Unmarriageable(22)

‘Hello,’ Lady said. She was carrying a bowl full of golden fried gulab jamuns. ‘Have you tried these? To die for. Isn’t this the best wedding ever? I have a good mind to tell Fiede to get married every year.’

‘Is that so?’ Hammy said. ‘I’m sure Fiede will be thrilled at your suggestion. And who are you?’

‘Aren’t you,’ Sammy said, ‘the girl who crashed the dance floor?’

Lady nodded, unabashed, even though her sisters cringed.

‘I’m Lady, their sister.’ Lady pointed to Jena, Alys, and Mari. ‘And this is our other sister, Qitty.’

‘I can speak for myself,’ Qitty said. ‘Hello.’

‘But a moment ago,’ Lady said, ‘you told me you’d eaten so much you could no longer speak.’

‘Because I didn’t want to speak to you,’ Qitty said.

‘Qitty!’ Alys said. ‘Lady!’

‘Ladies’ Room,’ Jaans called from his chair. ‘Everyone wants to go to the Ladies’ Room. Is it open?’

‘Oh, you!’ Sammy smacked her husband on his hand. ‘Such a joker.’

The guy with the intense eyes and lovely hands, Alys noted, was watching as if he’d decided the entire world was a bad comedy and it was his punishment to witness every awful joke.

‘Bungles,’ he said, ‘if you’re done entertaining yourself, can we—’

Bungles interrupted him. ‘This is one of my best friends, Valentine Darsee.’

‘Valentine,’ Hammy said, ‘say a big hearty hello to the sisters Binat and their friend Cherry.’

‘Sherry,’ Sherry said, flushing.

‘Sherry,’ Hammy said. ‘My sincere apologies.’

Darsee seemed to be taking his time giving them a big hearty hello, Alys thought, but before he could get to it, Lady began to laugh uncontrollably.

‘Valentine!’ Lady doubled over. ‘Were you born on Valentine’s Day?’

Spittle sprayed out of Lady’s mouth, and Darsee and Hammy jumped out of the way, revulsion on their faces.

‘Lady!’ Jena said, mortified.

‘Oops!’ Lady wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. ‘Sorry. Sorry.’

‘I’m sure you are,’ Hammy said. ‘But I’m not sure I’m getting the joke. Valentine is such a romantic name.’

Everyone waited for Darsee to say something, but after several moments Bungles spoke up.

‘Valentine’s late mother,’ Bungles said, ‘was a big fan of Rudolph Valentino, and she named him Valentino. The staff at the hospital mistook it for Valentine and, by the time anyone checked, the birth certificate was complete and so that was that, right, Val?’

Valentine Darsee gave a curt nod. It was unclear to Alys whether he couldn’t care less if they knew the origin story of his name or whether Lady’s spittle had caused him severe trauma.

‘Same thing happened with Oprah,’ she offered in a conciliatory tone.

‘Pardon me?’ Darsee said, as if he was seeing her for the first time and not liking what he saw.

‘Oprah. She was named Orpah, after a character in the Bible, but her name was mistakenly recorded as Oprah.’ Alys added, ‘I read it in Reader’s Digest, I think, or Good Housekeeping.’

Darsee turned to Bungles. ‘I’m going to check in with Nadir for the night and then head back to our room.’

He left without a smile, without a ‘pleased to meet you’, without even a cursory nod. Hammy at least nodded at the group before running after him. Lady decided to get more gulab jamuns and dragged Qitty with her. Sammy and Jaans turned to each other. Bungles explained, sheepishly, that Darsee had recently arrived from Atlanta, where he’d been studying for an MBA, and was still jet-lagged. Alys and Sherry exchanged a look: Valentine Darsee was the British School Group.

‘Jena,’ Bungles said. ‘Can I get you some chai? Dessert? Anything?’

‘Jena,’ Sherry said, ‘why don’t you and Bungles Bhai go get chai together?’

Bungles thought this a fabulous idea, and Jena, with no reason to refuse, walked with him to the tea table, where teas, pink, green, and black, were being served.

‘That was obvious,’ Alys said. ‘A great “grab it” move. My mother will be so proud of you.’

‘You and Jena need to listen to your mother once in a while,’ Sherry said. ‘Clearly Bungles Bhai is interested in Jena, and she needs to show a strong interest in return.’

‘She just met him,’ Alys said. ‘Two minutes ago.’

‘So?’ Sherry said. ‘If she doesn’t show interest, a million other girls will.’

‘If he’s going to lose interest because she’s modest, then perhaps he’s not worth it.’

‘Of course he’s worth it. And aren’t you the sly one to use the word “modest”.’

‘Huh?’

‘“Modest sanitary napkins for your inner beauty, aap ke mushkil dinon ka saathi, the companion of your hard days,”’ Sherry said, spouting the jingle that played during the animated advertisement for Modest sanitary products. ‘Bungles, Hammy, and Sammy are Modest. They own the company. I recognise them from interviews. And soon our Jena will be Mrs Modest.’