Until Harry(26)

“I don’t want dinner. I’m never eating anything ever again,” I blubbered, then ran around my father and into my bedroom, where I slammed the door shut and turned my lock.

I dove onto my bed and buried my face into my pillow as I sobbed. My chest hurt with the newfound knowledge of my appearance. My cheeks burned with embarrassment, and my heart ached with pain.

How could I not know I’m fat and ugly? I angrily thought. How could I not see it?

I had a mirror, a full-length one, but I never saw what Anna and Ally saw, even though Anna had repeatedly pointed it out over the last few years. When we made up, she would tell me she just said the mean things to hurt me, not because she thought they were true, and I stupidly believed her. I thought I looked like a normal teenage girl. I never thought I fell into the fat or ugly category. My father always told me I was beautiful. Kale did too.

They lied. Kale lied.

“Lane! Open this door right now!” my father ordered, and banged on my door with his fist.

I could hear my mother shout as she ran up the stairs, then my brothers’ voices as they ran in from the back garden upon hearing the shouting.

“No. You lied to me!” I screamed.

My father was silent for a moment before asking, “What did I lie to you about?”

Like he didn’t know!

“You told me I was beautiful,” I bellowed. “You told me I was perfect. You lied to me, Dad. I’m fat and I’m ugly, and everybody knows it! Everybody!”

I was sobbing so hard I almost made myself sick again.

“Lane!” Lochlan’s voice shouted. “Open the door, or I’m breaking it open!”

“Lochlan, stop it!” my mother snapped, her voice distraught.

“No, we don’t know what she’s doing in there,” he argued. “What if she’s hurting herself?”

At that my mother screamed for me to open the door, but I refused to do as she ordered. I didn’t even respond to her. I was too busy replaying what Anna and Ally had said to me in my head.

Hello, ugly alert.

“Lane?” Layton’s voice suddenly bellowed.

I closed my eyes and hugged my pillow to my body.

They’d all lied to me, every single one of them.

I screamed when a sudden bang erupted, followed by a crunching sound. I shot upright on my bed and stared wide-eyed at my door – which was now wide open.

“You – you kicked my door in!” I stuttered to my father, who stalked into my room and straight over to my bed to me.

I scurried back away from him until my back was against my wall.

“Don’t touch me!” I cried, wrapping my arms around myself.

My brothers flanked my father while my mother crawled onto my bed to get closer to me. She stared at me.

“What happened?” she asked, her voice shaking.

I looked at her for a moment before I cracked.

Breaking down, I threw myself into her opened arms and sobbed into her chest. She wrapped her arms around me and cried with me, even though she had no idea what was wrong. She just saw her baby hurting, and it hurt her.

“Anna . . . and Al-Ally,” I sobbed. “We were in Anna’s house, th-they called me fat and ugly, and they’re ri-right. I am disgusting.”

My mother whimpered. “You are not. You’re beau—”

“Don’t,” I wailed. “Don’t lie to me. I ha-have braces, I have gl-glasses, I have acne, and I’m fat. I’m ev-everything they said I was. I’m an ugly cow. I want to die!”

“Lochlan!” my father’s voice shouted as my brother ran out of my room. “Where are you going?”

“To get those little bitches here to fix this!” Lochlan replied, his voice a bellow.

“Oh, shit. He’s going to the O’Leary house,” Layton hissed, then ran out of my bedroom after our brother.

“Goddammit. Take care of her – I’ll be back soon.” My father ran out of the room after my brothers.

When they were gone, I fully turned into my mother’s embrace and buried myself against her. I held onto her as my body trembled. I felt so bad about myself, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I had never given my appearance much thought, but Anna was right: if I ever wanted a boyfriend, I would have to “look the part”. The only problem was, I had no idea what that meant.

“Why did Anna and Ally say those mean and untrue things to you?” my mother asked as she continued to rock us from side to side.

I sniffled. “Anna, she told me Kale was cu-cute, and she wanted him to be her b-b-boyfriend. I told her it wasn’t a good i-idea because he was older. I told her he was almost a man, and we w-were still girls. She didn’t care though, so I-I called her stupid,” I said, quickly adding, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call her that. It just sl-slipped out.”

“It’s okay, she is stupid for saying those things to you,” my mother assured me. “It’s all going to be okay.”

She continued to hold me, and before I knew it, I’d closed my eyes and slipped into an unsettled slumber. I awoke sometime later with my blanket pulled up over my body and my glasses removed. I reached out to my bedside table, picked up my glasses and slid them on. I was tired and wondered why I’d woken up, but when I heard voices downstairs, I realised I must have heard his voice in my sleep, and my body reacted by waking up.