Virtuous(27)

Hayden crosses the room and takes the seat next to mine. “I don’t mean to piss on your parade.”

“Sure you do,” I say with a gruff laugh. He and I go all the way back to childhood in Hollywood with four parents in the business. Whereas mine stayed together and thrived through all the madness of fame and fortune, his self-destructed in spectacular—and very public—fashion. Hayden and I graduated together from Beverly Hills High School and often tell people we were the real-life inspiration for the show Beverly Hills, 90210. That we were eleven when the show debuted is of little consequence. We’ve never believed in letting the truth get in the way of a good story.

“Seriously, Flynn. For once I’m not trying to be a flaming *. I saw the way you reacted to her, and I had a bad feeling about it from the get-go.”

“Funny, I’ve had a good feeling about it from the second she barreled into me.”

He raises an eyebrow that conveys a full dose of skepticism. “Even when her dog was taking a piece out of your ass?”

“It was my arm, not my ass, and yes, even then.”

“Make me understand, because I’m really struggling to get how someone as self-aware and intelligent as you are would willingly go down this road—again—after being so badly burned once before.”

His words strike a chord with me, even as I try to convince myself they don’t. “She’s normal, unaffected, passionate about her work, and she doesn’t give a flying f*ck about who I am. Do you have any idea how refreshing that is?”

“Of course she gives a flying f*ck about who you are. There’s not a woman alive who could spend five minutes with you and not be completely tuned in to who and what you are—or the parts of yourself you’ve given the world. The rest, the part you keep private, is what worries me the most—and it should worry you, too.”

“She’s no threat to me, Hayden. Shit, Cresley is a bigger threat to me than Natalie will ever be.”

“Cresley, and all the others we let in here, poses a threat to your reputation. Natalie is a threat to your mental health. Big difference.”

Did I mention Hayden knows me better than anyone?

In a low, soft tone, he says, “She’s a mouse, Flynn. A young, inexperienced, albeit strikingly gorgeous, mouse. She has no place in this life. It’ll swallow her whole and spit her out utterly changed. Is that what you want for her? You gotta stop this while you still can.”

Fuck, I hate his guts, because every word he says is true, and I can’t deny he’s one hundred percent right. I don’t dare mention that I asked her to go to the Globes with me, but then again, she never gave me an answer, so there’s really nothing to tell. And then I remember the key I gave her to my apartment.

“Don’t you ever want more?” I ask him.

“More than what?” He throws his arms out wide. “Who has it better than we do? Look at this place we built together, and not just down here. Upstairs, too.” Our production company is one of the most successful in the business, and we have the awards to prove it. We long ago dispelled the notion that we’re riding on the coattails of our successful parents. We’ve proven ourselves over and over again, until all talk of nepotism and favoritism has been erased by results.

We live by our own rules and have life by the balls. What more could we possibly want indeed? Except, sometimes… Sometimes I want more. I want the connection my parents have, that ability to catch an eye across the room and to know without a shadow of a doubt what the other half of me is thinking in that given moment. As I get further into my thirties, I’ve also begun to think, occasionally, about one day having kids of my own.

“Flynn.”

Hayden brings me back to the present, to the stark realities of this life I’ve chosen. After growing up in the shadow of my famous parents, I certainly knew what I was signing on for, although I never could’ve predicted that my fame would eclipse theirs a thousand times over. At times like this, I resent the fame, the notoriety and everything that goes with it. I also resent the needs that drive me, that have made it impossible for me to have a long-term, satisfying sexual relationship that doesn’t include domination. Those needs played a big part in the disaster my marriage became, so Hayden’s point is well taken.

“You know what you have to do.”

“Yeah.” The detour with Natalie was just that. A detour. A diversion. A night away from reality. My life is here, in the basement of Quantum, with hooks hanging from the ceiling, a willing sub bent over a spanking bench as I f*ck her up the ass that I turned bright pink with my hands and paddles. Not in my wildest dreams can I ever picture Natalie as that willing sub.