Warrior (First to Fight #1)(21)

Sofie makes sure to take note of all the important information and literature. She tells them that I’ll be coming back if I have any questions. But for the most part I think she just wants to get me out of there before I lose it.

But I don’t. I think I’ve cried all the tears I have in me. On the drive home from the hospital, I can do nothing but sit and stare blankly out the window with my hand on my stomach where I can feel him moving.

“Can you drop me at the gym?” I ask Sofie when we make it back to Nassau. “I promised him I would come by afterwards to let him know the news.”

“Absolutely, anything you need.”

I know the situation must be dire if Sofie is willing to go within speaking distance of Jack.

She stops at the entrance, puts the car in park and turns to me. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

“Are you going to try to get ahold of Ben again?”

I stare at her in surprise. In the shock of the doctor’s news, I hadn’t even thought about it. After the last non-answered email, I hadn’t tried to reach out again. At least by the time Cole was due, he’d be home. Maybe then I’d be able to get ahold of him.

“I sent him a million emails. I haven’t heard back, so I think I’ll just wait to hear from him and talk to him then. Right now I just want to make sure to keep us both as healthy as possible.”

She gives me a hug and I heave my exhausted body out of the car. It’s nearing the busiest time of the day for the gym, but it’s practically empty. I look around and find Jack in the office cursing at paperwork.

“How’d the promo thing go?” I ask.

Jack rubs a hand through his messy hair. The fact that it’s sticking up in all directions pretty much answers my question, but he says, “Miserably. Barely anyone showed up. But you don’t worry about that. Tell me the news.”

My lip trembles and my look must tell him all he needs to know. He rises from the desk to envelop me in a hug. “I’m sorry, Livvie.”

“Has Dad gotten back from his trip yet?”

“No, but he said he’d come straight here after.”

I plop wearily onto his couch. “Do you mind if I crash here until he gets here? I’m kind of wiped after today.”

“Of course.”

A few hours later I hear Jack get up from the desk chair with a loud squeak. I come awake with a groan. For a moment, I don’t even recognize where I am. Then I hear the dull thuds and grunts from the gym and catch the scent of sweat and leather. I relax into the couch, lulled by the familiar setting.

My dad is due back any minute according to the time on my phone. As much as I would like to bury the news I have to deliver, I know Dad will be the guiding light I need to get through the next few months.

I wipe the sleep from my eyes and get to my feet. I’m inhaling a bottled water I found in the mini-fridge to combat the sour taste in my mouth when the office door opens behind me.

Jack has soaked through his shirt since I saw him earlier. His normally tanned skin has an abnormal gray pallor. All my life, I’ve known when bad things are going to happen. The sensation is akin to falling. At first, there is confusion as the world shifts under my feet. Then denial, because how could this be happening to me, anyway? Then resolute grief because no matter how much I try, there’s not a damn thing I can do to change my circumstances.

Even knowing this and having been through it several times in my short life, I still go through each stage.

Confusion.

“Jack?”

I watch his Adam’s apple bob as he hesitates in the doorway. He takes a stuttering step forward then stops to run a hand through his hair. “Sit down, Liv.”

My hand automatically presses against my stomach. “Jack?” I repeat a few octaves higher. “What’s going on?”

Denial.

I follow his glance to the gym, and I see the faint figures of men in uniform talking to a huge guy in sweats that I recognize as Logan. They must be cops he works with. My stomach drops, and I shift my attention back to Jack.

He takes a few cautious steps toward me, but I hold my hand up and shake my head. “Just tell me.”

Images start to flit through my mind. Ben. The pregnancy test. My father’s face the first time I met him, a few weeks after I’d turned thirteen.

I register Jack closing the door to the office. “It’s Dad,” he says.

And for the second time in my life, I find myself feeling utterly alone in the world.




Four Months Later

Benjamin Cole Walker is born after ten harrowing hours of labor with the help of a specialized team of OB/GYNs and Dr. Foley, who waits on standby to give Cole his first evaluation. They place him on my chest for the briefest of moments and we lock eyes; mesmerizing crystal-blues identical to his dad’s. Everything inside me seizes, and for a few perfect seconds, I don’t worry about the uncertainty with Ben or the upcoming surgeries Cole will have to endure or the difficulties he’ll face in his life. Instead, I experience the most profound and all-encompassing wave of love and awe, that I’m still stunned when the nurses come to take him for stabilization. Thankfully the hospital has one right next door so that when I’m able, I can watch him through the window.

Jack narrates what the nurses are doing as he watches through the glass. “They’re hooking him up to an IV now. Prostaglandin, I think.”