Valorous(90)

“And yet you’re still not convinced?”

“What about the other side of the equation?”

“Are you actually asking me how the sex is with my wife?”

“Yes, I’m asking you that! I know how you like it, and I can’t for the life of me see you behaving that way with a woman who’s been through what she has.”

“I can’t see it either, but the sex with her is still incredible. There’s a connection with her that I’ve never had with anyone else. It’s always been mechanical. With her it’s… Divine.”

He’s quiet again, but I can see his wheels turning.

“What? Just say it so we can clear the air.”

“Don’t shoot me for playing devil’s advocate, but you felt that way about Valerie at first, too.”

“I never felt for Valerie what I feel for Natalie. Ever.”

“Okay, but you were really into her at first, and after a while you found it difficult to deny yourself the things you wanted from her. And we all know how she felt about what you wanted. All I’m saying is it was hard to watch that happen and to see you crushed in the aftermath. It affected everything for a long time, including the work. I don’t want to see that happen again. None of us does.”

“That’s not going to happen.” As I say the words, a tingle of anxiety works its way down my spine.

“You’ve convinced yourself that you’d rather live without the lifestyle than without her. Am I right?”

“Something like that.”

“Believe it or not, I almost understand. You’ve tuned in to my… affection, I guess you’d call it, for Addie.”

“Yeah, and I’m hoping you’re going to do something about that one of these days. I’m sure she is, too.”

“I’m never going to do anything about it, because I know myself and what I can live without—and what I can’t. There’s no way I’d put either of us through that kind of hell. And that’s what it would be as soon as the blush wore off the rose and I accepted that I had to spend the rest of my life denying who and what I am. If you can do that, I give you credit. I can’t.”

Hayden’s words hit me in the chest like an arrow, filling me with irrational fear. What if I can’t either? What will become of us if my inner Dom tries to break loose with her? Remembering the panic in her eyes after I pinned down her hands makes me break out in a cold sweat.

Addie knocks and pokes her head in. “Flynn.”

“Yeah?”

“Can you, um, can you come here, please?”

My first thought is of Natalie. Has something happened? “What’s wrong?”

“There’s an FBI agent here to see you.”

Hayden and I look at each other and then at her. “To see me? Why?”

“He didn’t say. He’s waiting in your office.”

“Did you call Emmett?”

“He and the rest of the legal team are off-site today at a training session,” Addie says. “I can call him, if you think we need him.”

“Let’s see what he wants with me first.”

No words are spoken as Hayden gets up to come with me. The three of us are silent in the elevator that delivers us to the floor where our offices are housed. We step into my office, where a man in a suit is standing at the window, admiring the view. He turns when he hears us come in.

“Mr. Godfrey, I’m FBI Special Agent Vickers.”

I shake his hand. “My business partner, Hayden Roth.”

“Good to meet you. I admire your work. Both of you.”

“Thank you.” I’m anxious to dispense with the small talk. “What can we do for you?”

“A lawyer named David Rogers in Lincoln, Nebraska, was found murdered in his office this morning. Does that name ring a bell with you?”

I know a moment of pure, unmitigated joy at hearing the man who screwed Natalie over so badly is now dead. “As you and everyone else in America is aware, I know exactly who he is. What does it have to do with me?”

“On the Carolyn Justice show, you made a statement that has sparked the interest of law enforcement.” He consults a notebook he withdraws from his pocket. “You said, ‘I’ve never thought I was capable of murder, but in this case…’”

“Are you inferring that I killed him?”