Up in Smoke (Crossing the Line, #2)(20)

“Oh.”

Patience. “Just oh?”

She shrugged. “We have conflicting views on windows. Get it? Views.”

“Erin.”

“Curtains, huh?” Her right foot started to jiggle. “You want to keep me hidden.”

“Only until the threat goes away. If you tell me what it is, I can make that happen.”

Erin rose and went to go stand by the window. She looked out but didn’t appear to be seeing anything on the other side. The unfocused expression he’d seen last night was back, only this time she seemed more thoughtful. “You can’t make him go away. I tried. He’s inflammable.”

Connor frowned. “How do you know that?”

Her gaze cut to his. “I set his house on fire while he was inside it. You still want to be my roommate?”

“Yes.” He made sure to say it without hesitation. Should he be hesitating? Probably. She’d just admitted to arson. His only excuse was a bone-deep feeling that she’d had a driving reason. And what kind of a hypocrite would he be for judging her actions? After what he’d done, he didn’t have the right to judge anyone. “Who is he?”

“My stepfather.” She sounded numb. “Is our hour up yet, doc?”

He’d gotten more out of her than expected. He should call it a wrap for now, but he needed to know one more thing. Needed to know what physical and mental scars she was nursing, if he could potentially make it worse. If he did, he’d never forgive himself. “Almost.”

She must have sensed the seriousness in his tone because she closed her eyes, pressed her forehead against the window. God, he wanted to drag her away from it. He didn’t like her being exposed. He needed to resist that urge at all costs. Windows were a requirement for her.

“Did your stepfather abuse you?”

“Not in the way you’re thinking.” The way she’d answered so quickly, he knew she’d been expecting the question. “He might be part of the reason I don’t like being touched, but it’s not because he touched me. Does that make you feel relieved?”

“‘Relieved’ isn’t the right word. I can’t be relieved when you’re still hurting.”

She hugged her elbows close, but didn’t respond. Connor couldn’t watch her looking so vulnerable another second. He stood and went to stand by her, instantly feeling soothed having her within reaching distance. What sense did that make when he couldn’t even touch her?

“Tell me what’s off-limits, Erin.” Her gaze lifted to meet his. The combination of heat and apprehension there told him she knew what he was asking. When she wet her lips, he held himself back from licking them more thoroughly for her. “How can I touch you?”

“I don’t know. No one has touched me in a long time. Not like you want to,” she whispered. “I love kissing you, but I don’t know what your mouth will feel like…everywhere. Or what you’ll feel like inside me.”

They took a simultaneous deep breath. Calmly discussing his going down on her, being joined with her, made him feel anything but calm, but he ordered himself to listen closely as she spoke. “I haven’t been touched like that since…before. Even then, it never felt good.”

“Before what?”

His question pushed too far. He could see the second she closed him out. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Not if it’s one-sided. Not if I’m the only one revealing weaknesses.”

An ache started beneath his collarbone. “There’s nothing weak about you.” Wondering how much he could reveal without scaring her away, he took a step toward the bathroom, but stopped. “The way you count steps to the street or need the fire. Those are things you can’t control, right?” He waited for her nod, praying he wasn’t damning himself. “Sometimes, Erin, I get angry. I’ve hurt people before and been unable to stop.” His look was meaningful. “If I found the man who wronged you, I would kill him and like it. And I might not remember most of it afterward. I’ve learned to control myself, but it’s hard sometimes. That’s my weakness.”

She appeared transfixed as she came toward him, reminding him of the way she looked at fire. Tension rolled off him the closer she got, leaving him in a rush when she laid a hand against the side of his face. “Only good men feel the weight of their burdens.” She ran her fingers through his hair, making his eyelids droop. “Only good men continue to take on more.”

“You’re not the burden.” His protest was vehement. “How could you be? They leave me when we’re close.”

Doubt trickled into her expression. “But I can only let you get so close.”

Her scent and soft voice were fogging his senses, common sense ordering him to take a step back while they’d made some progress. “I’m going to take a shower. Tell me you’ll be here when I come out.”

“I’ll be here.”



Connor walked out of the bathroom ten minutes later, immediately searching the apartment for Erin. He found her standing at the kitchen counter cutting up the peppers he’d brought home. In her combat boots, mussed hair, and leather bustier, she looked vastly out of place performing such a mundane task. Looked better suited to holding up a convenience store or stage diving at a rock concert. She flicked her hair back over her shoulder, then bent at the waist to retrieve a colander from under the sink. The move showed off her incredible ass, the taut muscles of her thighs, the sexy line of her back. A vision of his hands pressing that back down into the mattress while commanding she keep her bottom as high up in the air as possible made his cock stiffen.