Touched (The Untouched Trilogy #2)(5)

“Please don’t apologize. I’m your mother and you can come to me anytime with anything. I can’t begin to tell you how it feels that you’re sharing this with me. I didn’t think I would ever have the chance to be a mother to you in this way again.” Her voice broke. We were both silent for several minutes.

“Thanks for listening and thanks for your advice. It means a lot,” I said.

“I hate that you’re hurting and I’m here anytime day or night. I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too, Mom. I’ll talk to you soon. Tell the girls I said hello and that I love them. I can’t wait to see you all in a few weeks.”

“I’m anxious too. It’ll be our first holiday as a family in so many years,” she said.

“I know. I’m so excited,” I said.

“I’ll talk to you soon,” she said.

“Okay. Goodbye, Mom.”

I pressed end on the phone and tossed myself across the bed and cried. I hadn’t told her the depth of the pain I was feeling because I couldn’t. It would make her worry too much and I knew it would remind her too much of Dad. It felt like someone had repeatedly kicked me in the stomach.

I sat up in bed and wiped my tears. I was so grateful to have Mom to talk to about Aiden. I would expect anyone else to think I was foolish to still feel the way I did for Aiden, but not Mom. If anyone, she was the one person to identify with my pain. Funny how I thought it would be weird talking to her about him but it was as though she had been in my life in that capacity all my life. I guess in her own way, she had been.

Her reassurance of my strength meant so much; I needed to hear it. And she was right. I was Aria Gabrielle Cason and I’d be damned if I empowered Aiden or any man to take that from me. I didn’t want to suffocate in the memories anymore. I didn’t want to miss him anymore. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I wanted my life back. The life I had before Aiden Raine.

The time that was required to readjust my thought processes was painful and lonely. I couldn’t tell anyone the gravity of it all, not even April. The talks with Mom helped but the real catapult to my pre-Aiden state was the day I sat at my bureau and looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw Melena Costanzo staring back at me. The image that flashed before my eyes was of a woman with deep sodden eyes, malnourished, often catatonic and just a mess. So while I didn’t share my misery with anyone, after seeing my mother in the mirror, I didn’t need to. A switch flipped and I knew that I couldn’t be the person that I had fought over half my life to avoid.

My appetite for food and work, which had become nonexistent, was finally back. I’d lost a little weight, which angered me. I couldn’t believe that I had allowed myself to travel down that dark path. However, I now understood how it had been possible; Aiden had permanently altered me. I knew that. I accepted that. There was nothing I could do about what had happened, but I could learn from it. As horrible as the experience had been, some good had come of it. First, no one would be able to break my heart like this again. And second, I needed to make some changes. I needed to live and I needed to love. I would no longer run from it; I would embrace it but somewhat more cautiously than I had with Aiden.

Bright and early Monday morning, I walked into RPH in the same fashion as I had before Aiden … with my head held high and with the confidence that made everyone stop and take notice. I was eager to tackle the new challenges that accompanied my recent promotion. It was an invigorating feeling, one that readied me to take on any complication that RPH could present, even if that complication was Aiden Raine.

“Good morning Miss Cason,” Raina said, as I approached her desk. She took in my appearance and smiled. She knew I was back too.

I returned her smile. “Good morning Raina,” I replied, sauntering past her desk. “Can I see you in my office please?”

“Yes ma’am,” she replied, standing to follow me.

My new office was even more impressive than the previous. It wasn’t overly extravagant, that wasn’t my taste. It was simple but there was elegance in its simplicity. There were lots of squares and clean lines. There was a hand-crafted marble wall fountain imprinted with the RPH logo, the back wall was all glass, there was a meeting table to the left, and a huge seating area on the right of the room complete with a stocked bar. I placed my purse on the rack and walked toward my desk. I couldn’t part with my desk from the twenty-fifth floor ... it was too much a part of me. The interior decorator had brought in some additional furnishings to compliment the desk. She’d done an amazing job and I’d hired her to redecorate my condo. I’d decided to keep the piano but I wanted a look that better accentuated Little V. I had given her that name because each time I touched the keys, it reminded Virginia of Kingston.

“I’ll need you to get Chase on the phone. I need to get him on board with the book tour,” I said.

“Yes, Miss Cason. You also have a conference call at nine and a staff meeting at ten.”

“I should only need a few minutes to speak with Chase. We will not dance around his whims. We have dozens of authors dying to have this opportunity; it seems he’s forgotten that. He needs to shit or get off the pot.”

Raina attempted to hide her smile at my last comment. I could see the relief in her eyes. She had been worried about me. Well that makes two of us Raina.

“And we need to get an appointment scheduled with Stephanie for the marketing campaign, we’re falling behind schedule.”