With This Heart(11)

I thought I could see black plumes of smoke shooting out of her ears in that moment. “Abby. If you do not go on that road trip in a few days, I’ll forbid the hospital from letting you in. I’ll tell them that you mentioned bringing a bomb in and I’ll make them put you on their watch list.”

“ Wow,” I mouthed, trying to hold back my laughter. Caroline was so ridiculous, but I half believed her.

“ Yeah, I’m that serious.”

“ Okay, psychopath. Jeez, I can’t imagine what you would be like if you weren’t strapped down by ten machines right now.”

“ A real force of nature,” she replied proudly.

“ Exactly.”

“ So you’ll go?” she asked, hope dancing in her hollowed eyes.

“ Yes,” I answered, even though the guilt was hard to push through.

“ With him?”

“ We’ll see…”





[page]CHAPTER FIVE





On Thursday morning I headed to the drug store to fill my prescriptions and pick up a few travel-sized essentials. My original plan was to leave for the road trip the next day, but I hadn’t talked to Beck since earlier in the week. Was twenty-four hours enough notice? Was I really going to be insane enough to bring him along with me? I knew that any normal person wouldn’t even consider it, but I just need you to be on my side. When that career counselor asked me to tell her about myself, I drew a giant BLANK. There was nothing— I had no reckless nights of sneaking out or drinking, going to parties, or any other normal teenage mischief. I needed something, at least one or two shenanigans, to cling onto when I was ninety. I could look back and shake my head at how careless I had been.

Just. This. Once.

So I did it. I was in that drug store, deciding between getting one or two mini-toothpastes, when I called Beck.

He picked up on the third ring. “Abby Mae.”

I don’t know if he was surprised to hear from me or if he always greeted people with a hint of cheerfulness.

“ Good morning, Beck. It has come to my attention that I have an additional seat available for my road trip, which leaves tomorrow at eleven am sharp.” I cut right to the chase.

“ Which one?”

“ Which one, what?” I asked, picking up three tubes of toothpaste, optimistic that Beck would want to come with me. Therefore, we would need a bit more than two tubes, but not quite four.

“ Which road trip are you talking about? I’ve been invited on a few that leave tomorrow, so it’s been hard to keep them all straight.”

I covered my smile with my hand as if he could have seen it from his end of the line.

“ Your attempt at humor is suddenly making me rethink the available seat.”

I toyed with one of the toothpaste tubes.

He laughed and then asked, “Shouldn’t we meet up and plan out the trip before tomorrow?”

My heart, the heart, leaped into action at the thought. He had a good point; I really had no plan at all, just one end goal.

“ I have to go to R.E.I. this afternoon to grab a sleeping bag, want to meet there?”

“ The one on Market Street?” he asked.

“ Yeah, around four?” I held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t laugh in my face.

“ I’ll see you then.”

I dropped the phone back in my bag and then continued strolling down the aisles. I’d be lying if I said that having sex with Beck hadn’t crossed my mind since meeting him. Sorry if that shocks you. Teenage hormones are real and scary. I’d had some crazy dreams the past few nights that involved Beck and sundae toppings.

But when I turned down that aisle and was forced to look directly at the condoms and the indiscrete bottles of lube, I suddenly felt supremely out of my league. I had no clue what the road trip would be like, but something told me I should be prepared in every area. Even if I didn’t have sex with Beck, maybe we’d pick up a hitchhiker that just happened to be Orlando Bloom and he’d want to take my virginity. I pulled a box of regular sized condoms off the shelf and a box of magnum sized as well. I’d never actually seen a penis in real life, so I had no basis of knowledge for what the average size was.

I couldn’t look the pharmacist in the eye when I picked up my prescriptions and paid for my Cosmo, toothpaste, and condoms. The Cosmo was mostly for research .

“ Do you need me to explain any of these medications to you?” she asked, shuffling the pill bottles into the crinkly sack. I could feel the people behind me in line leering over my shoulder toward the counter. Did they need to print the word ‘Magnum’ in bold, bright red letters?

I shook my head, let out a strange grunt, and shoved all of the items into my over-sized bag before practically sprinting out of the store.

…



It was already four-fifteen by the time I found parking on Market Street. I tugged on the hem of my light yellow summer dress and practically jogged toward the entrance of R.E.I., hoping that Beck hadn’t been waiting on me for too long.

When I pushed through the heavy double doors, I was greeted by that outdoorsy smell, which was strange considering I was stepping out of nature.

If you’ve never been inside one of these stores, I should tell you that they usually have these awesome campsite displays set up with a tent, chairs, and fake fire at the front end.