Until Lilly (Until, #3)(8)
“What the f*ck?”
“Yeah, that is kinda how I felt.” She gives a slight laugh, the kind that isn’t humorous.
“I am so sorry; you will never be on your own again,” I tell her, taking a step towards her because I want to hold her. She takes a step back, shaking her head.
“We can figure out a way for you to be in Ashlyn’s life, but only if you plan on sticking around. I will not let her become attached to you, only to have you walk away without an explanation.”
“I would never do that.” I narrow my eyes and she raises her eyebrows, crossing her arms over her chest.
“You are the one who taught me the meaning of never say never, remember?” she reminds me. I told her that when we first got together. She told me she wouldn’t sleep with me ever, and I told her never say never. We only slept together one time. That one time had made me fall more in love with her than I already was. The day after, I had to come back home and go to work. I never knew that it would be the last time I would see Lilly. I knew then that she was the one for me, even as young as I was. I knew, and in the end I tossed her away, thinking I was doing the right thing, not knowing how sharp the double-edged sword was that I held in my hand.
We both stand there staring at each other. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but I’m thinking I want to kiss the f*ck out of her, hold her, love her, and remind her of how good we were together. She looks away, then waves for Ashlyn to come to her. I watch my daughter bounce all the way over to where we’re standing. She is so beautiful that my chest hurts just looking at her. I have loved every second of raising my son, and I hate that I have missed so much time with her. Jax comes along with Ashlyn. When she reaches where we’re standing, her head goes way back, with her cute little face scrunching up.
“Are you my daddy?”
“No, he’s my daddy.” Jax launches himself at me. Ashlyn looks at Jax, and then me. I drop to my knees in front of her, putting my arm around Jax’s waist. I have no idea how to handle this right now, and my stomach starts to turn as my palms begin to sweat.
“Come here, love bug.” Lilly pulls Ashlyn into her arms.
“Daddy.” Jax puts his palm on my cheek, forcing my head to turn. “Why did that girl ask if you’re her daddy?” Leave it to my kid to get right to the point.
“Well…um.” Fuck, why couldn’t I think of what to say?
“What’s your name, honey?” Lilly asks. I look up to see Ashlyn in her arms looking down at us.
“Jax.” Lilly smiles so brightly her whole face lights up. I forgot that smile. How the f*ck did I forget that smile?
“Very cool name.” Jax’s chest puffs out under her praise.
“I’m going to be big like my daddy,” he informs her randomly.
“I’m sure you are, honey.” Lilly smiles again. “How would you feel about having a playdate with Ashlyn sometime?” Jax shrugs. I look at Ashlyn who smiles. “Sure, she could come to my house. I have a ferret and a tree house!”
“I’m sure she would like that. Though, I'm not sure what a ferret is.” Jax laughs and so does Ashlyn. I can’t believe how much they look alike. “I’m going to get your dad’s number, and we can set up a time.”
“Yay!” Jax yells, jumping up and down.
“Will you do me a favor, Jax?” He nods. “Take Ashlyn over to get her shoes while I get your dad’s number, okay?”
“Okay,” he agrees right away. Lilly sets Ashlyn down. She hasn’t taken her eyes off me. Jax takes her hand, pulling her along. I watch as she shows him where her shoes are. They are too high for her to reach, so he gets them for her, and then runs and grabs his before sitting next to her on the ground.
“I think it’s best if we talk to them separately about what’s going on. Jax is going to be very confused about this, and Ashlyn isn’t going to be much better. She knows of you, but doesn’t know you. I think we should set up a time for you to come alone and spend some time with her. Then bring Jax along later so they can get to know each other.”
“Why are you acting so cool about all of this?”
“I don’t know. I guess I will save my breakdown for tonight when Ashlyn is in bed, and I can have a glass of wine.” She pulls out her cell phone from her back pocket, sliding a finger across the screen. “So what’s your number?” I rattle it off, watching as she types in the numbers. My phone starts ringing from my pocket. I pull it out and save her number quickly. She turns her back on me, walking to where the kids are sitting. She runs her hand over Jax’s hair before grabbing her shoes. She bends over, putting them on with her round ass in the air. I look around when I feel a sting against my skin, my eyes landing on a guy who is looking at her ass with his wife or girlfriend standing right next to him. I walk up to where Lilly is bent over, not taking my eyes off the guy who is watching her. When I get there, the guy’s eyes come to me, and I give him a chin lift. He looks away quickly, making me feel somewhat better. I still have the urge to shove a foam block down his throat. When Lilly finally stands, I grab my hat after pulling on my sneakers. I put my hat on, shoving my hand in my pocket so I can grab my keys. I turn around to see Lilly looking at me funny, Jax holding one of her hands and Ashlyn holding the other. My heart squeezes at the sight of them together. She blinks, shaking her head. “You ready?” I ask.