Until Lilly (Until, #3)(7)

“Go play for a minute, love bug,” Lilly tells her. The little girl doesn’t take her eyes off me. I want to pick her up and hold her so badly that my fists clench, fighting it. Lilly kisses her forehead before turning her towards the trampoline. I watch her walk away then start to bounce. It takes a second for my brain to start functioning.

“That’s my daughter.” My blood starts to boil. She kept her from me.

“No, that’s my daughter.” She takes a step to the side, away from the other adults around us. I follow, standing at an angle so I can watch my kids.

“I can’t believe that you would keep my kid from me.” I look her over, the feeling of hate consuming me.

“You’re a piece of work, you know that? Your words were “get rid of it”, that you were getting married and having a baby with someone else.”

“What?”

“I read those words over and over a hundred f*cking times, so don’t tell me that she’s yours.” She pokes my chest, getting in my space. “She is mine! I suffered from morning sickness alone. I went to my doctor’s appointments alone. I was in labor for forty-seven hours. Alone. And I have raised her alone.” She growls the last words. I have no idea what the f*ck she is talking about.

“I never told you to get rid of my child, so don’t even try that shit with me.”

“Oh, yeah, you did, buddy. I even have a print out of the text messages. I kept them as a reminder to myself to never trust a man again.”

“I don’t know what the f*ck you’re talking about,” I say, a sinking feeling taking over my body.

“The day I found out I was pregnant, I messaged you telling you we needed to talk. You said we had nothing to talk about. I told you I was having your child, and you told me to get rid of it.”

“Oh, f*ck.” I rub my face, knowing this is all Jules. She did this; somehow, she did this. “It wasn’t me.” My voice is gruff to my own ears. For the first time in years, I want to cry like a little bitch. She’s watching me closely, her arms wrapped around her waist, her expression changing from anger to confusion and sadness. “What’s her name?” I ask, looking at my daughter, who is now talking to Jax. He grabs her hands, bouncing with her.

“Ashlyn Alexandra.” This is killing me. She gave her a version of my middle name—Alexander. I swallow the lump that is building in my throat. I look at Lilly.

“I want it back.” I don’t even realize that I say the words out loud. Lilly is my one, and I lost her and I’m going to get her back. I had wanted to search for Lilly a million times. I was so afraid she wouldn’t want me back, accept Jax, or that she’s moved on that I talked myself out of it every time. Now I wish I would have looked for her.

“What?” Her eyebrows draw together in confusion, the same way they used to when we were together, making her look adorable.

“We are going to have to figure out a way for me to be in her life, and for her to know her brother.” I take a step towards Lilly. “Where are you living?”

Her eyes get big, and her breathing picks up. Fuck yeah! I still affect her. “Um, we just moved to Springhill because I got a teaching job,” she says quietly, looking at Ashlyn and then back at me.

“Good, you’re not far from me.”  She starts shaking her head. I bring my hand up, cupping her cheek. “We will figure out a time to meet. We have a lot to talk about, but right now, let’s just have a good time. I don’t want the kids to get freaked.”

“Ashlyn is already freaked. She knows who you are.”

“What?’

“The pictures we took with my cell phone, she has them, and she knows who you are.”

“Jesus.” I rub the back of my head. “Where did you say I was?”

“Here.”

“Here?”

“Yes, well,” she pauses, clearing her throat, “we lived in Alaska near my parents up until a few months ago when I got the teaching job.”

“So you told her I lived in Tennessee?” I look to where Jax and Ashlyn are laughing with their little legs moving rapidly as they bounce in place.

“My dad wanted me to tell her that you were dead, but I couldn’t do it,” she whispers, and my head swings back in her direction.

“Why didn’t you try harder to get ahold of me?” I rip my hand through my hair. This situation is completely f*cked up.

“Why the hell would I do that when you told me to have an abortion?”

“That wasn’t me,” I growl.

“It was your phone.” She shakes her head. “So you never got married?” She rolls her eyes. “Obviously, you had a son.” She points at Jax.

I did not want to answer that question. I knew the minute I told her I had been married that she wouldn’t believe that I never told her to have an abortion. She must have read the look on my face. When she answers, her words are so soft and full of pain that I swear I can feel them cutting into my skin.

“I already know you got married, so even without you answering that question, I still know.” I see pain flash across her face. “I didn’t want to believe that what we had could be so easily replaced. I thought II had done something wrong, and you were upset. I thought you loved me. I was depressed and lonely, so I did a search of your name online, planning to come find you, and came across your wedding announcement.”