Warrior (First to Fight #1)(22)
I recalled that as the medicine that will help keep him stable and improve blood flow until his first surgery which will take place in two days.
“Now they’re attaching him to a bunch of crap for his vitals. He looks good, sis.”
I smile wearily from my place on the bed. Once they get his vitals stable they are going to have to move him down the hall to the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit to prep for the first of the three surgeries. I didn’t like being separated from him so soon, but I’d been preparing for months for these procedures. I had to be strong for him.
After Cole’s diagnosis, I made monthly trips to the Fetal Cardiac Program for observation with Dr. Foley to keep an eye on his development. We prepared and discussed for his birth more than I thought possible. Dr. Foley turned out to be a Godsend. She answered all (million) of my questions and took all of my frantic calls, no matter how off the wall.
Dr. Foley and the team at the FCP explained that after a series of surgeries, one performed after birth, one around six months and the other around eighteen months, Cole’s heart would essentially function as a one-sided pump instead of two. The first year was going to be rough, but he was in excellent hands and I was determined to give him the kind of family I never had.
I learned early on how important it is to take each day at a time and to stay positive. After Dad’s sudden heart attack, I went through a dark place, one that I didn’t think I would survive, but I did because I knew Cole needed me. He reminded me a lot of myself after I was put in foster care. Only I would never give up on him. He would always have me.
Jack turns from the window and says, “I hate to tell you this, but that baby looks just like Ben.”
I groan. “I do all the work and the kid doesn’t even look like me? How is that fair?”
“At least Ben isn’t totally unfortunate looking, I guess. You could have really been screwed.”
Coming down from the adrenaline of giving birth, I burst into tears and I’m not entirely sure why.
Jack smiles and says, “Dad used to tell me Mom did the same thing after I was born because she was so happy. Then again, he said she only did it because she was terrified I would turn out just like him.”
I hiccup through my tears. “She did not!”
Jack simply shakes his head and plops into a chair next to me. “She did,” he said as he taps the window and waves at the probably sleeping baby. My heart clutches at the sight. “She knew it was a lost cause. No matter how hard she tried, I still turned out just like him.” We both fall into a contemplative silence and I shed a couple tears for a completely different reason. I so wanted him to be here to meet my son and it’s killing me that he isn’t. I’m trying to be positive though, for my son and for Jack, who has been having an especially hard time with Dad’s death over the last few months. Jack hears my sniffling and turns back to me. “You did good, girl.”
I give him a watery smile. “He’s beautiful, isn’t he?”
“Olivia.” Jack’s face was pinched. “Boys aren’t beautiful. He’s ruggedly handsome. Or he’s a strapping lad.”
“Lad?” I ask with a quirked brow.
Jake merely smiles at me. “He’s perfect.”
I tug Jack’s arm down to the bed so that he’s sitting next to me. I can’t help but feel like the Walkers were chosen for me. That Jack was the brother I was meant to have. “Thanks for being with me today, Jackie.”
“Nowhere I’d rather be, sis. Though, you could have gone easy on my hand. I never should have let you train with us. I think you broke it.” He flexes the hand in question.
“I highly doubt that.”
We share a laugh and as it trails off, I watch Jack’s face turn serious.
“You still haven’t heard from him?” he asks in a low voice.
I suck in a deep breath and paste on a happy face. “No, but Logan said the mail where he’s at is spotty at best. I sent him a few emails with updates and one of the ultrasounds, but I don’t think he got them. I would have heard back by now.”
“I know you don’t like to talk about it, but I’m your big brother. I just didn’t want you to be alone today. Or for the surgery. It’s going to be a rough year and I just want to make sure you’re both taken care of.”
“I’m not alone. You were with me. You’ll be here for everything. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.”
“I know they’re sending him to a pretty hellacious place and he’ll get in touch with you when he can. Just let me know when he does.”
“Of course, Jack. If I ever do. If I don’t, that’s fine, too.”
For a while after Ben went out on his deployment, I’d waited with bated breath. Each time the phone rang or the mail ran, I expected for it to be him. It never was. Losing my mom, and then Ben, and then my dad… it has just been too much. I can’t stand the thought of losing anyone else in my life. So I’ve come to the conclusion that if he shows and wants to be involved, great. If not, then we’ll be fine without him.
Jack studies me for a few minutes, but the bone-deep exhaustion has left me too weary for any kind of discussion. Jack and I take turns watching Cole so I can grab a couple hours of much-needed sleep. He only wakes me when there are updates and whenever he’s snuck more food into the room. It occurs to me that Cole and I are very lucky, the luckiest, to have him in our lives. And we don’t need anyone else, I decide.