Unmarriageable(28)

‘You can,’ Alys suggested, ‘ask if friendships in Austen are more complex between friends or sisters. Or explore who jumps class in Austen and whose class cannot be forgiven, overlooked, or worked around. Or compare coloniser Babington Macaulay and Kipling’s “England’s Jane” with a “World’s Jane”, a “Pakistani Jane”, a “Post-Colonial Jane”, Edward Said’s Jane. What might Jane make of all these Janes? Discuss empire writing back, weaving its own stories.’

Alys could ignore it no more. She turned to Darsee. ‘You’re clearly enjoying our conversation. Care to join in?’

‘No,’ Darsee said, ‘but I would like to know, how do you know all this?’

‘Reader’s Digest,’ Alys said, ‘and Good Housekeeping.’

Darsee stared at her. Mrs Naheed had arrived to say hello in the last seconds and she said, ‘Alys, don’t be silly! Valentine, have you met Alys and Jena yet? Jena teaches English to the middle years at BSD and Alys the upper years.’

Gin and Rum, dressed again in QaziSensations and looking like disco balls, had been told by their mother to sound their most intelligent in front of Valentine Darsee, and so they proceeded to show off their knowledge of international books with titles they’d memorised.

‘Miss Alys, do you remember,’ Gin said, ‘when you made us join that summer book club? I still recall Leslie Marmon Silko’s story “Lullaby” and Bi Shumin’s “Broken Transformers”.’

‘You made us read’ – Rum squinted – ‘The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros, “Désirée’s Baby” by Kate Chopin, and “Everyday Use” by Alice Walker. And then you made us read that novel The Blackest Eye.’

‘The Bluest Eye,’ Gin said.

‘Yes.’ Rum beamed. ‘The Bluest Eye. We were all so disturbed by the incest in it.’

Naheed changed colours.

‘What my brilliant daughters mean,’ she stuttered, ‘is that Alys is such a forward-thinking teacher who never shies away from any subject.’

‘I see,’ Darsee said.

Alys had no desire to know what Darsee saw. Taking the gift envelope from her mother, she strode to the stage. Horrid man! Listening to her with that mocking look. And thoughtless Gin and Rum for mentioning that particular novel, over which Naheed had very nearly been forced to fire her because so many parents had turned up at the school. Thankfully the author, Toni Morrison, had won a Nobel Prize in Literature, and that had calmed them down.



Darsee watched Alys leave, and he allowed Mrs Naheed to distract him with her view on school uniforms. By the time dinner was served – a buffet to rival the fare at the mehndi ceremony the night before – Alys was barely on his mind. As he ladled a fragrant mutton biryani onto a plate, Hammy joined him.

‘Babes, you must try the rogan gosht,’ she said, ‘before Lady and Qitty gobble it all up. I’ve never seen greedier creatures. Jaans thinks Alys is a lesbian. Agree?’

‘Why would Jaans think that?’

‘Her hair, babes, her hair.’

‘That’s ridiculous,’ Darsee said. ‘I happen to think her cut accentuates her eyes.’

Hammy’s rather ordinary eyes grew wide. Darsee instantly realised his mistake and, nonchalantly popping a mutton boti into his mouth, waited for Hammy’s response.

‘My heartfelt congratulations,’ Hammy said, ‘on finding your soulmate in D-bad.’

‘So, so predictable,’ Darsee said, shaking his head.

Hammy gave a feeble laugh. ‘I’m beginning to wonder if the Binat girls really do practise magic. First my brother is bewitched. Now you.’

‘I’m not bewitched or any such thing.’

‘Your future mother-in-law,’ Hammy said, ‘the oh-so-charming Pinkie Binat, will be so thrilled to have not one but two sons-in-law to paw.’

Darsee grimaced. ‘Not prime mother-in-law material.’

‘Nor are those creatures sister-in-law material!’

‘Agreed,’ Darsee said.

Hammy was relieved not only that Darsee had not complimented Alys further but that he’d acknowledged the appalling nature of the Binat family.

‘I wish Bungles would wake up from Jena’s spell or whatever you want to call it.’

‘It’ll pass,’ Darsee said. ‘His crushes, unlike mine, always do, which is why I’ve learnt to not fall as easily as he does.’

‘And who is your current crush?’ Hammy asked, a little too quickly.

‘No one,’ Darsee said. ‘I’m too busy with Jujeena. I should not have gone to do my MBA. I neglected her.’

‘Don’t be so hard on yourself,’ Hammy said. ‘I bumped into your sister a few times this last year and she seemed happy living with your aunty Beena.’

‘Beena Aunty took excellent care of her, but’ – Darsee stopped – ‘she has her hands full with Annie.’

‘How is Annie’s health?’

‘So-so,’ Darsee said. ‘Anyway, I’m back now, and my top priority is my sister, as well as getting involved with the British Schools. No time for crushes.’

‘Please knock the same sense into Bungles, at least when it comes to Jena Binat.’