Unbreak My Heart (Unbreak My Heart #1)(61)

“I looked disgusting,” I argued.

“No. You looked like you’d just given birth to my daughter.”

My heart raced, and I finally took a step back out of his arms. “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“You can’t—I can’t keep doing this with you,” I cried quietly. “You have to stop doing this to me.”

He looked at me in confusion, “Kate? What—”

“Get out of my room,” I rasped, backing toward the bed. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked, taking a step forward. “What did I do?”

“I’m going to California to be with the kids, but I think you’re confused,” I snapped, raising my hand to stop his forward momentum. “I’m not playing this f*cked-up game with you anymore. I’m not some sort of fill-in wife for you—taking care of your house and handing out a random blow job. I’m not Rachel—”

“Don’t bring her into this,” he ordered, coming to an abrupt halt.

“Get out.”

“Kate—”

“I’ll see you in the morning, Shane,” I said firmly, staring at him until he spun on his heel and left the room.

I sagged onto the bed once he was gone, my hands shaking. A part of me felt good that I’d finally made a stand, but the rest of me was terrified that I’d made things worse between us. He was saying the right things, and God, he could be so sweet…but it never took long before he was making me feel like shit again, and I couldn’t do that anymore.

Things had felt so simple while he’d been gone. He’d become my best friend, listening to my ramblings and flirting with me all the time, but that wasn’t real life. I was almost thirty years old, and I had children to think of. Losing my mind over Shane was no longer an option.

*



After I’d kissed my parents and brothers good-bye at four a.m., we were on our way south. Thankfully, Uncle Mike, Aunt Ellie, and Trevor had said their good-byes the day before so we’d been able to leave without stopping by their house.

The kids were cranky, we were stuffed into the new rental van like sardines, and I knew before long Iris would be screaming. We were barely an hour into the drive, and I was already dreading the next two days of travel.

Thankfully, the van came with a built-in DVD system that would distract the kids for a while, but I knew that it wouldn’t last. For children as busy as mine, sitting in a car for two days would be torture, especially when they’d made the drive less than a week before. I wasn’t sure how Alex had survived the drive north.

“How’re you feeling?” Shane asked softly, even though the kids were all wearing headphones.

“I’m fine.” I stared out the window as the sun began to rise. I was already both bored and on edge, waiting for the baby to wake up.

“What’s Iris’s last name?” he said abruptly.

I twisted to look at him. His hands were tight on the wheel, but he kept glancing at me as he waited for my answer.

“I wasn’t sure what you—” I mumbled.

“Evans?” he asked, his shoulders drooping.

“No,” I replied softly. “Anderson.”

He nodded, staring straight ahead as he swallowed hard. “Thank you.”

“Iris Rachel Anderson.”

“Good choice. She would have loved that,” he said, rubbing his hand over the bottom half of his face.

“Probably not, seeing as how I f*cked her husband,” I replied drily. “Not sure she’d be crazy about that.”

He choked out a laugh and looked at me like I was crazy. “I had a hard time with that at first,” he said as he switched lanes, pulling onto the freeway. “Shit, the guilt was intense.”

“Yeah, I remember.” I turned to look back out the window.

“It took a long time for me to figure it out,” he said before going silent.

I didn’t want to play into it. I knew he was trying to draw me into conversation, and I wanted to ignore him, but I still asked. “Figure what out?”

“That Rachel doesn’t give a shit,” he said bluntly, checking the rearview mirror to make sure the kids were still occupied. “I miss her. Christ, sometimes when one of the kids does something funny, or Sage smiles, I think that I’ll never stop missing her.”

I nodded, pulling my sweatshirt over my suddenly freezing arms.

“But she’s gone, Katie. She’s never coming back. And she doesn’t give two shits about what I’m doing now.”

“Shane—” My voice stopped working. I didn’t even know what to say. Did I agree with him? Mostly. I thought wherever Rachel was, she probably cared very much what Shane was doing, but not in the way he’d meant it. Rachel had loved Shane; she’d want him to be happy and safe. I didn’t think jealousy was an emotion that followed you into the afterlife.

“Don’t you think it was hard for me?” I finally asked, breaking the silence.

“I didn’t know how you felt, Kate,” he said seriously. “You never said a word.”

“What could I have said, Shane?” I asked imploringly. “You didn’t want anything to do with me. Should I have told you how bad I felt when you were already so intent on blaming me for everything?”