Upside Down(44)

“Wow. That’s kinda scary.”

“It is a bit.”

“Have you ever been tempted to go to the dark side?”

I smiled. “No. Being a good guy pays well, I get to do what I enjoy, and there are other perks—like not going to prison.”

Jordan snorted. “Pretty big perk.”

“So there will always be things I can’t tell you. Don’t think it’s anything against you, because it’s not. It’s just my job. There are all kinds of NDAs and contracts where I guarantee silence and anonymity.”

“No, that’s completely fine. I get that.”

“But yes, I will be wrapping up that contract this week, which will be a hell of a relief for a whole range of reasons,” I said. “The biggest reason being, the boss of the company I’m working with right now is my ex. But despite our differences, he wanted the best, and me being ever the professional…” I waved my hand.

He made a face and shifted in his seat. It clearly made him uncomfortable. “That can’t be easy.”

“No. Especially after I moved out, and having to see him again, it wasn’t easy at all.”

“You lived with him?”

“Yep. For six months. It was kind of crazy, and I think moving in with him was a last-ditch effort to save the relationship. Which in hindsight was stupid. I thought it might make us closer, and apparently he thought it might make me want to sleep with him. We broke up, he moved on, and I moved out.”

“He’s the guy that slept with other people right after you broke up?”

“Three people. That day.” I threw my serviette onto my empty plate. “I know that because he brought them home. I don’t know if he wasn’t expecting me to still be there…”

“That motherfucker.”

I nodded. “Yep. I didn’t stick around to watch. I was gone before his bedroom door was even closed.”

“Good.”

“I went straight to Michael’s place, and he and Vee fed me Chinese food and vodka till I felt better.”

“They sound like my kind of people.”

“You’d like them. I know you and Michael would hit it off, and Vee would adore you.”

“Is she the one who is trying to set you up with dinner dates?”

I nodded. “Yeah. She just wants me to be happy.”

“Are you?” he asked.

I met his gaze and held it for a long moment. “I am now.”

He blushed and rolled his eyes. “Well, I am a total catch.”

I sighed happily. Happier than I had been in a long time. “Can I be totally honest with you?”

He looked stricken. “Oh God. This never ends well.”

I moved my foot to the outside of his under the table and kept it there. “It’s not bad. It’s just… this is probably going to sound corny, and it’s probably too soon to dump this on you, but I’m so glad I met you. To finally find someone who not only understands me, but is like me… it feels like I won the lottery.” He looked about to say something, and maybe this was crazy-fast, but I felt something in my very core for Jordan. I put my hand up. “Maybe I’m not saying this right and I don’t want to scare you off. But for me to meet someone who not only gets me but who is the same as me, well that’s pretty amazing.”

He frowned at his plate. “No, I get it. I really do. I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I was just different and that was who I was. And like I told you at the support meeting, I have so many labels already, I didn’t really need another one. But I’m thinking now maybe it wasn’t the label I had the issue with. Maybe it was finally admitting there was something different about me, because if I admitted it, it made it true and then I had to face it. Know what I mean?”

I nodded. “I do, yeah.”

He smiled. “And that right there is why I’m glad I met you too. Because you’re like me. There are other people who are like me. There’s nothing wrong with me, there’s nothing abnormal about me.”

“No, there’s not. The word normal should be thrown in the garbage.”

“I’m thinking of writing Merriam-Webster a sternly worded letter,” he joked. “It needs to be removed. Along with the word baccalaureate. Not for any other reason that I just don’t like it, and I can never spell it right on the first go.”

“Do you have to use it often?”

“Too often. You’d be surprised.”

“Then it should be abolished immediately.”

He smiled at me, a half-smile. A comfortable, lazy kind of smile that made him look as cute as hell. “But getting back to my point,” he said. “You’ve shown me that it’s okay to have hard limits and likes and preferences, and that I don’t have to endure unwanted sex just to feel like society tells me I should feel. Because that’s not who I am; I know that now, and I know it’s not a defect. So for that reason, I’m really glad I met you too.”

I grinned at him.

“I mean there are other reasons I’m glad I met you, the most perfect second date in history, notwithstanding.”

“Such as?”

“Loves books, has great taste in books too, I might add. You’re kind and thoughtful, and you notice things about people that most people wouldn’t.”