Two Kinds Of Truth(33)

I shake my head; I can’t even begin to imagine.

“It’s the baby hunger. I’m tormented, every minute of every day, no matter where I go. If I visit the park, all I see are mummies and daddies pushing their prams, swinging toddlers and buying their kids ice cream. Or…or…I’ll log onto Facebook to find my newsfeed full of ultrasound scan pictures, their threads filled with expressions of congratulations to the happy couple.”

Again, I shrug. “It must be hard for ye both.”

She turns on me then and bares her teeth, like a wounded animal.

“Hard? Christ, that doesn’t even come close. What pain do you think comes after all that? Well, I’ll tell you: it’s their birth, their first steps, first words, their first birthday. It’s listening to other women moaning about being a mother while I’m dying to be one,” and she thumps her chest with her hands, over and over.

“Maddie, it’s okay; I understand,” I soothe, but she isn’t listening. She’s consumed with grief, then her voice rises as she pulls away.

“Being unable to have a baby sours friendships and destroys marriages,” she cries, just inches from my face. “For Christ sake, Jamie, look at mine.”

She bursts into tears and I pull her towards me, taking her in my arms. I hold her close, rock her two and fro as she sobs unconsolably against my chest.

“I’m such a dick,” I chastise myself. “I’ve hurt ye and I ne’er meant to. I just wanted to hear yir side of the story, to get to grips with what’s happened from yir perspective.”

She sobs for what seems like an age, until the cries turn to whimpers. She’s calmer now, just light sniffles, and then she pulls away. Her shoulders are hunched over, her eyes red and swollen. She glances up and offers me a weak smile.

“I’ve…er…got to go,” she says, and before I can stop her, she dashes from the stable. I chase after her, but to my despair I see Alasdair walking towards us. I stop dead in my tracks as Maddie runs towards him and he opens his arms, embracing her. I can see his lips moving, but the wind catches his words, sweeping them away. Although I can’t hear what he says, when he looks across at me, I can read the expression on his face. Oh, yeah; I really am a complete prick.

***

When I open the main door to the farmhouse and take a deep breath, I inhale a spicy aroma: beef curry, my favourite dish. My mouth waters at the thought of eating some tender chunks of sirloin covered in a rich madras sauce. Then Maddie’s laughter comes to my ears and a niggle of uncertainly crawls down my spine, unsure what kind of a response I’ll receive when I open the kitchen door.

I hang up my jacket, take off my boots and reluctantly head for the warmest room in the house. Tonight, though, I expect a chill in its air.

I push the door wide open.

“Oh, there you are,” says Callum, cheerily. “I thought you were never coming home.” He’s standing at the cooker, stirring the curry sauce whilst Maddie lays the table for supper. I try not to make eye contact, but I’ve already clocked that she’s wearing a pretty red blouse and a tight black pencil skirt. The top is flattering and shows off her neckline, revealing milky white skin. Her skirt clings to her thighs and I force myself to avert my gaze.

I clear my throat. “We don’t usually have curry on a Wednesday,” I say to Alasdair, who’s busy serving up rice.

“Aye, ye right; ’twas Callum’s idea. He thought ye deserved a treat.” He turns towards me, his eyes narrowed: his way of telling me that he doesn’t agree. My gut churns. Let him believe what he likes; after all, he isn’t aware of what’s really happening here.

“What time does the quiz start?” Callum asks, pouring the madras over the rice.

I have to think for a second. “Er, about seven o’clock.” I head over to the sink and give my hands a thorough scrub, ready for supper.

“I’m not too fussed what time we get there,” Callum explains, “but Maddie says she’d like to enter.”

I turn towards her, my hands covered in soap. She’s been busy folding napkins and placing them inside the wine glasses, but looks up on hearing her name.

“Isn’t that right?” Callum says.

She nods and gives a warm smile. “Yes, why not. After all, there’s no point going if we can’t take part.”

Callum’s eye catches mine and we exchange glances. I’m no fool, and I don’t have to be his twin to know what he’s really thinking. Irritated, I turn away.

I rinse my hands under the hot tap and dry them on a hand towel. I can’t explain it, but my nerves are jangling like alarm bells and my stomach’s churning into knots. I try to shake off the feeling of trepidation, but it won’t budge. I’m dreading tonight. Callum appears to be living in hope that I’ll sleep with Maddie. How many times do I have to say no before he gets it into his thick skull that it’s never going to happen?

I head over to the kitchen table. As I approach, Maddie sits down, and I take a seat at the opposite side of the table.

Alasdair and Callum bring over the food and the smell makes my mouth water yet again. As the plate is placed in front of me, I take a deep breath and inhale the spicy aroma of Turmeric, Cumin and Ground Coriander, licking my lips in anticipation. Although my stomach’s in knots, I’m still ravenous.