Unravel(41)

“I’m thirteen,” I said. “I’m already older, wiser, and smarter.”

He laughed. “Okay. Well, you have to graduate high school. Then you can go wherever you want.”

I ducked my head and stared down at my shoes. “I want to go wherever you are.”

“Don’t say that. If you could go anywhere… anywhere in the world, where would it be?”

I hadn’t thought that far. I dreamed up places but I never thought those dreams would come true. “I-I don’t know.”

“Don’t know? What do you mean you don’t know?” He held his hands out in front of him. “Be adventurous, kid! When you get out there, you can do anything you want!”

Lachlan made it sound simple. Easy. Like it was one foot in front of the other.

“I will,” I promised. “You’re gonna tell me everything about college, right?”

His hands lowered. He smirked like what I said was funny. I wanted to ask him what was so funny. I wanted to lean forward and say, ‘Tell me what makes you laugh. I want to know the inside joke.’

But I didn’t.

“Not everything, but most,” he said.

“I’ll miss you,” I whispered.

Lachlan smiled at me before he stood up and walked away. “Miss you too, kid.”

I looked away.

“Cheer up. I’ll still see you in the summer. Okay?”

He was my happiness. And my happiness was leaving me to travel 2,100 miles away to find his own happiness. How could I be okay?

The next day he left, and I had to figure out what to do with this big gaping hole he left in my life. He would keep in contact with short, friendly e-mails. Each time I saw a new message from him, my heart would hammer wildly in my chest and I would click on the message, not expecting much. Lachlan was my source for living and those messages kept me going.

I would read the messages enough times that I had the words memorized. I would read them to Lana and she would sit on my bed, smiling but shaking her head at me as if I’d lost my mind. Her visits to my house were becoming more and more frequent. We started to forge a bond that was unbreakable. We became close enough that we would fight like sisters and seconds later move to a different subject like nothing had happened.

And that’s how I survived the first year of his absence.

But now it was August. He was home. I didn’t know how long he’d stay, but all that mattered was that he was here.

Finally.

I took a deep breath and tried to focus on my words. “I’ll be really busy this summer, Lachlan. I won’t be able to see you that much.”

“No, no, no,” I said and rubbed my hands down my face. “That’s all wrong. He’ll know I’m lying.”

The wood creaked loudly and seconds later I heard, “Are you talking to someone?”

I scrambled to a sitting position and watched Lachlan climb into the treehouse. My embarrassment disappeared and was replaced by happiness at the sight of him. He had grown so much he had to duck to avoid the branches as he walked over to me.

Every year I noticed more things about him. At ten, I thought he was cute. I would write his name on pages. Over and over. Sometimes our names would be in hearts. Sometimes it was just his name alone. At eleven, I wanted to kiss him. Didn’t know why. I just had this urge to press my lips against his head. At twelve it was his hair. It always looked so messy and I wanted to touch it to see if it was soft or not. Thirteen, I memorized the way he smiled. And now, at fourteen, I noticed everything about him. Shoulders. Arms. Hands.

Everything.

I shook away my thoughts. “I was just… talking to myself.”

“That sounds healthy.”

My cheeks turned beet red.

“I leave for school and you go crazy on me?” Lachlan teased.

“Ha, ha.”

He sat across from me and sighed. “Can’t believe you still come up here.”

I patted the wooden boards beneath me. “I told you I’d use it.”

“Yeah. You weren’t lying.”

We sat in companionable silence. He was looking at the sky and I was looking at him. His head started to turn and I looked away before he caught me.

“How has your summer been?” he asked.

I shrugged and reminded myself to answer casually. “It’s been good.”

“Hanging out with Lana?”

“Yep.”

“Am I ever going to meet her?”

“Sure.” I leaned back against the railing, making myself comfortable. “Whenever she gets the courage to come over here with me.”

“And that will be?” His question hung in the air.

“Never,” I said bluntly.

“She’s that shy?”

“She’s that shy,” I confirmed.

“Have you said terrible stuff about me?” Lachlan said teasingly.

“The worst,” I said without missing a beat. “I tell her about all the times I’ve come up here to see you and you weren’t here.”

I couldn’t keep the bitterness inside any more.

Lachlan looked at me with surprise. I was even shocked over my outburst.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he said with concern.

“Yes.”