Where Lightning Strikes (Bleeding Stars #3)(115)

And I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what it would have been like if I’d been there, if I’d gotten to witness it all, if I’d somehow been a partner to it.

The hardships and joys and accomplishments.

The little things.

Everything I’d given away for one night of revelry.

I watched as Brendon got lost in his own play, pushing his car through the blades of grass, then plopped it in his pocket as he stood and raced for the slide.

Silence swirled around me and Kenzie as she gave me time. But honestly, no amount of time was ever gonna be enough.

“Thank you,” I finally said. Because I’d had no clue how her reception was going to be. Not when she didn’t owe me anything at all. Especially when I’d given her no warning at all of my intrusion into her life. Wrapping my arms around my knees, I rocked, working my way through the discomfort, gauging what to say.

“So…he does know…about me?”

A slow breath leaked from between her pursed lips. “I was being honest when I said I knew one day you’d come. And yes, it was definitely a shock turning around and finding you there, but once the shock wore off, I can’t say I was really surprised.”

She tipped her head toward her husband who still stood guard across the street. I wondered just how damned difficult this had to be for him, because it sure as shit was hell for me.

“We’ve been preparing him for this day, Lyrik. For the day when you’d come back into our lives. And even if you never did, we still knew one day he’d figure out Brad isn’t his biological father. We weren’t going to lie to him about that.”

I rubbed the tension from the back of my neck, trying to brace myself for the impression Brendon might have already made about me. “What does he know, Kenz?”

She looked down at me through bleary eyes. “Lyrik…he knows that he has your eyes and your hair and that you made him that bear.” She choked over the admission. “He knows you put him in my tummy. He just hasn’t figured out what that means yet.”

Everything throbbed and ached.

And I wasn’t sure I could breathe.

Not through the remorse and sorrow and gratitude.

A wistful smile tugged at her mouth as she looked at Brendon. “Even after I fell out of love with you, that didn’t mean I didn’t still love you, Lyrik. That I didn’t have faith in you. That after all the horrible mistakes you made, that one day you wouldn’t make the right one. So I told him stories about you…the good ones…about the guy I knew before I didn’t know you at all.”

That smile tipped down, and more tears fell down her face. “But I guess I did know you, after all, didn’t I?”

Unsure, I turned my full attention on her.

“I know you didn’t cash that check. My dad finally admitted it to me…the night before I married Brad. He wanted to be sure I was sure. That I was marrying for my heart rather than marrying because I thought some guy would be good for me and my son.”

Her voice lowered to a whisper. “He wanted to give me the chance to go back to you.”

“And you chose him,” I supplied through a nod with a subtle gesture in Brad’s direction.

For two weeks I’d wondered how I’d feel when I got here. About Kenzie. About this girl I’d thought would forever hold my heart.

Guess that was my answer.

The fact her choosing the other guy when she knew I’d been lying when I left her and Brendon didn’t hurt. Instead it filled me with this strange sense of comfort.

A simple joy found in the fact she was happy.

That’s all I wanted for her.

I guess just like her, even though there would always be a part of me that loved her…cared for her…I wasn’t in love with her anymore.

Guess that’s what my stupid heart had been telling me for the last two months. Why those words had come spilling free.

Blue.

You sing my soul.

A warm ache filled my chest.

No longer was there a question of who owned me anymore.

That girl.

My brave, beautiful Blue.

Self-conscious laughter trickled from her, and she blushed. “I think what we had was real, Lyrik. But I think it was just preparing me for what I was going to feel when I met the man I was supposed to live my life with.”

Tenderly, she looked at the man across the street.

I chuckled. “Why does that sound like something my mother would say?”

She laughed. “Because your mom is amazing.”

And God, it was weird. Sitting comfortably with Kenzie this way.

She sobered, eyes roaming my face. “Are you happy, Lyrik?”

Exhaling, I pushed back the hair blowing in my face. “No, Kenz. I’m not happy. I haven’t let myself be since the night I walked out on you and Brendon.”

The words locked somewhere deep, before they came rushing out in a quiet confession. “But I’m…almost there.”

Yeah.

That was weird, too.

Realizing that.

“I watched you,” she admitted, “watched you as Sunder made it. I saw the tabloids…the success and the parties and the women. You should have been happier than anyone. But I knew, Lyrik. I knew. I saw it on your face.”

She met her husband’s gaze. “I want you to know it’s okay. It’s okay to let it go. The guilt I saw in every picture.” She looked at me. Expression wistful. “I let you go a long time ago.”