Where Lightning Strikes (Bleeding Stars #3)(109)

I couldn’t even respond, because what was I going to say?

Knew I was to blame.

Guilt swallowed me like a ship going down in the middle of an icy ocean.

A shiver slicked down my spine.

He flipped open the folder sitting on the table.

I tried to breathe.

To sit still and accept my punishment when I somehow realized the executioner had come to collect.

I blinked long, focus blurry yet somehow excruciatingly clear.

On the top was a sheet where my charges were listed, and he pushed it across the table toward me.

Possession of cocaine and heroin with intent to distribute. Two counts of reckless endangerment.

I gave him a slight nod of understanding.

He pulled out a short stack of papers clipped together at the top, hand shaking when he slid it my way.

It was a plea bargain.

What the f*ck?

My attention jerked up to meet the weariness lining his face.

“What, you’re my attorney now?” Didn’t mean it to sound so bitter.

“Just want the best for all parties involved.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He hefted a shoulder. “Read it.”

I lifted my shackled wrists to the table, metal clanging as I pulled the papers closer so I could see the details.

The bitter f*cking details.

I got a free pass.

No doubt, there were all kinds of strings being pulled, and it was Doug who held them like a puppeteer.

I could walk as long as I signed away my parental rights.

As long as I agreed to never see Kenzie again.

Didn’t even know if this shit was legal.

I shook my head. Blinking. Unseeing.

“You want me to walk away from them.” It wasn’t a question.

He kept his voice even. “I just want the best for them.”

On a heavy exhale, he shifted, dug into the inside pocket of his jacket, and pulled out an envelope. “Can’t have this on record, but sign and it’s yours. It’s all the money I have to give. You walk away and I promise I’ll take care of them. I’ll make sure they have the kind of life you could never give them. Or you can sit and rot in jail for the next five to ten years and you won’t have her anyway. Your choice.”

Your choice? There was no f*cking choice. Either way, I’d lost my family.

Ruined it all.

He set the thin envelope next to the agreement.

Overwhelming grief formed in every cell of my being. But I pushed it down, and instead let each inch of me harden to the point of pain. Brittle and broken and harsh. I welcomed it. Could feel the grit of my teeth. “And Baz?”

“Your friend’s going to jail one way or the other. Got him down to a couple of years, and he’ll probably be out in less than a year if he keeps his nose clean on the inside.”

I ran my finger under the open edge of the envelope, lifting it enough so I could peek inside. Not that I gave a shit what the number read.

One hundred thousand dollars.

No doubt, this was their entire life savings.

“Need to talk to Baz…” I swallowed over the razors in my throat. “And I want to tell Kenzie myself.”

He hesitated, and I shook my head. “Won’t do it any other way.”

It seemed in reluctance, but finally he nodded. Quickly, I scanned through the agreement then scribbled my name on the line, not giving two f*cks if I was unknowingly signing away my life. I’d just paid for the one thing I wanted.

One minute with Kenzie.

One minute with my son.

I picked up the envelope and shot Doug a grin.

He dropped his gaze.

Like he couldn’t stand to look at me.

Seemed about right, because I couldn’t stand myself.

“You expect somethin’ different?” I asked, that bitterness baring its teeth.

He looked up and met my stare straight on. “Yeah…guess maybe I did.”

“Last thing I meant was to sell you out, leave you in this hole by yourself when I belong here, too, but this is the one thing I need.”

My voice was desperate, my demeanor the same. “The one thing I’m asking of you. I need to see them once. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

I just needed to see them once.

Baz gripped me, his hug a stranglehold, his voice a harsh whisper in my ear. “Don’t, man. This is my fault. Everything. Dragging my whole crew down and into this bullshit lifestyle. You know it’s on me.” Pulling back, he studied my face. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Of course it wasn’t.

I’d taken the good I was given. Trampled it like it was nothing. Thrown it away in one reckless night.

But I was going to do one thing good.

I was going to let the good go.

“Yeah.”

Baz stepped back and gripped me by both shoulders. “Take whatever time they’ll give you. Then go…step up and take my place while I’m in here. Keep the band together. Make sure all this nonstop partying bullshit ends. Take care of the guys. Watch over my baby brother. Need you, man.”

I jerked through a nod. “Anything. It’s done.”

The door buzzed and I shuffled out into the emerging night.

Freedom.

But I’d never felt more chained.