Vanish (Firelight #2)(8)

This gives me a start. I didn’t think the separation would be permanent. I can’t remember a time when Tam and I ever slept more than one room apart from each other. As much as this disturbs me, I guess it makes sense. Nidia will take care of Tamra. Give her the support and guidance she needs right now. Everything that Mom and I can’t give her.

I tell myself that’s all that’s happening. The pride isn’t trying to separate us.

“Tamra, a shader.” Az shakes her head, marveling. “Wait until I tell everyone. This is awesome.” My friend squeezes my arm with happy enthusiasm. “Hey, I gotta go.”

She hops from my bed, evidently eager to start spreading the news that our pride’s future is assured. That we have a new shader who can take Nidia’s place someday.

As long as Tamra doesn’t mind being bound to the pride for the rest of her life. And why should she? Once she has time to deal with the change, she’s going to realize she’s no longer invisible among the pride—and that she has a shot with Cassian.

Leaping through the door, Az calls over her shoulder, “Be back later.”

And I’m alone with Cassian, after all. Thanks, Az.





Chapter 4

We haven’t been alone since Chaparral. On the journey here, the four of us trapped in the tight confines of the car, we hardly ever spoke, stopping only for gas, the restroom, and the chance to grab some food. But now it’s just the two of us.

I can only stare at him, dreading the torrent of admonitions I’m convinced he’ll heap upon me. For the obvious reasons: Exposing myself to our greatest enemy. Loving one of those enemies. And even worse, for still loving Will after seeing his blood. How can I explain to Cassian that Will’s not the bad guy? He’s just a victim of birth. The blood transfusions forced on him when he was sick. But then does it really matter that I explain anything? I’m not going to see him again.

In the silence I can hear the muffled voices of our parents. The tone is heated.

“What did you tell your father?” I slide off my bed, suddenly aware that I’m on my bed . . . that he’s so close, looming right above me. He doesn’t move, and I have to brush past him to get to the overstuffed sofa chair near the window.

“You mean did I tell them that you revealed yourself to humans?” His gaze cuts into me. “To hunters?”

I fight back my cringe. It sounds even more awful when he says it. I wish I could deny it.

“Yeah. That.” Settling into the chair near my window, I try to act casual, unbothered at this reminder, unbothered about everything. Especially him. Here in my bedroom, staring at me in that consuming, searing way that makes my lungs pull and contract. “Did you tell your father about that?”

That I did the one thing that could ruin us all. Not just the pride but our entire species.

His gaze sweeps me, missing nothing. Not the tangled mess of my hair trailing over my shoulders. Not my bare feet, peeking out beneath my folded legs. If he told them what happened, if he told them everything, how could they not punish me? Even a part of me believes I deserve it. I betrayed my kind.

Not that I would change anything I did even if I could. I know this much. It’s a strange realization. Feeling guilty does not mean I regret anything. Stronger than any guilt I feel is the pain in my heart at losing Will. I can’t imagine what that pain would be like if I hadn’t saved him. If he’d actually died out there in the desert.

Finally, Cassian answers me. “I couldn’t keep it from them, Jacinda. Not that. It affects all of us.”

I sink down a little in the cushions. Almost like I’m disappointed in him. I don’t know why. Despite our past friendship, I expect no loyalty from him. The pride is first and foremost with Cassian. Still, Tamra shaded the hunters. They won’t remember. Couldn’t he have kept it a secret? Would it have been such a bad thing to do?

Bleakness washes over me, slides through me like ice water. I had almost believed that he cared about me, that he would protect me. Like he promised. Instead, he threw me to the wolves.

“I had to tell them you revealed yourself to hunters, but I didn’t tell them everything. I didn’t tell them about him.”

I stare coolly; say the word he cannot bring himself to utter. “You mean Will?”

Something passes over his face. For a second his pupils shudder, shrink, flash to the barest slits. Then nothing. He’s the ever-stoic Cassian again. “Yeah. I didn’t tell them about the blood.”

That injects me with a shot of helpless shame. Will’s blood. The blood that’s the same color as mine. I nod.

“They would hunt him down if they knew. I guess I owe you for that.”

“You’re not in love with him,” he says so suddenly and with such force that I jerk. “You don’t even know him. He doesn’t know you. Not like I do.” His chest rises and falls with serrated breaths.

I say nothing in the awkward silence that follows. Tension swirls around us, as dense as Nidia’s mists pressing at my window. I stare down at my hands, noticing the tiny half moons my nails dug without my even knowing.

He releases a heavy sigh. “Look at me, Jacinda. Say something.”

I force my gaze back on him. Does he expect me to agree that I don’t love Will? Determined not to discuss my feelings for Will, I say, “Tamra shaded them. Why did you have to tell them anything? They look at me like I’m a criminal.” I wave an arm. “I’m practically under house arrest! They’re never going to forgive me.”