Unbreak My Heart (Unbreak My Heart #1)(66)

I sighed and grabbed the dirty diaper from the bed, leaving the room. I walked slowly down the stairs, relishing the few minutes I had Iris to myself. With so many people in the house and Iris connected to Kate’s breast half the time, I hadn’t had much time with her one-on-one.

I tossed the diaper in the trash and nonchalantly strolled outside with her, only to find Kate and Miles staring straight at me.

I froze, trying to figure out what they were staring at—I knew I’d put on pants—until Kate lifted her hand up.

Holding a f*cking baby monitor.

Miles cleared his throat. “Congratulations, jackass,” he said quietly, letting me know that they’d heard every word I said.

Son of a bitch. My face and neck suddenly felt like they were on fire.

*



“I wouldn’t leave Iris in here by herself,” Kate said softly that night as I crawled into bed behind her. “And I’d never take her away from you.”

I didn’t reply. What could I say?

“I can’t be some sort of standin for Rachel,” she whispered, making my heart sink to my stomach. “I’m not her. I don’t want to be her.” She sniffled, and I moved closer, silently wrapping my arm around her waist. “I want to be me.”

“That’s not what I’m doing, Katie,” I murmured, pulling her back into my chest. “I just want a chance.”

“A chance to what, Shane? A chance to sleep with me? A chance for another blow job? I’m already the mom—I’m already doing that part. So what exactly do you want?”

“I want to be with you.” I stumbled over my words, my thoughts becoming more jumbled the longer I tried to verbalize them.

I just wanted her. Even without the kids, I’d want her. The kids just made that bond a million times stronger. I wanted her to look at me the way she’d looked at me when we were stupid teenagers—like I could do anything. I wanted to see all the changes that carrying Iris had done to her body. I wanted to map her curves with my fingers and know when she was about to start her period because I’d been with her so long that I could recognize the signs. I wanted the little things and the big things.

But she’d never believe me if I tried to tell her that.

I’d pushed her aside for so long that there was no foundation to build on. Just a mess of shattered pieces that I’d crushed with a sledgehammer every time she’d grown closer than I was comfortable with.

I didn’t know how to be with someone like Kate. She’d demand more from me than anyone ever had before, and that was terrifying. Because even though the history between us had proven that she wasn’t going anywhere, I’d learned over the course of my life that people left.

“You want a housewife, and I’m convenient,” she whispered, shaking her head against her pillow. “You don’t even have to marry me. I’m already here. You know that Iris and I aren’t going anywhere. Why search for anyone else when you’ve got a—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” I growled, her words making my blood boil. “Easy? You’re the least convenient person I’ve ever f*cking met.”

I pulled away from Kate and pushed her onto her back so I could climb on top of her, straddling her waist. I leaned down until our noses were almost touching.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Kate,” I said softly, searching her eyes. “But I know that I want you. Help me.”

“I’ve been helping you since we were kids, Shane,” she replied, with a weary shrug. “I just don’t think I have anything left.”

“You do,” I whispered, leaning down on my elbows so I could brush my lips across hers. “You do. I know you do.”

“I’m terrified that I’m going to wake up one day and you’re going to take them again,” she confessed in a shaky voice. “That you’re going to decide you want someone else and there’ll be no more room for me.”

“No, Katie,” I said harshly, gripping her head between my hands. “That won’t happen.”

“How can you know that?” she argued, her eyes filling with tears. “That’s what you did less than two weeks ago.”

My forehead dropped to hers, and I inhaled a shaky breath. “That wasn’t what happened. There’s no one but you, Kate.”

She closed her eyes, and tears leaked out of the corners. “I can’t trust you.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” I whispered frantically, kissing her face while she lay passively beneath me. “It wasn’t you. It was me. I was being selfish. I wanted them with me, and I f*cked everything up.”

“That’s the thing,” she replied, defeat lacing her words. “You have that power. I have no rights when it comes to the kids, and at any point you could erase me as if I never existed.”

“I wouldn’t. I thought you’d follow behind us, Kate. I swear. I thought it was only for a little while until you could have Iris. I never planned—”

“I don’t believe you.”

Her words slapped me in the face. She still wasn’t looking at me, and I hated that she was blocking me out that way. I was surrounding her, my body pressed against her from all sides, and she’d still found a way to keep herself distant.