Touched (The Untouched Trilogy #2)(47)

“Okay but only if you’re sure.”

“Why did you have Raina spy on me?” I asked.

“I needed to know how you were and I needed to make sure no one else was of any interest.”

“Why not check on me yourself?” I asked.

“Because I knew you’d have questions and maybe it was my paranoia but I thought you’d get enough information to make you wonder and possibly piece it all together and I didn’t want you finding out that way.”

“As opposed to the way I did find out?”

“When Raina and I had last spoken, it was clear that she would be telling you before I arrived. I had no idea that she hadn’t had the chance to do that.”

“But you were still fine with me finding out from her and not you?”

“No. I hated that I had placed Raina in that position and she wanted to do this for you and since I was going to be there the same day, I thought, well I had hoped I would have been able to make you understand.”

Allison was right, men are stupid.

“Raina knew who you were before I did. I felt so foolish,” I said.

“But you were open to talking things out, even then,” he said.

“Yes, I was. You’d sent me a very sweet text saying how much you missed me and that you were eager to talk. I was about to reply that I had missed you too but Raina had come into my office and that’s when she told me everything. As soon as she left my office, I sent you that text telling you to f*ck off. It verified what I grew up learning, that you can’t trust anyone – that no one was who they said they were.”

I looked down at the letter in my hands and continued. “As the days passed, my heart broke a little more every day because I missed you more each day. I wanted it to stop but it didn’t. I realized that all of it was out of my control. You’d grabbed a piece of me that I couldn’t get back.”

“You’ve grabbed a piece of me that I don’t want back, Aria. I regret how this all played out. I’ll be the first to admit that I had no idea how to broach this with you. Business decisions are like second nature to me but this relationship with you, I’m learning as I go and I’ve made some mistakes that have caused you pain. I can’t undo that, but believe me, if I could I would. Towards the end, I was in a bad spot as well. Not knowing if my father would live, my mother being hospitalized, taking over the company … I barely had time to think, I was basically reacting. I’m not excusing anything that I did but I hope you’ll at least consider my position.”

“Why did you do it? Why did you think it was okay?” I asked.

“I never said it was okay. I didn’t expect this. It took on a life of its own. Hell, it still is. I don’t plan with you, I just do. And back then all I wanted was you. I didn’t look beyond that. But once you told me a little about your past, I knew I needed to find a way to explain but I also knew that you’d feel betrayed and you’d run, so I didn’t want to take that chance. It was challenging as hell to get you to bend without a lie between us, I knew I’d lose whatever we had if I told you … so I didn’t. I couldn’t risk it.”

“And the other part, why even do the Aiden Wyatt thing …ever?” I asked.

“Aria, I don’t think you’ll understand unless you’ve been in my shoes for the past twenty-eight years but when I’m Aiden Wyatt, I garner respect based on my achievements and contributions … not because of my last name. That’s important to me. I resent so much of this life. This was the only part that was mine; it was based on me, not my father. It’s important that I’m my own man, not just an heir apparent.”

I wouldn’t quite understand, just as he wouldn’t quite understand everything that caused me to be the person that I am. But I did understand the tenacity to be the person you felt you had to be … whatever the reasoning. And he was right, when I thought he was Aiden Wyatt, I’d appreciated his shrewdness; he was brilliant … and it wasn’t because he was a Raine, it was because he was Aiden.

I’d seen glimpses of some things that I found odd for a rich guy, or at least my preconceptions of a rich guy, but I didn’t know he resented parts of his life to this degree. In regards to me, I truly believed he thought that he did the best he could, given the circumstances.

“I know you want this and I know you’re scared – and that’s okay,” he said.

I sighed and looked away.

“What is it?” he asked.

“You know, before you came along, I was alright. I had what I wanted.”

“There was no purpose; there was no meaning to that kind of life Aria,” he said.

“But it was my kind of life and I hated that you wouldn’t let me get back to it.”

“Because I couldn’t. I literally couldn’t and I can’t now,” he said.

“I don’t want you to. I’d gotten so used to keeping guys at a safe distance that I didn’t know how to behave when someone … when you got close. But I want to learn and I want to do that with you, if you’ll have me.”

“You already know I’ll have you, in every way possible.” There was so much passion in his eyes. I’d felt it when he made love to me. I felt it every time he touched me.

He placed me on my feet and pulled me into his arms. I was his again. I had always been his. He smothered my lips and cheeks with soft kisses and then stepped back holding me at arm’s length, his eyes filled with adoration. “You have no idea how happy you’ve made me.”