Up in Smoke (Crossing the Line, #2)(21)

“Christ,” he muttered under his breath, adjusting himself beneath the towel he’d wrapped around his waist. They’d been officially living together less than an hour and his body was already rebelling against his resolution to go slow. Hoping he could make it to the bedroom unnoticed, Connor turned into the short hallway leading to their bedrooms. At the entrance to his bedroom, he paused. They’d planned on switching, but his things were still in there. It occurred to him that at that moment, they were sharing a bedroom, and he swelled even larger beneath the towel.

“Connor?”

He froze with his hand on the doorknob. “Yeah.”

“Dinner in twenty minutes.” Her voice sounded throaty. Uneven. “If you’re hungry.”

Dammit, why hadn’t he tugged one out in the shower? He knew why. He’d rushed, worried the entire time that she’d slip out a window and show up again when she felt like it. “Okay. I’ll be out soon.”

“Did you mean what you said…about going slow?”

Jesus. “Hell yes, I meant it. I don’t say things I don’t mean.”

A beat passed. “Can we go slow right now?”

Did he have enough willpower in place at the moment? No. Then again, he never did when it came to her. So what difference did it make? All hope of resistance flew out of his head when he felt her breath at the center of his bare back. It reminded him of their height difference. Made him picture how they’d look in bed, her petite body aligned with his bulk. Taking each thrust of his cock with a pleased cry. The kind of cry a woman gave when a man conquered her and she realized she loved it. Erin’s cry would drown out all of them. Someday. Not now. He braced his hands on the door and tried to remain still, swallowing a groan when fingers traced up his left side.

“You smell so good.” She laid a wet kiss on his back. “Your skin is so hot. I want to rub myself all over you. Can I do that?”

His head dropped forward with a moan. “That’s not slow, sweetheart. That’s f*cking fast.”

Her hand slowed, started to pull away. Connor spun around to stop her. Any headway, he would take it. No matter what it cost him. His instinct was to grab her hand and place it back on his body, but she wouldn’t like having her wrist manacled. He found her staring at his chest, face flushed, lips rosy and parted. His arousal surged painfully. Nothing. She hid nothing when it came to her physical needs, and her honesty tore at his layers.

“You were wounded?” Her gaze was on his right pectoral, running over the puckered flesh where he’d been shot in Brooklyn, taking a bullet meant for his cousin. “It happened when you were with the SEALs?”

Not wanting to lie to her, but reluctant to talk about the past he desperately wanted to forget, he made a gruff sound and focused on her. “Do you want me to touch you?”

She made a small sound. “Not yet. I’m not ready.”

“Okay.” He hated the sudden uncertainty creeping into her expression. Wanted to annihilate it. “Look what you do to my body, Erin. It only wants to please yours. Tell me how I can do that. Tell me how to make you better, because I’m just as lost as you.”

Her eyes cleared, heating once more. “You’re a man who likes to restrain women. Tie them down and mix pleasure with pain. Aren’t you, Connor?”

Just the words leaving her mouth sent lust raging to the surface. The way she spoke was almost hypnotic, captivating all five of his senses. Owning them. “Yes. I won’t ever lie to you.” He swallowed hard. “When I think of being inside you, I’m on top. I’m in charge. I’m so f*cking deep I can’t breathe.”

Erin looked down at her right hand, looking surprised to find it holding a bottle of olive oil. He hadn’t noticed it either. She must have been using it to cook dinner. “Would you let me restrain you?” She uncapped the bottle and drizzled a small amount of the golden liquid into her palm. His breathing grew unsteady as she rubbed it over his abs, then up and across his chest. Her palm coasted over his nipples, leaving them glistening with oil. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“How?” he rasped. Could he give up control completely? He’d never handed over the power to another person. There had always been too many outside sources in his life he couldn’t organize, manage, but it always stopped in bed. He was used to ruling there.

“You’ll have to trust me.”

No. He didn’t like the idea of having his hands restrained when she could vanish so easily. Or she could panic like last night and need him. The thought of not being able to go to her, comfort her, infused him with anxiety. “The trust goes both ways, Erin. I’m telling you I won’t put my hands on you. You’ll have to trust me on that.” He took a deep breath and let the towel drop. “Do your worst.”

Jesus Christ. The hunger in her expression. It almost knocked him back against the door. Right before his eyes, her breasts swelled over the top of her bustier as her mouth fell open to suck in a raspy breath. She rubbed her thighs together in a way that told him she was growing wet just by looking at him. How the f*ck could he survive this? Without any restrictions, she would have already been divested of her ass-hugging shorts and he would be banging her where she stood. Plain and simple, having her stare at his cock like it was a meal while being unable to do anything about it could very well land him in an asylum.