Unravel(44)

And just like that he’s gone. His scent. His voice. His presence. All gone. I hang my head, wanting so bad to scream in frustration.

I had him. Just for a minute Max was with me, but that is almost worse than not seeing him.

When I look at Dr. Rutledge, she’s staring at me with a confused look on her face. She doesn’t know that I was just given the highlight of my day. Maybe my whole week.

“Did you hear me?” she asks.

I shake my head. “I’m sorry… what?”

“I asked if we could pick up where we left off last session.”

I nod. “Yeah…” I say slowly. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Words start to spill from my mouth and the whole time, Max’s voice echoes in my head.

“Keep talking to her. It’s your only chance of getting out of here.”



19—THE PLAN

“I dropped him as a client.”

My window was down, letting the warm breeze whip my hair around my face. I didn’t bother pushing the strands away. It just felt good to have a moment of freedom. Where I had no worries. But there was Max, ripping me out of this peaceful moment.

I turned in my seat and gaped at him. “What?”

Max shifted gears and kept his eyes on the road. He was dressed down today, in a simple pair of jeans and dark blue t-shirt. The sun slipped in through the open sunroof, slashing across his forearm.

It was a hot summer day. The kind where you just want to tilt your head back, close your eyes and do nothing but dream. We drove down a twisted country road with nothing but green grass around us. We had no destination; we just drove to get away from McLean.

A week had passed since I discovered the truth about Lana. I wish I could say that everything was starting to smooth itself out, but nothing had changed.

Lana’s dad was still free. Lana was still staying at her family’s house. So was I. I wasn’t leaving until she left. So I pleaded for her to get out of there, but she wouldn’t budge. She would always say the same thing: nothing happened. Sure, for the time being he was leaving Lana alone, but for how long? There was an expiration date. I didn’t know when it would arrive, but I could feel it creeping up on the two of us.

It was inevitable that I would see Lana’s dad. After the party, I expected him to say something to me, but he didn’t. He just stared at me carefully. Sometimes he would smile and it was like he knew how badly I wanted to tell someone but couldn’t. When I did encounter him, I would always react the same way. My chest would tighten and I would feel panic sweep through me, leaving me paralyzed. He would leave the room or the house and it was only then that I would be able to breathe evenly.

And sometimes, he didn’t even have to be around for me to feel that way. I would be with Lana, out in public, laughing at something she said, or walking innocently down the street, and I would suddenly be slammed with pain. It would start at my hips and spread throughout my body like tree limbs.

There were times I would wake up in the middle of the night and suddenly sit up in bed, panting and frantically looking around the room. I would feel disorientated, like I had blacked out and lost hours of my life. But reality would always catch up to me and I would be reminded that everything in my life was a mess, slowly unraveling before my eyes.

The way I was acting scared the shit out of me. I could only chalk it up to panic attacks, but I knew they had to get better soon; I didn’t know how long I could last.

When I wasn’t with Lana, I was with Max. I took his request to spend the summer with me seriously. I spent almost every day with him, but never stayed the night. It was starting to become a point of contention between us.

He just couldn’t wrap his brain around the fact that I was staying, willingly, with Lana, knowing that Lana’s dad lived under the same roof.

I wanted to stay with him more than anything. I wanted to wake up in the morning, draped over his body. I wanted to be able to lean in and kiss him, and he would respond by rolling me over, pressing me into the mattress, holding me so tightly that all my problems would drift away.

“I said I dropped him as a client,” Max repeated.

My eyelashes fluttered against my skin rapidly. I sat up straight in my seat. “When?”

“As of yesterday.”

I swallowed and ignored the feeling of dread creeping up on me.

“What did he do?”

Max shifted in his seat. Instinctively, his hands tightened around the steering wheel. “My secretary was right outside the door, so he did what he always does in front of an audience. He kept his composure and just walked away.”

I nodded. It made sense. Lana’s dad was a very smart man. He wouldn’t seethe with rage and make a scene. He would do that behind closed doors, while he plotted his revenge.

I looked at Max with alarm. “You don’t think he’s going to do anything, do you?”

“No.” Max looked over at me. “You think he will?”

I drummed my fingers on the armrest. “I think we’re all trying to be a winner in a losing game.”

“That’s the thing though, Naomi. This isn’t a game. It’s the difference between black and white. Right and wrong. This is no game. He’s f*cked with someone’s life and he’s not going to get away with it.”

Anger seeped into his words. I knew he was barely keeping himself together.