Upside Down(46)

Jordan put his hand on the gate to my front door and pushed it open. “After you.”

I let out a relieved laugh but went through the gate. My stomach tightened with nerves. “Um. Thank you.”

“The nervous rambling is cute,” he said. “But like I said, that’s my trademark. You’ll need to get your own.”

Smiling, I took out my key and unlocked my front door, and this time, I held the door for him. “I’m not normally the nervous type,” I admitted as I stepped inside. I flipped on the light and closed the door behind him, then leaned my back against it. “But I am around you. I mean, I’m comfortable like I’ve known you forever, but I’m nervous because I don’t want to fuck this up.”

He turned and eyed me for a moment. “Why would you fuck it up? Because believe me, if there’s anyone who is a walking train wreck, I’m pretty sure it’s me.”

I put my hand to my forehead, trying to get myself in order, and pushed off the door to close the distance between us. “You’re not a walking train wreck,” I whispered, putting my hand to his jaw. “You’re kind of awesome and really cute. And I probably should find my manners and ask you if you’d like a drink or something, but I’m pretty sure if I don’t kiss you right now, my heart will explode.”

He sucked back a breath and licked his lips. “Well, we can’t have exploding hearts. I mean I know CPR and I can keep a heart beating until the ambulance gets here but I don’t think there’s much I can do for an exploding heart and I’d much rather you didn’t die right now because the cops might think I did it and I’m far too cute to go to jail.”

I chuckled as I leaned in. His eyes fluttered shut and his lips parted slightly just before I kissed him. He responded, leaning into me and kissing me back with a restraint and tenderness that made my knees weak. I had one hand cupping his jaw and the other at his waist, and he felt so right against me.

There was no arousal; my body didn’t usually react like that. But my heart was beating triple time, my blood singing, and my chest bloomed with a warmth I’d only felt a few times before. He took my breath away.

I slowed the kiss, and keeping my forehead pressed to his, I swiped my thumb along his jaw. “Wow.”

He laughed and his blue-grey eyes swam as if he were drunk. “Yeah. Wow.”

I hummed and licked my lips, enjoying the thrum of sensations kissing him had given me. Like he’d done to me before, I took his hand and placed it over my heart. “Feel that? That’s from you.”

He blushed and laughed it off, sliding his hand from my heart down my arm. It took him a moment, but he eventually met my eyes and there was uncertainty in his.

“You okay?” I asked.

He nodded and looked around the room, taking in the TV, the couches, and the small dining table. “I um…” He let out a breath.

I might have thought he was nervous but it wasn’t that. He was anxious. “Want that drink?” I asked, figuring he could use the distraction. I walked into the kitchen and hit the lights before opening the fridge. “I have bottled water or lemon-flavoured mineral water, which I sometimes add vodka to? Or Corona if you want beer, and tea or coffee.”

He was still standing in the living room where I’d left him, his hand in his back jeans pocket. “Um… water’d be great, thanks.”

I took two bottles and handed him one, then picked up the TV remote. “So, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Should I start at the first episode, first season? Or do I just skip straight to season three?”

It seemed to take a second for his brain to kick into gear. “Oh, episode one, season one, of course.” He walked around to where I was and sat slowly on the sofa. “Um, you can’t be a true fan if you skip anything.”

“True.” I waited for Netflix to load and found the thumbnail I was after and hit Play. I sat beside him, on the same couch, but not too close. I leaned back, put my feet on the coffee table, and plonked a cushion on my lap. “So, Sisko is the best captain or commander, whatever his rank ended up? What about Picard, or Kirk and Spock, or Janeway? There has to be a reason you picked Sisko.”

He smiled at me and seemed to relax before launching into a spiel on consistency and compassion and how Sisko’s being a father in the show made him more relatable. He was animated; the light in his eyes was back, along with his smile. We watched two episodes before I couldn’t fight another yawn. “I think it’s time for bed,” I said, trying to shake off my tiredness.

“Oh,” Jordan said, quickly getting to his feet. He swallowed hard and took a small step back. “Yes, I should be going. I didn’t realise how late it was.”

His anxiousness was back, and I think I knew what it was. While we’d been standing close and touching, he’d become anxious, but as soon as I put some distance between us and made no move to get cuddly on the couch, he’d relax.

I sat up and put my feet on the floor. “Jordan, can I ask you something?”

He opened his mouth but shut it again and he glanced to the front door. “Uh, sure.”

“Are you worried that I want more?” I looked up at him. “Because I don’t. I mean, that kiss earlier was amazing and I’d like to do more of that, but not tonight. And maybe we’ll work our way up to cuddling on the couch.” I gave a pointed nod to the TV. “Maybe by season two? But not tonight.”