Touched (The Untouched Trilogy #2)(4)
My emotions were scattered and I couldn’t grasp any specific one tightly enough to sort through it. I took repeated deep breaths but they were somehow not filling my need for oxygen. Each breath took me closer and closer to passing out. The magnitude of pain that eventually showered down on me was too much. I was bleeding. I needed to get out of that office. I needed to get away from any memories of him. I fled to the parking garage and jumped into my car. I flew from the garage and darted toward the interstate. I wanted to drive until I disappeared. Part of me felt that if I drove fast enough and far enough, I could escape the pain that was radiating through every part of me.
I pulled over to the shoulder to lower the top and rejoined the traffic. I turned up the volume as loud as it could go and just drove. My hair was blowing crazily in the wind, drying the tears as quickly as they eased down my cheeks. I didn’t blame him for my misery; I blamed myself. I allowed this to happen; I went along with all of it. The hole in my heart was burning. It was growing. I clutched my chest as I sobbed and drove into the darkness of the night. He’d done it. He’d broken me. And for the life of me, I didn’t know where to go from here.
CHAPTER TWO
It had been a month since I last heard Aiden’s voice, with the exception of the voicemail messages. I finally forced myself to listen to them. The first was sinfully seductive; as was anything that escaped his lips. The second message was a bit more forceful but alluring all the same. The last message indicated his frustration, or maybe anger was a better word, for my lack of response to him. I considered reaching out to him but ultimately decided against it because I simply wasn’t prepared to reopen that door.
I had pushed him aside just as I’d felt he’d done me and his absence allowed for some of the pieces of my life to reassemble. I was rebuilding the relationship with my family which added a different but happier layer to my life. I deeply regretted the amount of time and distance I’d placed between us over the years but I was trying to make up for that now. We all were. Lia and Bianca had blossomed into beautiful, mature young ladies and I totally adored them. Mom was more and more like her old self; the animated, attentive mother I had wanted and missed for so many years. She’d detected that something was bothering me. I denied it to no end but she wouldn’t let it go. I was skeptical at first; I thought that my story would remind her too much of her own but despite my reservations, I finally broke down and told her.
“Mom, I don’t understand these feelings.”
“This is a new world for you and I’m sure you’re fighting it at every turn but I think you know exactly what you’re feeling for Aiden. You don’t want to admit it because it goes against who you’ve forced yourself to be for so many years.”
I took in what she said. I knew she was right on both counts.
“This can’t be what love feels like. Why does it hurt so much?” I asked.
“Because it’s real Aria,” she replied.
“If this is love, I don’t want it. I don’t know how I can ever be the same after this.”
“Aria, I know you don’t want to hear this but the truth is you won’t be the same. The kind of love that I know you feel for Aiden alters you.”
“It’s certainly done that. My life hasn’t been the same since the day I met him. It was as if I was someone else. I don’t like this. I hate feeling like this and I just don’t want it anymore,” I said.
“If you’re committed to letting him go, it’s going to take some time and you’ll have some scars but in time they’ll heal.”
I knew the possibility of scars; they would always be a reminder but what I felt was far more than a scar; there was a gaping wound that I feared would never close. I was silent; attempting to hide the fact that I was crying.
“Sweetheart, I think you should try to contact him. You two need to talk. Based on everything you’ve told me, I think you’ve made some illogical conclusions. This pain you’re trying to manage could very well be futile.”
“Mom, the phone works both ways. Besides, I don’t know how I could ever trust him. He lied. Every day I was with him was a lie. Not only did he lie over and over, he forced me into this freaking job and he’s been so cold-hearted about it all.”
“Aria, if you didn’t want that job, you didn’t have to accept it.”
That was true; I didn’t. But my career was important to me … it’s all I’ve had.
“It’s best to let this run its course so I can get back to being me. With him, I’d become someone that I didn’t recognize, someone that I don’t want to be,” I replied.
“I don’t want to pressure you but please consider my advice. It wouldn’t hurt you to this degree if you didn’t care so deeply for him sweetheart.”
“I don’t know how I feel. I just want my life back the way it used to be. I feel powerless in this situation … that’s not a feeling I’m comfortable with.”
“Aria, you’re such a strong woman. I saw that strength and resilience in you as a child. You know who you are and you know who you want to be, never let anyone take that from you. You will bounce back from this because that’s who you are. Don’t ever forget that.”
“I won’t Mom. I’m sorry for worrying you.”