Victorious(17)

“I do believe you, because you already told me, a long time ago, how that incident made you feel.”

“It sucked. It was the lowest point in my life, or it was until you left me yesterday.”

“I had to do that, Flynn. I couldn’t think this through and be with you, too.”

“I know, but let me ask you something…”

“Anything.”

“If I hadn’t been here when you arrived, were you going to call me?”

Nodding, I say, “I would’ve called you today. I was as messed up without you as you were without me.”

He puts his arms around me, and we hold each other for a long time. “Can we promise each other to never again walk away when the going gets tough? That we’ll stay together and work it out no matter what it is?”

“I’ll make that promise.”

“So will I.”

Pulling back, he kisses me, framing my face with his big hands and caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. He makes me feel so cared for and loved.

Looking sleepy-faced, Fluff comes strolling out of the bedroom and right over to my stool, jumping up on her hind legs to try to reach me.

“I bet someone needs to go out to pee,” Flynn says, getting up from his stool. “I’ll get someone to take her out, since neither of us can do it without being surrounded.”

“How long do you think that’ll last?”

“I don’t know. The school sort of blindsided us with the announcement they made about offering your job back. We think they were trying to save some face with the public. Liza is dealing with it. We need to talk about that, too. And I want to hear everything about your visit with Candace. I started to ask you earlier, but we got sidetracked.”

“Sidetracked,” I say with a laugh. “Is that what we’re calling it?”

He leans in to kiss me again. “It’s more like we got back on track.” Nodding to the contract, he says, “Keep reading. Take notes. We’ll be back.” After a trip to the bedroom to put on jeans and a long-sleeve T-shirt, Flynn whistles for Fluff, who goes running to him when she hears him pick up her leash.

I have to laugh at how she’s taken to him when at first it didn’t seem like she’d ever let him near me without having to listen to her snarl and growl. After the elevator comes to collect them, I refill my wineglass and return to my assigned reading.

The next section is on the roles and responsibilities of the submissive, which includes words that raise my hackles, including “obey,” “serve” and “property” of her master. Yikes. I also stop short at the phrase that requires the submissive to ask permission before she touches her Dominant.

“That’ll have to go,” I say out loud. It is then that I realize I have power in this arrangement, too. I have the power to say no at any time. I have the power to negotiate the terms that suit me. This is what Flynn meant by the term “exchange of power.”

Finally, the contract spells out the Dominant’s requirements for his submissive in the areas of health, hygiene, birth control and masturbation, which is not allowed without permission from the Dom. That’s not a problem for me, because I’ve never indulged in self-pleasure. Until I met Flynn, I avoided sex in all its many forms. Now I find myself craving the connection with him as well as the searing pleasure I always experience in his arms. I’ve gone from never having had an orgasm in my life before a month ago, to having more than I can count with him. As my sexual awakening is still quite new, I can’t yet imagine wanting that without him there with me.

An addendum includes an exhaustive list of limits. The instructions at the top tell me to label each as a hard or soft limit and include precise definitions of the two terms that match what Flynn told me earlier. Someone, I assume it’s Flynn, has drawn a line through many of the choices, and after reading them, I can see why. Some of these things are downright disgusting to me, and apparently to Flynn, too.

Of the ones he’s left open for discussion, I stop at blindfolding and gagging. I don’t know if I could handle being blindfolded after having been assaulted. The thought of that makes me queasy and anxious, so I mark it as a hard limit. Next to gagging, I mark a question—how will I use a safe word if I am gagged?

Spanking is a soft limit, as is anal play. I never would’ve believed I’d like that, but Flynn has already shown me otherwise. The thought of actual anal sex is a little less certain because I’m not at all convinced it would even be possible, but again, he has assured me otherwise. I mark that a soft limit as well. I’m willing to try it.

I discover there’s a bevy of varieties when it comes to bondage. I mark light bondage and scarf play as soft limits and the rest as hard limits.

I set medical play and examinations as a hard limit as I can’t imagine any scenario in which I would find that arousing after suffering through the trauma of a rape exam. Voluntary and forced masturbation are both soft limits, as are nipple clamps. After hearing Flynn’s fantasy earlier, I admit to being intrigued by what that would feel like. Painful pleasure is a new term to me.

How do I feel about orgasm control? Meaning I would give up control of my orgasm to Flynn. He would say when, and I’d be at his mercy. I think about that for a minute before marking it as a soft limit.

Oh God, the next one on the list is rape fantasy.