Vanish (Firelight #2)(6)

“What about him?” Even if Will is the last thing I want to talk about right now, I owe her answers. Even if it means prodding a fresh wound.

“Are you going to be able to forget him?” The ring of hope in her voice is unmistakable.

My thoughts drift back to Big Rock. To the sight of Will sliding down the rocky slope, straight into the grasping, waiting night. There had been no choice. I had to manifest. Had to save him. Even if hunters witnessed me doing it.

I had no choice then. And I have no choice now. “I have to forget,” I reply.

Mom’s amber gaze glows with knowing. “But can you?”

This time I don’t answer. Because words mean nothing. I’ll have to show her, prove to her that she can trust me again. Prove to everyone.

Turning, I head toward my room, passing framed photos of the family we once were. Complete with a handsome father and smiling mother and two happy sisters who never knew how different they would be. How could we have known the reality that awaited us?

Kicking off my shoes, I change into an old T-shirt and shorts from my dresser drawer. My eyes barely glimpse the glowing stars dotting the ceiling before my lids drift shut.

It seems only minutes later that someone is shaking me, ripping me from the comforting embrace of sleep.

“Jacinda! Wake up!”

I shove a pillow off my head and peek blearily up at Az. Thrilled as I am to see her, I would rather pull the pillow back over my head and sink back into sleep, where guilt and heartache can’t touch me.

“Az.” I rub a sleep-crusted corner of my eye. “How’d you get in here?”

“My uncle Kel is on duty on your front porch. He let me in.”

That’s right. Az’s uncle was one of the elders staring at me like I was some sort of criminal. And I guess I am. In effect. I am under house arrest, after all.

“Good to see you,” I mumble tiredly.

“Good to see you?” She whacks me with a pillow. “Is that all you can say after bailing and leaving me here alone while you run off to who knows where?”

“Mom was kind of insistent.” Now wasn’t the time to explain why we left—what the pride had intended for me. Maybe still did.

Then I remember Az was with me that morning I nearly got captured by Will and his family. We both broke sacred rules sneaking off grounds to fly in the daylight. I sit up, stare at her with concern, looking her over. “You didn’t get in trouble, did you? For sneaking off grounds with me?”

Az rolls her eyes. “They hardly spared me a thought after waking up to find you gone. Other than grilling me, that is.”

I exhale and drop back on the bed, relieved. At least I don’t have that on my conscience, too.

Az shoves a long hank of blue-streaked black hair over her shoulder and leans above me, her eyes bright with emotion. “You have no idea what it’s been like since you left. Because you left!”

I roll over and hug a pillow. “I’m sorry, Az.” Apparently, my conscience wasn’t to be totally spared. Admittedly, I’d thought little of Az while I was away. I’d had enough to worry about trying to get through every day in Chaparral.

A tired sigh wells up inside me. Apologizing seems to be all I do lately.

Az sniffs. “Well, at least you’re home. Maybe things can go back to normal now.”

I think of Will and how I betrayed my own kind for him, of my sister and how lost she must feel, of the elders standing guard on my porch. I doubt if anything will ever be normal again. And yet, for all of that, I am relieved to be where my draki can thrive.

“It’s been really suckish around here. Severin imposed a curfew. And he’s tightened the leash on our rec time! Can you believe it? We’re permitted to play airball once a week. Once! It’s just school and work, school and work. He’s a dictator!”

All this because of me? Because Mom took us and ran? Were they worried that others would do the same?

“At least we still get to fly,” she mutters. “Don’t know what I’d do without that. Scheduled group flight of course, though. That hasn’t changed. But he’s limited our air time.”

“Have you seen Cassian?” I ask.

Az arches an elegant eyebrow. “Since when are you keeping tabs on him?”

“Since he’s the one who found us and brought us back.”

“Cassian tracked you down? That’s where he’s been all this time? The word going around was that he took his tour.” She chuckles lightly. “Man, oh, man, he’s still got it bad for you.”

“Not me,” I quickly correct. “He hasn’t got it bad for me. If he ever even wanted me—”

“If?”

I glare at her and continue, “If he even wants me it’s only because I’m the pride’s fire-breather.” A commodity, the pride’s great weapon.

But then, not anymore. That’s changed. Now there’s Tamra. Tamra, who has always pined for Cassian. Maybe he’ll finally return those feelings. Hope swells in my chest at the possibility. And some other emotion. Something I can’t identify. Something I’ve never felt before.

“Whatever the reason, every girl in this pride would kill to have Cassian look at her the way he looks at you.” She pulls a face and flips onto her back on my bed. “Maybe even me.”