Until Lilly (Until, #3)(9)

“Yeah.” Lilly nods. Jax lets go of her hand and runs to me, grabbing mine. We wait and hold open the door for the girls.

“Your hair is really red,” Jax says, looking at Lilly. She laughs, shaking her head. The sun is out, beaming down on her, making her red hair shine more brightly and giving her a glow.

“She just colored it. It was brown before,” Ashlyn informs us, making me laugh as I think about the last time I saw her; her hair was the same color it is now, only a lot shorter. We walk out to the parking lot, and Lilly stops at a small, piece-of-shit car. It was probably silver at one time, but is now grey and dull, with rust spots and dents. She opens the back door, and Ashlyn crawls inside. I don’t like this. My body is fighting itself, not wanting them out of my sight.

“So I will call and set up a time with you,” she says, watching Ashlyn buckle her seatbelt.

“Call me when you get home,” I tell her, my voice rough with anger, not at her, but myself.

She shakes her head. “No, I’ll call you in a couple days after you have had some time to think about this.” I take a step towards her, getting in her space.

“I am not going to change my mind,” I growl the words, making her eyes widen slightly.

Then she takes a breath. “Well, then call when you’re ready,” she says quietly before squatting down to Jax’s level.

“It was very nice to meet you, Jax.” She holds out her hand for a shake.

“You’re pretty, like my mom.” Jax is wrong. Jules is pretty, but so rotten on the inside that it started seeping out, making a once pretty girl ugly. Now, Lilly—Lilly is more than beautiful, and if the situation between us hadn’t made her bitter, then nothing ever would. And I could see her light shine through every time she looked at our daughter.

“Well, thank you, honey.” She gives a small smile before standing back up and opening her door. I lean in the back door so I can talk to Ashlyn.

“I will see you soon, okay?” She nods. Her eyes are big and the same color as mine.

“So are you my daddy?” she asks more quietly this time.

“Yes,” I whisper, running my hand over her hair.

“Why didn’t you come see me?” Oh God, this is killing me. I have no idea how to explain this to her. I don’t even know how to explain this to myself.

“I am so sorry, baby.” The words choke out. “I promise you that I will come see you now, every chance I get.”

“Grandpa says that you hab to keep your promises.”

“He is right.” I smile at the way she pronounces her v’s the same way as Jax.  “You do have to keep your promises.” She nods in agreement. “I’ll call your mommy later and say goodnight to you.”

“Okay.” She reaches over, grabbing a small doll and holds it in her lap. I lean in a little, kissing the top of her head. I get out of the car and see that Lilly and Jax are talking.

“You ready, little dude?” I look down at Jax, who is watching Ashlyn curiously.

“I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry.” I laugh, watching Lilly get in the car. She shuts the door, turning her car on before rolling down the window.

“Grandma says I’m growing.”

“You are. Soon you’re going to be taller than me.”

“Wow!” His face lights up.

“But you have to eat your vegetables.”

“I don’t want to be as tall as you then,” he grumbles, and I pick him up, tossing him over my shoulder chuckling.

“Sure you do.” I look at Lilly, who is watching me with a small smile. “We’ll talk soon.” She nods. “Call me when you get home,” I tell her.

“Cash—”

“Lilly, call me when you get home,” I say it a little more slowly so she knows I am not f*cking around. She shakes her head.

“I will message you,” she sighs.

“No, no more messages. Call me.” Her eyes flash like they used to when we were a couple and her temper would flare. I used to love when it happened. I would kiss her until she melted into me and couldn’t remember why she was mad.

“Fine, I will call you.” She rolls her eyes, making me want to fist her hair and put my mouth on hers.

“Say bye, love bug.” Ashlyn waves from the backseat and Lilly from the front as I set Jax down next to me. We watch Lilly and Ashlyn pull out of the parking lot. I don’t like the feelings coursing through me. I don’t like them driving away, and I don’t like the amount of hate I am feeling towards Jules. I didn’t think I could hate her more than I did, but she’s proven me wrong. I need to call my brothers. I need to talk to them and have a beer.

“How about we stop at Grandma’s?”

“Okay.” Jax shrugs. I can tell he’s getting tired and will most likely be asleep by the time we hit the highway. After I get Jax in the car and buckled in, I hop behind the wheel and send a text to each of my brothers, telling them to meet me at the barn in an hour. I can’t believe Jules told Lilly to get an abortion. The whole time she was pregnant, she’d threatened to have one if I didn’t do exactly what she wanted. I shake my head and put my truck in reverse, stare at myself in the mirror, and notice my hat. It’s the same hat Lilly gave me when we were dating; I haven’t stopped wearing it since then. I head out of the parking lot wondering if this is my time, if I’m finally going to have a chance to be happy again.