Until Harry(18)

That, again, surprised me.

“So why didn’t you beat him further that day?” I quizzed.

My father was silent for a moment and then said, “Because he did a good enough job of beating himself up about it. Everything about his life changed after you left.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “Do I want to know?”

“No,” my dad replied instantly. “You don’t want to know, but you’re going to have to know in order to understand how things are with him now.”

That scared me.

“I don’t understand,” I replied.

My father was silent for a long time, but he eventually took me by the arm and led me away from my aunt’s grave. “Come with me, my sweetheart,” he said softly. “I want to show you someone.”

He wants to show me someone in a graveyard?

We walked slowly, passing by grave after grave, me holding my hand in his.

“Where are we going?” I asked as I scanned the dark cemetery, feeling goosebumps rise on my arms.

“You’ll see,” my father replied solemnly.

I nodded and nervously gnawed on my lower lip.

“Can you talk to me as we walk? I’m suddenly scared to be here,” I admitted.

My father tightened his hold on me. “Don’t be scared. I have you.”

“I know,” I said, “but I want to listen to you talk. I’ve missed your voice.”

My father chuckled. “Your mother would laugh hearing you say that. She offered to pay me one hundred quid to shut up last week. She gets sick of listening to me talk.”

My lip twitched. “She just pretends she does.”

“She’s a cracking actress if that’s the case,” my father stated.

My laughter filled the dark space of the graveyard, and I stopped just as quickly as I started. It felt wrong to laugh so loud in a place where many were resting.

“What is New York like?” my father asked, completely catching me off guard.

I glanced around. “It’s not right to say this in a graveyard, but it’s alive. Pulsing with life, day and night. It never stops.”

My father glanced at me. “It sounds exciting.”

It wasn’t.

“It can be,” I murmured. “I don’t get out much, though, if I’m being honest. The constant activity isn’t for me. I like the peace I find in my apartment and my books. New York isn’t exactly my ideal place to live, never mind grow old.”

I knew I shouldn’t have revealed that bit of information to my father, but it felt nice to finally say it out loud and know it was honest truth and not a fabricated lie to please others. Roman thought I loved New York, but that was only because when I was with him, I shared in his zest for life. He didn’t know that when I was on my own I sometimes wished I wouldn’t wake up when I went to sleep.

“Why not move someplace else then?” my father asked, scanning our surroundings as we walked.

I noticed he didn’t mention I should move back to York.

I shrugged. “It seems pointless to move somewhere else, I feel the way I feel because I’m sad, Dad. The environment I’m in won’t change how I feel.”

He nodded in agreement, then said, “No, but you can change how you feel.”

Here we go, I inwardly sighed.

I smiled a little. “I can’t change how I feel until I resolve why I feel the way I feel.”

“Ah, I see.” My dad smiled too. “If that’s the case, then when are you moving back home?”

I pulled on my father’s hand and stopped us walking.

“What?” I asked him, and fully turned in his direction.

My father raised his eyebrows at me. “Your problem started at home. You can’t fix it anywhere but here because your problem is rooted here . . . He lives here.”

I groaned. “Why can’t you just tell me to get over it and move on from Kale?”

“Why should I repeat what you’ve told yourself a million times before? It won’t change how you feel.”

I glared at my father. “When did you become so philosophical?”

“The day you left me.”

I froze. My father’s reply was instant, and it gutted me.

“I’m so sorry, Dad,” I breathed.

He frowned at me. “I know you are.”

I leaned in and placed my head on his chest. “Being here is really difficult.”

He put his arms around me and kissed the crown of my head. “I know, honey, but deep down you knew you couldn’t stay away forever.”

I sighed and mimicked my father, putting my arms around him. “Staying away – that was my plan.”

“Until Harry?”

I nodded against my father’s chest. “Until Harry.”

“He always did say he would get you to come home. Little did he know he was right.”

My eyes welled with tears.

“He understood it wasn’t just a silly crush I had with Kale. He knew that I was devastated when things ended the way they did between us. Then after Lavender . . . he knew I had to leave after she collided with the bombshell Kale dropped. It’s why he helped me. I probably would have started on my downward spiral again without Lavender, as I watched Kale and Drew start a family together while I looked on from the outside.”