Unveiled (Torn #6)(18)
I was used to tough love. Fighting my way through life, even fighting through loving Brody, hoping one day he would see me as a woman who was crazy for him rather than Carter’s baby sister. I withstood it all. What I hadn’t anticipated, though, was proposing for my own marriage. Every time I was reminded about what I had done last night, I cringed from the horror of it.
While Brody was lost in his own thoughts, my mind raced for ideas, hoping Dimitris and I come to the same place. The one where I sat there looking at him, miserable and utterly desolate that he and I hadn’t worked out.
“Wanna play some checkers?” I blurted out, hoping he would take the bait. I mean, I wasn’t against “discussing” his feelings or having that type of conversation with him, but I needed something else to do other than raking over the past.
Feelings and Lindsey Mason weren’t the best of friends, and since it appeared we were going down this memory lane route, my energy needed something else to focus on or else my emotions would become magnified, and then what? I would most likely breakdown there … in that f*uking coffee shop where we were surrounded by people that went to our school. I would be a blubbering mess in front of Brody, spouting complaints that my accidental marriage proposal had been rejected by the love of my life and that he hadn’t since contacted me.
Not speaking to anyone about my humiliation was eating me raw inside, yet I wasn’t ready to openly say the words, not until I had spoken to Dimitris. Until then, I would most likely simmer in its mocking pathetic—ness.
Brody made a noncommittal sound of clearing his throat, causing me to seek out his eyes. “You sure you want to play checkers? I don’t mind it if it helps you, you know … deal with this.”
I nodded, not wanting to clarify how on-point he was about me, as I cautiously placed the coffee on the table. Once the mug was set, I went to the nearest bookshelf to scout for the game we all had enjoyed playing growing up. Taking out said game, I then went back to our spot, sporting a lighter mood.
“So, how have you been since...?” I asked as I took the board out of its well-worn cardboard box.
“Since you left?” he emphasized. “Well, what do you think?” He gave me a knowing look that didn’t need responding. “Let’s look back, shall we?” He cleared his throat before casually sitting back, his heated intense eyes never leaving my face. “When I was about three or four, I remember my best friend bragging about this beautiful baby sister he just had. So, when I came with my parents to the hospital to visit his mom and brand new sibling, I wasn’t sure what I was expecting. But, when it was my mom’s turn to hold the pink, tiny, bundled baby, I didn’t expect to be captured by this new form of life. I remember thinking that I’d protect you, too, just like Carter told me he would do for the rest of his life.
“Growing up with this little girl was fascinating—watching her grow gradually from a pretty cute kid to a very stunning, strong-willed woman, a very beautiful, sexy woman. I’m not sure when it all changed, when I started noticing things about her that would keep me awake at night just thinking about her smile and how she made me feel funny inside. But I knew Carter wouldn’t be happy with it, and at the same time, I didn’t want to break my promise that I’d protect her, too. She would do things, things that left me aggravated, angry even, flaunting herself so readily in front of my friends. She was a spitfire of a woman that most of my friends wanted, and it didn’t take long until one of them found the guts to ignore Carter’s threats about staying away from his baby sister.
“When I found out what Cooper did and how far he went with her, I drove around for hours, feeling lost because I wasn’t sure how I’d deal with my anger and hurt. Most of all, I felt betrayed because this girl that used to follow me around, making my life a little brighter, wasn’t a little girl anymore. I hated myself for getting angry, so I resorted to drinking until I could no longer see the image of her while my friend Cooper kissed her, touched her in ways I could only dream of doing. That night, when I was on my way home, it was as if I was done. I wanted to confront her, tell her she was making a mistake choosing Cooper. That Cooper wasn’t worthy of her. That he didn’t know her as well as I did.
“But when I confronted her, she was ready to chew my head off. I wasn’t sure why she was so angry with me. So we fought because I, too, couldn’t contain my emotions. What I didn’t expect was how it would turn out. So, when I accidentally kissed her, I f*uking lost it. I didn’t care that she was with my friend, because I was selfish, and I wanted her far longer than Cooper ever did. After that night, even after the mind-blowing sex, she was still seeing Cooper and even daring to date other men.
“There I was, confused because I wanted this girl for myself, but she was unattainable. So I let her set the pace, not wanting to pressure her into exclusivity. I loathed knowing she wasn’t mine. However, I felt she needed more time to come to terms with things between us. I gave her space, which turned out to be the biggest mistake I’ve ever done.
“Letting her go to Greece was going to change everything, but I was too f*uking absorbed and too f*uking stupid to see it was f*uking possible for her to really fall in love with another man—the guy who had been waiting for her all her life. And what came after that small summer trip, I can’t even talk about it.”
Our eyes met. Mine filled with unshed tears; his appeared dead. “So how have I been? Well, I’ve been feeling like shit because I was too stupid to speak up and demand things that were supposed to be my right. I let my feelings for her get in the way, hoping she’d come around when ready. But you were never coming around, huh, Linds? Because, after you came back from Greece, even though you came to me, you weren’t really all there. I was just that guy from your past to pass the time while you waited for him to come after you, and when he showed up at that party, you knew it was a game changer.”