Two Kinds Of Truth(32)

“Out the way, Maddie,” I cry; “I dinnae want to run ye over.”

She laughs and grabs hold of one of the pitchforks.

“You just try it and you’ll feel the sharp end of a prong up your arse,” and she pretends to stab my backside with the fork.

A smile reaches my lips. “Och, I’d better watch out, then.”

She giggles. “Yes, you’d better, or you’ll not be able to sit down for a week.”

I push the barrow through the yard and she follows. I really don’t want her around me, but although I’m loath to admit it…my dark mood is lifting, if just a little. Perhaps having Maddie around isn’t so bad after all.

We head straight for the stable block. Starsky has his black head out of the stable door. As we approach, he shakes his mane and lets out a snort. It’s his way of saying hello. Maddie lets out a squeal of pure delight.

“He’s such a character,” she says, “and gorgeous with it.”

My heart lurches in my chest. In a different life, a different time…I could say the same about Maddie. I put down the wheelbarrow and head over to the tack room, where I grab a headcollar and lead rope.

“Let’s start with the stallion,” I say when I get back, and I offer the collar to Maddie. She takes it and strokes the horse’s forehead before pushing the straps up over his nose and towards his ears. She makes sure it’s snug and secure before clipping the lead rope onto a ring on his headcollar, now at the side of his mouth.

She nods to say she’s ready and I unbolt the stable door.

“Why don’t ye take him down to the lower field?” I suggest. She stares at me as though I’ve gone stark raving mad, but then her expression changes to one of pleasant surprise.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” she asks, leading the stallion out into the yard. “Only, I’ve never handled any of the horses before.”

“Och, you’ll be fine. Keep him on a short leash and you’ll have nae bother.”

She grins and I can see her excitement grow. I’m amazed how such a small gesture has made her day. I keep a watchful eye on her as she guides the horse away from the stable block and onto the track that leads to the field. She’s a natural with horses, that’s plain to see, for Starsky’s now become putty in her hands. I can hear her talking to him, passing the time of day as if he were human, to which he snorts and grunts in reply. Yes, Maddie certainly has a way with horses.

I concentrate on mucking out the stable, soon filling the wheelbarrow with a mixture of manure, and damp hay and straw. I’m almost done by the time she gets back. Maddie helps me cover the floor, laying a fresh straw bed which quickly drowns out the musky odour of urine with its own dry and dusty smell.

“Maddie, can I ask ye something…something personal?”

She stops what she’s doing and leans on the pitchfork.

“Yeah, sure; what is it?”

I stare at her, not sure where to begin, then clear my throat. “The thing is… Callum told me something the other night when I took him into town.”

“Oh, yeah. Like what?”

I lick my lips. “Och, Maddie, I dinnae wish to pry, but he said that ye couldnae have a bairn. I’ve been cut up about it ever since he told me. Is there nothing anyone can do to help ye?”

She drops the pitchfork, lets out a deep sigh and then goes and sits on a small bale of hay.

I swallow. I’ve clearly upset her.

“Maddie, are ye all right, lass?”

She puts her head in her hands. “What? Oh, your question… Yes, it’s all true; we can’t have children, and no, no one can help us.”

“I’m sorry, Maddie, I had nae right to ask.”

She lifts her head and glares at me. “Then why did you?”

I sense her anger, her bitterness, and shrug. “I dunno. I think I just dinnea believe it, ye ken? ’Tis a lot to take in.”

She turns her head away, but not before teardrops drip from her lashes. I’m then by her side, down on bended knees.

“Maddie, I dinnae mean to make ye cry.” I frantically search for a hanky, pulling one out from inside my pocket, and go to wipe her face. I expect a rebuff, or for her to slap my hand away, but she doesn’t. She allows me gently to wipe the tears away, but more continue to fall.

She finally looks back at me. “We’ve tried everything,” she whispers. “Even three sessions of IVF.” Those same teardrops catch the light and now sparkle like diamonds. They may be beautiful, but they only enhance her look of sorrow.

“Did Callum tell you why we can’t have children?”

I heave a sigh. “Aye, he did. Said he’s infertile.”

She nods. “Yes, that’s right. The last time they managed to find one living sperm and placed it with my egg. I knew then it was our last hope, so when it failed…”

“I’m sorry, Maddie, for yir loss; and for asking.”

She dries her eyes with the palms of her hands and rises to her feet. “It’s fine. You’re my brother-in-law. You should know what we’re going through. It’s been horrible having to suffer without the support of close family.”

“Och, you’ll always have mine,” I tell her, and rise to squeeze her shoulders gently.

She stares deep into my eyes. “Do you know what the worst thing is?”