Untamed (Thoughtless #4)(87)
Anna sighed too. “So in two months, I’ll see you?”
“Milfums…it’s temporary, you know that.”
“I know…Dilfums. Kill it today, okay? Then hurry home to me. I am so bored here without you. Carl can be entertaining at times, but he’s not you.”
I forced myself to laugh at her comment. “Yeah, I know he’s not…no one is. I gotta go, babe, I’m getting called on set.” I cringed as Anna said goodbye and hung up the phone. The bartender gave me a raised eyebrow but thankfully didn’t comment on my obvious lie. Since I had nowhere to go for another eight hours, I ordered another beer. Damn it. How long could I keep avoiding my life?
Around midnight, I made my way home. I felt like shit when I walked through the door. This sucked. I’d been poised for greatness, and now my life no longer had direction. The only thing in front of me was a looming deadline of the shit hitting the fan, and I’d always sucked with deadlines. I had no clue what to do, and I wasn’t used to that feeling.
Since childhood, I’d always known what my destiny was—fame. And once I’d found the D-Bags, I hadn’t questioned my life or the road I was on. I’d known I was on a skyrocket to success, and all I’d had to do was stay the course. But then I’d gotten there and realized it wasn’t what I’d thought it would be. It was like my path had been parallel to the path I’d wanted, so I’d gotten off it. And now that I was off that path, for the first time ever, I was questioning my choices, and I was beginning to wonder if my view of that original path had been skewed. Maybe it hadn’t been so bad after all. Maybe I could still climb back onto it? All I needed was a hand to help me up…
Without allowing a moment to second-guess myself, I headed to the kitchen and picked up the phone to make a call. I dialed a number that I hadn’t dialed in ages, and when a familiar voice answered, I had to swallow the knot blocking my throat. Then I wrapped myself in an armor of nonchalance. This was no big deal. Yes, it was. “Hey, Matt…good you’re up. It’s me, Griffin.” There was silence on the other end for so long that I almost thought he’d hung up on me. “You still there?”
“Yeah, I’m still here. Although I’m wondering why. I should hang up right now and block your number.”
The frostiness in his voice got under my skin, but I did my best to ignore it. “Are you still cross with me for decking you? Is that why you snubbed me at your wedding? Come on, man. That was forever ago.”
“Decking me? You think I’m mad about…?” I heard a deep inhale, then a long exhale. “What do you want, Griffin?”
Closing my eyes, I said a quick Let this work prayer. “Just wondering if you’d found a bassist yet. I’ve got some time to kill…so if you need anybody…” Please take me back.
Matt scoffed. “Are you kidding me? You’ve got time to kill, so you want back in…since you’ve got nothing better going on right now? Unbelievable.” He let out a humorless laugh. “What happened to your show? Your shot at stardom, since apparently being in a successful band wasn’t stardom enough for you.”
The truth was too horrible to say, so I told a creative lie. “They’re restructuring, and it may be a while before it goes on air.”
“Restructuring? I heard the studio dropped it. That bad, huh?” He let out another unamused laugh. His comment surprised me though. I didn’t realize that news was out there. Fuck, if Anna heard about it…
“You checking up on me?” I asked, my fear making me defensive.
“Nope, someone just happened to mention to me that it crashed and burned, and since you’re calling me begging for your old job back, I’m guessing that rumor was true. Must have sucked pretty badly if it didn’t even make it to the air.” His voice was so condescending, a chill of indignation went down my spine. Sanctimonious *.
“I wasn’t calling for my job back, jerkoff, I was just calling to get some intel on you guys.”
“Right. You’re just spying on us, to see how we’re doing?”
“Exactly. I’m curious about my competition.” Even as I said it, I knew this was where my path had been directing me all along. I was born to be on the stage, surrounded by thumping music and glaring lights. Movies and TV weren’t my destiny. Being a rock star was. I’d always known that, I’d just forgotten it for a moment or two.
Matt’s voice was dubious when he responded. “Competition? You’re going to put out an album?” He started laughing, and there was humor in it this time. A lot of humor. It only vindicated my decision. Yes, this would fix everything.
“What do you know about putting together an album, Griffin? In fact, what do you know about music at all? You never paid attention to anything we did. Ever! Your entire career with us was based on us doing all the work so you could goof off.”
His words were soaked in truth, but they incensed me anyway. “Someone had to lighten the mood. What with all the brooding and melancholy and seriousness…I’m the reason people liked us and liked coming to our shows. Because I’m the only one who knew how to have some f*cking fun! And I know plenty about music. You just watch, cuz. Because I’m about to impress the shit out of you.”
I hung up the phone before he could give me some lame-ass response. Smiling for the first time in what felt like days, I headed to my office to get started on lyrics. Fuck them. Fuck them all. I would do just what Harold said—dust myself off and keep going. And if I couldn’t join those f*ckers, then I would beat them.