Until Harry(22)

“I love my own house, obviously, but I don’t know, your house just feels right. Like, I feel super safe when I’m here, like nothing can touch me. Is that weird?”

“No, not weird at all. Everyone should have a favourite place, and I’m glad this house is yours, darling.”

I smiled. “Are you ready to go see The X-Men?”

My uncle stood up and puffed out his chest. “Born ready.”

I shook my head, laughing as we left my uncle’s house, cracking jokes and teasing one another. I knew I was blessed: I had an incredible family, and even though Kale annoyed me a lot, he was still the best friend I could have ever asked for. I knew I’d never be with him the way I wanted to be, but even if I couldn’t have that, I’d want us to be always as close as we were now.

I hope things never change, my mind whispered as I ventured out with my uncle to make more memories.





CHAPTER SEVEN

Day one in York

Kale’s baby died.

“No,” I whispered, and stumbled back.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way, sweetheart,” my father said, looking at baby Kaden’s grave once more. I lifted my hands to my face and covered my mouth as I shook my head in dismay.

This couldn’t be real.

“Dad,” I whispered, not knowing what else to say.

I moved my hands from my ears to my neck as I had difficulty swallowing the bile that threatened to rise up my throat. I dropped one hand to my abdomen as my stomach churned, and squeezed my eyes shut, trying my hardest not to cry.

“I’m sorry, Lane.”

I opened my eyes and looked up into my father’s.

“Kale . . . his baby died?”

My father’s expression was broken as he nodded. I wrapped my arms around myself and slowly rocked from side to side as heartache swirled within me. I couldn’t imagine what that must feel like for Kale, and for Drew. My father’s arm closed around my body as he drew me against him, hugging me tightly.

I didn’t know how long we stayed that way, but when we broke apart, I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms again.

“I ca-can’t believe this,” I whispered, shaking my head in utter shock and dismay.

My father scrubbed his face with one hand. “I know, sweetheart; it’s still hard for everyone to come to terms with.”

I blinked dumbly. “How can you come to terms with something like that?”

My father winced. “I worded that badly. I should have said it’s still hard for everyone to live with.”

I didn’t think I would be able to live with something like that; I wouldn’t be strong enough to survive the loss of a child. I could barely survive the loss of Kale and my uncle, let alone something as soul-crippling as losing a youngster.

“I was so focused on not focusing on him that I didn’t even notice how truly different he is now,” I said, looking off into the distance of the graveyard as I recalled Kale when I was briefly in his presence. “His eyes, they’re colder, darker . . . emptier. Now I know why.”

Kale wasn’t Kale anymore, just like I was no longer the Lane he knew. We were both different people now, and that saddened me.

“He hardly ever smiles or laughs now unless you’re mentioned,” my father commented.

I looked up at my father with surprise. “Me?”

“Yeah,” he said, his lip slightly twitching. “You.”

I didn’t know how to respond, so I stayed quiet.

“Your Uncle Harry always kept us informed on what you were up to, and when he told us about some of your conversations, it made Kale smile and laugh,” my father chuckled, thinking of those times. “The first few months after Kaden died, Kale’s mum used to beg me to have Harry over at the house when Kale was there, just so he could talk about you and smile.”

Butterflies filled my stomach before they were replaced with dread.

“That was a long time ago,” I whispered. “He must hate me now.”

“Why would Kale hate you, darling?”

I swallowed. “Because I wasn’t here for him when he needed me the most. I wouldn’t blame him if he hated me.”

My father clucked his tongue. “Lane, you couldn’t have predicted what happened any better than the rest of us could.”

That didn’t excuse my absence.

“I should have been here for him,” I said, frowning. “If I wasn’t so stubborn and hadn’t told Uncle Harry not to tell me about what any of you were up to, maybe he could have—”

“Kale didn’t want you to know.” My father cut me off mid-sentence.

“Wh-What?” I stuttered.

“When Kaden died, one of the first things Kale did was make Harry swear he wouldn’t tell you. He knew things were still very hard for you and didn’t want to add to it.”

I felt like my throat was going to close up.

“He felt like telling me his son died would add to what I was going through?” I asked, balling my hands into fists. “I would have gotten the first flight home to be here for him in any way he needed, even if it was just to attend the funeral or be in the church. I would have done anything.”

“He knew that, Lane, but deep down, I think he couldn’t handle it if you were there. Everything was falling apart around him.”