When August Ends(57)

My mother didn’t seem all that surprised to hear me say that either. “I know he cares about you, too.”

“He cares about me, yes, and because of that, he didn’t want to cross the line. But I’ve made it very difficult for him to resist me. I’ve practically thrown myself at him all summer. So, eventually he gave in. But…now I sort of regret my actions. I was careless, thinking I could handle anything. Maybe I can’t.”

“What is he telling you?”

“He doesn’t want to tie me down right now. He’s afraid I’ll regret it. Which means I’m pretty sure his plan is to go back to Pennsylvania and go on with his life without me.”

My mother looked pensive as she stared out the window toward the boathouse. “I do believe he has your best interests at heart. And I do believe he’s right in some ways. But I also believe that if two people are truly meant to be together, they’ll find a way to make it work. Sometimes you have to be apart first to figure that out.”

***

Throughout the afternoon, I could still feel Noah between my legs. The harsh reality of our last conversation, though, clashed with the post-coital haze. As confused as I was, my body craved him.

I thought a lot about what my mother had said, about people sometimes needing to be apart to figure things out. There was a reason for that old saying about setting someone free if you love them. If they don’t come back, they never belonged to you in the first place.

In my heart, I knew Noah wasn’t going to let me cancel my plans to go to Vermont. It was important to him that I experience living independently. So I had to figure out how I was going to handle these remaining days with him, considering that moving ahead with my plans was inevitable.

He’d texted a few times to check on me. I’d avoided going over there long enough.

I forced myself to shower and get dressed.

The weather was overcast and drizzly as I made my way back to the boathouse.

Noah opened the door right away, looking concerned, like he was already anticipating that my mood would be off.

“Hey,” he said, his tone sullen.

“Hey.”

There was an awkwardness in the air, like we didn’t know whether to argue, kiss each other, start fucking again, or what.

The smell of something cooking invaded my senses as I entered.

Walking over to the stove, I asked, “What are you making?”

“It’s cooler out today. I made this stew. Will you have some with me?”

“Yeah. That sounds great.” I peeked into the pot. “What’s in it?” The steam hit my face.

“Carrots, beef, onions, spices…a lot of things. A mish-mash, kind of like my brain today.”

“I can relate.”

Our eyes locked. His stare fell to my lips. He looked like he wanted to kiss me. I wanted him to, but at the same time, I prayed he didn’t.

He stirred the pot. “My dad used to make this stew, actually. It’s one of the only things he knows how to cook. One day I asked him to teach me how to make it. We call it man stew.”

“That’s funny.” I chuckled. “Well, I’d love to try some of your man stew.”

That most certainly sounded sexual.

Noah set two bowls out and poured some of the concoction into each. He carried them over to where I was sitting at the table.

I blew on it and took a bite. “Mmm…it’s good. Hits the spot.”

Jesus. Everything that came out of my mouth reminded me of sex.

He licked some of the stew off his lips. “Tell me what happened when you got back to the house.”

I paused and put my spoon down. “My mother knows. She knew right away. I didn’t even have to spell it out.”

He froze for a moment. “Great. Okay. Thanks for the heads up.” Expelling a long breath, he said, “I need to stay far away from the house.”

“No. She’s okay. We talked a lot. I don’t want to get into all of what was said, but the bottom line is she accepts whatever decisions I make and doesn’t blame you for anything. She won’t treat you any differently.”

He looked skeptical. “I’ve fucked her daughter. You’d better believe she’ll be looking at me differently.”

“She’s not going to make your life miserable.”

“Well, that’s good to know.” He muttered, “Jesus. I’d want to kill me if I was her. I looked her in the eyes and vowed to never touch you.”

A long moment of silence ensued. Then we both started to talk at the same time.

“You first,” Noah said.

I tried to gather my thoughts. “The entire day I’ve been thinking about our talk this morning. My mind has been alternating between that and fantasizing about last night.”

His eyes seared into mine. “I can’t stop thinking about last night, either.”

This was the part where I really needed to swallow my pride.

“I’m sorry for overreacting to your concerns. I know you have my best interests in mind. I think you’re right…about everything, even if I don’t want to accept it. Even if I tell you my feelings won’t change when I go away, you won’t believe me until that’s proven. As much as I feel like hanging everything up and chasing you back to Pennsylvania, I know you would never let me make such a rash decision. So, I am still going to Vermont, and you’re still leaving. Last night isn’t going to change that, but it still breaks my heart.”