Upside Down(21)

“I’d suck at poker. My face gives me away every time.”

“That’s not a bad thing.” He smiled and took a deep breath. “You mentioned us being friends.”

“I did. I dropped the F-bomb. But I did amend it…” It felt like my face was on fire.

“Yeah, about that. Merry suggested I meet you with being friends in mind. I tend to put pressure on myself and freak out and make an arse of myself.” He chewed on his bottom lip, but I could tell he wasn’t done talking. “I’d said to her we had a coffee date and I was like oh my God, he’s kind of perfect. I mean, he cried during Flowers for Algernon and that kind of puts him perfect territory, and he’s asexual, so…” He let out a slow breath, fixated on his coffee. I guessed it was easier not to look at me. “But Merry was probably right. I do need a friend who might understand where I’m at with this whole asexual thing.”

“Friends is good,” I managed to say, though my mouth was suddenly dry.

“Jesus, don’t ever take up poker.”

I chuckled. “Being transparent is a curse.”

“No it’s not,” he replied, looking at me now. “I’d take it any day over the opposite. I like it.”

I kind of felt a little scrutinised under his gaze, but he’d been honest with me so I figured cutting to the chase wouldn’t hurt. “So where are you at with the asexual thing? How are you feeling with that realisation that it might be a good fit for you?”

“I’m terrified and relieved. I don’t know.”

“That sounds about right.” Fuck. Fuck, fuck. “Can I be honest with you?”

He nodded.

I took a fortifying breath. “On the bus, I asked if you were thinking of going to the next support meeting as a way of gauging if you’d thought more on whether asexual was a fit for you or not. Because I could be interested in seeing where things go with you, but I can’t be with someone who doesn’t understand the whole no-sex thing.”

“Interested in me?” he breathed. “Really? Me? Are you drunk?”

I laughed. “No, I’m not drunk. But uh, yes. You. You’re incredibly interesting and funny. And you know who Daniel Keyes is, which kind of puts you into perfect territory.” I smiled at him. “But I’m happy with friends, Jordan. I think it’s a really good place to start, and if you want to catch up for coffee and a chat any time, I’m up for that. We can talk about books and canonical and classic literature.”

Jordan stared at me. “You know what that is?”

“I studied a unit or two of English literature at uni.”

“To be an internet security expert?”

“Well, no,” I admitted. I cringed a little. “I took it for fun.”

He blinked. “Are you even real? Or are you some interactive holographic program with all the right things to say?”

I chuckled. “No. I don’t think the field of digital physics or plasmon, for that matter, is that advanced.”

He side-eyed me. “That’s something a hologram would say. Or someone who knows his sci-fi.”

I laughed. “Are you avoiding what I said before?”

“That you’re interested in me?” He blanched. “Well, yes. Because you seem to have full faculties, so maybe just a lapse in judgement…?”

I probably would have laughed if he didn’t look two seconds from freaking out.

“Jordan?” I said, getting his attention this time. His eyes snapped to mine. “Want to go for a walk. We can walk up to the park? Get some fresh air.”

He nodded woodenly. “Yes please.”

I thought the walk, burning energy, or focusing his output somewhere else might help. Sitting in a coffee shop could feel a little confined. I waved goodbye to the barista, and Jordan and I stepped out of the shop to the footpath, coffees in hand. The cold wind was like getting in an ice bath. He shook his head and held his coffee like it was his own personal heater, but he seemed focused, sober now.

“This way,” I said, nodding up Crown Street. We fell into step beside each other as we walked. “So, I didn’t even ask. Do you live close by? Please don’t tell me you live at Penrith and I made you come all this way.”

He smiled. “No. Newtown. Twenty minutes from here on the 353.”

“You like it there?”

“Newtown? Yeah, sure. It’s like Surry Hills just minus the price tag and some of the pretentious kale-smoothie types.” He shot me an oh-shit look. “You’re not the pretentious kale-smoothie type, are you?”

I laughed at that. “No. Coffee, water, sometimes a juice if I need sugar. A wine or a beer maybe, depends what I’m in the mood for. Nothing overly pretentious.”

“Phew. That was lucky. It could have been super awkward.” He grinned at me. “So what about you? Have you lived around here long?”

I was right. Getting him out and changing the subject had him more relaxed already. “Six months. I moved from the North Shore, so not too far. Surry Hills was close to work and I needed a change of scene, and at first I was like, what the hell have I done? But now I like it.”

“You needed a change of scene?”

“Relationship breakdown,” I said. “It was over months before that, but I just don’t think I wanted to admit it, ya know? Anyway, it was kind of a mess. Nothing horrible, but every time I left my place, it felt like I ran into him. Or him and his new boyfriend. Or his friends. At the supermarket, at the café, restaurants. So I just thought a move sounded exactly like what I needed.” Our walking pace had slowed to a leisurely stroll. “Is that too much information?”