brought back the sinking feeling in my stomach.

“ I cannot believe you’re even bringing that up again. Abby, I’ve told you a million times and now it’s just annoying. I want you to go. I want you to have crazy campfire sex with this guy.”

“ Ew, like on the fire? What the hell are you into, Caro?”

“ I’m serious, Abby. Please don’t stay for me. You’ll make me feel like crap.” It was that sentence that sealed my fate. I didn’t think Caroline was lying. I knew what it felt like to be a burden.

“ Okay,” I relented. “I’ve gotta go help my parents steam quinoa.”

“ That was the most boring sentence I’ve ever heard.”

Boring? Fine.

“ I bought condoms at the store today, did I tell you that?”

“ You’re dropping that bomb on me right before you hang up?!” she exclaimed, causing a whole new coughing fit.

“ Crap. Sorry, seriously heal up. I’ll update you if we do the deed or anything.”

She laughed wistfully. “Please do, I’m living vicariously through you.”

“ K. Love ya, C.”

“ Love ya, Abs.”





[page]CHAPTER SIX





I changed ten times Friday morning, finally settling on a short pair of faded denim cut-offs and a fitted t-shirt with my standard white Keds. Anything else felt like I was trying too hard, which I was. I tugged my hair into a loose braid and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Sage green eyes, even skin tone, standard eyebrows and eyelashes. I’d never thought I needed makeup before, but I suddenly felt self-conscious. I pinched my cheeks like they always do in Jane Austen books and then laughed out loud because I was acting insane. Beck knew what I look like and he seemed to like it so far, right?

I made myself some organic egg whites with a side of banana and peanut butter. Then I painted my nails a bright pink color, hated it, and swapped it out for a bright red.

After all that, it was still only ten thirty in the morning.

Crap .

I clicked on the TV and flipped through day-time shows, not really concentrating on any of it. My finger kept clicking aimlessly until I looked up and saw that it was five minutes to eleven. Yesterday we’d arranged for Beck to pick me up at my apartment, so when I heard a loud BEEP-BEEP a second later, my heart rate leapt. I hopped off the couch and straightened my shirt.

I had three bags filled with my essentials, plus my sleeping bag and a grocery bag full of healthy snacks. My trusty black urn sat beside the pile, taped on all sides so it wouldn’t spill open. That black urn was the most important thing I was taking on the trip. Well, other than my medications. I grabbed my first bag and opened my front door to find Beck standing a few feet outside. I took in his messy brown hair, white t-shirt, and dark jeans. Why did a white t-shirt look so good on him? Maybe because it was fitted enough to show off his toned body without being obnoxiously tight? I wasn’t quite sure.

He didn’t say anything at first. His hazel eyes scanned down my body, lingering a moment longer on my bare legs, and then he looked back up at me with a wide, perfectly straight smile.

“ Is that all you’re bringing?” he asked, pointing at the smallest of my three bags.

“ Hah! Yeah right, I have like ten times more stuff.”

He shook his head and narrowed his eyes on me playfully. “I like a girl with baggage, Abby Mae. Keeps things interesting.”

His comment was too much; it stripped away my normal sarcastic responses. I was left with nothing but the bag in my hand, so I tossed it at him. He had to think fast and catch it before it fell to the ground at his feet.

“ Good. Help me load it up then,” I smirked, and then turned to collect the rest of my stuff.

“ Don’t forget to go to the bathroom! We aren’t stopping until we’re out of hell!” he called behind me.

“ You mean Dallas?” I asked over my shoulder.

“ Exactly!”



I was sitting in the passenger seat in Beck’s old, yellow VW Camper. It had been renovated recently, so the inside was all new leather, but it still had a lot of the classic details.

Our stuff fit easily in the back and he wasn’t kidding about there being space to sleep. We’d have to be really close, but there was definitely room. My face reddened at the thought.


I wedged the urn between my feet so that it wouldn’t tip over, and then buckled my seat belt. When I looked up, Beck was watching me with a bemused smile. My hand instinctively slid over my side braid and my face. I didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary.