Where Lightning Strikes (Bleeding Stars #3)(112)

WHAT DOES IT TAKE to define a person?

How many moments?

How many choices?

How many mistakes?

Maybe it’s the first time you step out on your own when you realize you’re getting there. No longer in need of that comforting guidance of your parents.

Maybe it’s the day you’re struck with what you want to be. When that spec of ambition blossoms within you and you know you’ll do whatever it takes to achieve what you want most.

Maybe it’s the first time you fall in love.

Maybe it’s the last.

Maybe it’s the sum of them.

What I did know was walking out on Kenzie and Brendon had become my definition.

Didn’t know if my doing so was the result of years of bad choices or one fatal mistake.

Because losing them? It’d felt like a death penalty.

My soul cursed to a living hell.

I’d left that hospital bitter and hard. Sentenced to a life of regret and self-hatred. It didn’t take all that long for it to shape me. Reshape me. Shallow and selfish and lashing out. Only good things I had were my family, the guys, and my loyalty to the band.

My songs my single true joy.

Along the way, I’d allowed myself two vices. An endless string of women and bottomless bottles of booze. Of course, both those things only served to leave me a little more hollowed out than before.

That hollow space? That’s where I shored up all that hate and hostility. Where I festered with memories of what I had done.

Figured that definition would be forever unchanged.

That was until Tamar had come on like a hurricane. A rising storm gathering in the distance. Stronger than anticipated. Fierce and savage in the most beautiful way.

Blowing over me with the force of a gale wind.

Reshaping and rewriting and redefining.

Eclipsing all that dark with so many hues—reds and blues—and that brilliant, blinding white.

Until I no longer recognized who I was. Because somewhere along the way, without my permission, I had become hers.

A gentle breeze rustled through the trees, just shy of being cool. Brimming with an innuendo of the approaching winter and dimming the heat of the warm California sky.

I’d lost them then.

Just at the cusp of winter.

That’s when all things had gone cold.

Five years later, it was when I lost Blue, too.

I scrubbed a weary hand down my face.

Fuck.

I no longer knew how to live through the loss.

So here I waited like some kind of twisted stalker.

Waiting.

Watching.

Wondering if this was the right or wrong thing to do.

But I’d done so many damned wrongs in my life, I needed to make something right.

And I’d be willing to lay down bets this moment would be defining, too.

Chills spread like a crippling freeze when I saw the silver Toyota Highlander approaching then slow.

Innocuous.

Yet something about it felt absolute.

It pulled into the drive directly across from where I sat in the small neighborhood park. Red brake lights flashed as the SUV eased into the garage before the engine shut off.

My pulse spiked and sped.

God. What was I doing? But I couldn’t stop what I’d already set into motion. What my heart had already proclaimed. So I stood, drawn across the road when the driver’s side door opened and Kenzie climbed out.

Knew it’d only be her.

Just like it’d been the last three days when I’d sat in this same spot studying her routine. Because as damned much as I needed to see my son, knew I had to get her approval first. Knew I couldn’t come forcing my way back into his life if there was no chance I fit in it. And sure as hell not if it hurt Kenzie any more than I already had.

Completely unaware, she leaned back in through the car door and gathered her things, slung a laptop case over her shoulder, did the same with her purse, the girl all dressed up in work clothes and heels.

A lump knotted at the base of my throat. Heavy. Just as heavy as the boulder that sat in my stomach.

She stepped back and slammed the door. Took a single step toward the interior garage door leading into the house.

“Kenzie.” It was ragged.

Broken.

Bristling with blame.

With her back to me, she froze, her shoulders stuttering up and down. Like she was trying to find the breath I’d knocked from her. Trying to find the ground I’d yanked from beneath her feet.

Kinda sucked when just your presence held the power to cause that effect.

Slowly she turned, the straps of her bags sliding down her arm. They dropped with a thud to the floor.

Face ashen.

Eyes wide.

Soul shocked.

“Kenzie,” I chanced again, taking a step forward, hoping it was soft enough she’d get I wasn’t there to cause her more pain.

Even though I wasn’t fool enough to think this encounter wasn’t going to hurt.

She took one step back, blinked like she were trying to focus, before she started shaking her head. “No.”

“Kenzie…please…not here to cause you trouble.”

A sob tore from her and she fisted her hand at her mouth. Like she was trying to hold it in. Her eyes pinched so deeply at the corners I got the feeling she was doing her best to shut me out but didn’t trust me enough to look away.